Calling babies spoiled or rotten

andthatmakes4

Does anyone ever tell you that your baby is spoiled or rotten?  I hear this constantly and it feels like I've been hearing it almost since birth.  Does this bother anyone else?  Maybe I am overreacting but I feel like it's a slap in the face about my parenting of a barely 1 year old.  Kayleigh started with the stranger anxiety around 5 months and didn't want others when she was tired.  So she cried when others tried to hold her and so I would take her back.  It seems like this is where it started.  She can definitely scream if she wants something and doesn't get it.  And with older kids, that would be spoiled.  Is that true with a baby, as well?

If you think babies around the ages of ours can be spoiled, do you have ideas what I can do to prevent it? She giggles when I tell her no so we do a lot of redirecting.  But right now, I'm not using other discipline measures for her.

Elsa1984

Gator is spoiled and I will totally admit it. But she is spoiled in a sense that she is the first grand kid on my side and a baby hasn't been born for 16 years. On SO's side, she is the 3rd grand kid but there hasn't been a baby in 15 years. And she is extra spoiled by great grandpa because her middle name is after his wife. In that way, she is spoiled. They shop all of the time for her, and go all out for occasions.

That being said, when it comes to spoiled in a sense of behavior.....we are pretty strict with Gator already. She does throw fits and when she does, we don't give in. If she is doing something she isn't supposed to, she is constantly redirected. I am strict with her like I was with my former nanny kids....you use your manners, you show respect, you don't get something everytime you go to the store, you earn special privileges, etc.

I don't know why people say that babies are spoiled if they are clingy or shy at this age. This is the age where they go through that phase! I would just ignore it.

Scramblersmom

IMO calling a baby "spoiled" at this age is too much. It has become clear that DS is getting all sorts of pissy when he doesn't get his way lately (in the last 2 weeks or so). We are sticking to our guns about the yeses and nos because I think he is trying to work the system now. I am pretty old fashioned about parenting and I feel very strongly about teaching them young so there is less of a headache when they are older. Having said that, if a baby is in distress about something and needs comforting then they should get it. I don't think that is "spoiled". I think each parent has to look at each situation and decide what response that particular situation calls for. Spoiled at this age...no. In a couple of years...maybe.

My friend has a kid that is exactly 2 years older than DS and I refer to him as an ahole quite often. That kid is totally spoiled and gets whatever he wants. He is never disciplined for anything and his parents let him do whatever he wants because they do not want to upset him. They negotiate with him too. He has hit, spit at, tugged on and flicked DS with barely a word or discipline from his parents. That kid is out of control and I think it will only get worse as he ages. That child is 3 yo not 1 yo.  IMO he is spoiled and a brat.

Nita2603

I have heard that A is spoiled from a bunch of people in two situations: food and anxiety. So we do BLW, and people seem to think that if I do not spoon pureed crap into his mouth but give him a choice, and the possibility to reject, that is spoiled. Oh well.

The other one is if people want to hold him or stuff Luke that and he wants us. As in he scared of strangers and doesn't wanna be held or played with. Apparently, us giving him the security of stepping in right away if that happens is spoiling him too.

I think it is BS.

I also am amazed that this judgments usually come from people who eithr do not know him well or at all, people who nev even had kids or it has been half a life time, or any others who's opinion could not be less important to me.
So yeah, that's my two cents.

cantalopes24

Both of my kids are spoiled. E isn't a brat but Lo is quite the drama queen. The pedi and I were dying at her 1 year appt. She didn't flinch at her shots but she almost threw herself off the table when they wouldn't give her the band aid wrapper. She smacked the pedi in the face when she wouldn't give Lo the light thing they look in their ears with.

PurpleDrewbie5

Nita2603:

I have heard that A is spoiled from a bunch of people in two situations: food and anxiety. So we do BLW, and people seem to think that if I do not spoon pureed crap into his mouth but give him a choice, and the possibility to reject, that is spoiled. Oh well.

The other one is if people want to hold him or stuff Luke that and he wants us. As in he scared of strangers and doesn't wanna be held or played with. Apparently, us giving him the security of stepping in right away if that happens is spoiling him too. I think it is BS.

I also am amazed that this judgments usually come from people who eithr do not know him well or at all, people who never even had kids or it has been half a life time, or any others who's opinion could not be less important to me. So yeah, that's my two cents.

A clingy baby does not mean a spoiled baby. I DO think a baby can be spoiled at this age but not wanting strangers has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Discipline is important, and babies/toddlers need to learn what "No" means. We also say "Not for Natalie" if she's not supposed to touch something. Usually she looks back at us and shakes her head no and moves on. Sometimes she wants to be held more than I have time to hold her. When I put her head down she'll usually throw her self to the floor and cry. I just tell her "You can be mad but you don't need to cry, let's find a toy" and she's over it in 30 seconds.

If she doesn't want to go to a stranger or really, anyone for that matter I don't make her. Just because she's a baby doesn't mean she doesn't know who she feels comfortable with. That doesn't make her spoiled, it just makes her aware.

lkm2006

I could see someone calling A spoiled in the sense that he's my only child so I may go overboard in the amount of toys or belongings he has.

He has been called spoiled by not letting others watch or hold him. That I don't believe one bit. I'm the only one with him all day and if he doesn't see you often, of course he's going to be wary. Completely natural for any child this age to prefer their parents.

As for discipline, I'm doing my best being firm with no no and re directing. Some days I choose my battles but I'm firm on all of the big stuff.. No biting, hitting, snatching toys, etc. he's started throwing temper tantrums and as annoying as they may be, I refuse to give in to it! I do believe this is an important time where they learn they don't call the shots and I want him to know those little fits won't pass with me.

Elsa1984

I do have to also say that I hate when people call Gator spoiled or a brat when they want to snuggle with her and she wants down. She has never been a snuggle baby, and she pushes you away when you try. But I have family on both sides that don't see her very often and expect Gator to snuggle up to them. Apparently, if you are a non snugly baby, you are a brat...because all babies should snuggle according to these people. Gator will be squirming and wiggling trying to get away and they just keep readjusting her and holding her close and tight. I usually feel the need to save her because I don't like people in my personal space, so I don't blame her. It's like torture. In those instances, if they call her a brat or spoiled for not wanting to cuddle with him or her, I always say..."or maybe she just doesn't like you..."

Snotty? Yes. But I don't care.....they just called my kid a brat when she isn't.

andthatmakes4

Thanks, ladies.  I appreciate what you all said.  Kayleigh has definitely started the fit throwing and I too am trying to be firm with my no's and redirecting.  Ironically, that isn't what people are seeing when they say that.  They see her crying because she wants either me or DH.  I'll try to calm down about it and possibly use PP's line about DD just not liking them.

missyishere

smit5009:

IMO calling a baby "spoiled" at this age is too much. It has become clear that DS is getting all sorts of pissy when he doesn't get his way lately (in the last 2 weeks or so). We are sticking to our guns about the yeses and nos because I think he is trying to work the system now. I am pretty old fashioned about parenting and I feel very strongly about teaching them young so there is less of a headache when they are older. Having said that, if a baby is in distress about something and needs comforting then they should get it. I don't think that is "spoiled". I think each parent has to look at each situation and decide what response that particular situation calls for. Spoiled at this age...no. In a couple of years...maybe.

My friend has a kid that is exactly 2 years older than DS and I refer to him as an ahole quite often. That kid is totally spoiled and gets whatever he wants. He is never disciplined for anything and his parents let him do whatever he wants because they do not want to upset him. They negotiate with him too. He has hit, spit at, tugged on and flicked DS with barely a word or discipline from his parents. That kid is out of control and I think it will only get worse as he ages. That child is 3 yo not 1 yo.  IMO he is spoiled and a brat.

I agree completely!  Nora is well taken care of.  She is told no or redirected when necessary, but I hate having to defend her separation anxiety.  It is normal behavior at their ages, but people often misdiagnose it with being "spoiled".  Keep doing what you're doing; it sounds like you're doing a bang up job. 

On another note- my friend also has an ahole kid who gets what he wants all the time.  He was throwing a fit when DD was eating her smash cake.  He kept going up to her cake and taking pieces of frosting off of it.  I kept telling him to stop, because it was her cake.  His mom said, "well, just give him a cupcake, and he will leave her alone."  It's funny no other child at the party cared about her eating her cake, but I guess I will give in so your child stops eating my babies cake...