Anyone else not planning on BFing?

kgs0505

I really don't plan to do more than minimal BFing in the very beginning.  It may sound selfish, but with a toddler and two newborns to come, I really need to be able to sleep at night.  My husband and I had shifts worked out for our adopted son when he was tiny (so he was never BF either), which worked really well for us.  We both at least got some quality sleep each night.  I just can't be the only one on deck for feedings.  I am a miserable, miserable person if I don't sleep and I'm prone to depression as it is, so sleep is very important for me.

I give all you ladies a lot of credit who EBF and BF/P.  I just don't think I can handle it.

Housefull

I didn't.  I had trips, but I had a singleton before them and didn't bf him either.  I REALLY thought about pumping with the trips while they were in the nicu so I could feel like I was doing something for them, guilt for leaving them, etc.  (And because after my singleton I said I was going to bf the next baby, however, I did not plan on the next baby being babies!)

However, I knew my decision not to bf/pump was best for my family.  I had been on bedrest for 14 weeks and was really concerned about getting my energy, stamina,  c section recovery, and getting some good rest before they came home.  The nurses also kept saying they weren't going to be there long (and they were only there less than 2 weeks after I left), so I kept thinking that I would be up all the time pumping and then they would be home and have no time for my recovery and rest. I knew I needed to be on top of my game for them.  At my 2 week check up, my ob remarked how well I seemed to be doing emotionally for having nicu babies, recovery, etc, and I attribute it to getting good rest and getting my body back by not pumping/bf.  

Ok, very long winded way of saying, do what is best for your family and your body.  I knew I needed to rest, sleep, and recovery to be the best momma for all my children. 

leapgirl8

We also did shifts (five hours each) with our twins. At the beginning when she was establishing her supply DW would get up once to pump, but she started sleeping through shortly after. I gave them pumped milk in bottles, or formula. I'm NOT trying to convince you to BF if you don't want to - it's none of my business and FF babies turn out just fine. Just wanted to let you know that it is still possible to do the shifts and get sleep and BF.

Ourfamilyof5

I won't be BFing my twins. Like you, I also have a toddler (he'll be 22 months when the babies arrive) and we also don't have any family near us (closest is 5 hours away). I exclusively BF my son for 8 months so I know exactly what it's involved. I also know breast milk is best for babies and that it has many, many benefits. All that to say, I also know how hard things can be when you're completely sleep deprived so I've made the decision to not BF so that I can be a better wife to my husband and a better mom to all 3 kids. It's without a doubt the best decision for me and I'm yet to let one person make me feel guilty about it (though truly, there have only been a handful of people that have tried to convince me to BF...most have been super supportive). I know tons of formula fed babies and they've all turned out fine! I too give credit to the MoMs that EBF and pump, but I'm just not going to be one of them! Do what's best for you and your family and don't feel bad about it

Mrs.Paws

I nursed my now toddler for 12 months, and the sleep deprivation and pressure I put on myself to do it contributed to my PPD. No doubt in my mind. And I will not do that to myself again. I plan to take it one day at a time this go around and have no set "goals" in terms of BF'ing.

We will definitely do shifts while it works for DH and his job. If that means I lose supply even with pumping, I'm fine with that. I will try pumping but after the care of the babies, my sleep will come next. Fortunately, we will have help but I don't expect my mom or MIL to get up in the middle of the night.

Do what is best for you and your whole family. Don't let anyone tell you BF'ing is the only way to have healthy babies!!


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LadyNikon

I want to BF but if I can't I will be pumping. 

pea-kay

i just kind of played it by ear. i honestly had no expectations. i did end up pumping for 8 weeks, but for not much milk at all. they got 90% formula for the first two months, and 100% after that. like you, i needed my sleep.

Jen0204

I wish that I had your perspective going in. I tried for 1.5 months to BF and for 3 months to pump, and my max was 18 ounces in one day and I hit that once. That's not much for two babies! Not only was I up every few hours to pump, but I pumped for 20-40 minutes each time. I put so much pressure on myself and with a 3 hour schedule the cycle of BF one baby, pass off to be bottle fed, BF next baby, bottle feed her, put down to sleep, then pump left me little time to myself to eat, shower, or use the bathroom, much less actually cuddle with and enjoy my babies. I really regret that the first 3 months were about trying to make BFing work and my supply come in instead of being about enjoying my new babies. That's not to say that many women on here haven't been successful and had great experiences - and I'm happy that they got at least some colostrum and BM in the NICU - but I think the newborn stage would have been much more enjoyable for me if I had just let it go. With a toddler I especially don't blame you - my friend has a toddler and twin babies and her toddler throws a tantrum every time she sees the pump come out and my friend feels like she's not spending enough time with her toddler because she's always breastfeeding someone.  

kiwi443

Jen0204:

I wish that I had your perspective going in. I tried for 1.5 months to BF and for 3 months to pump, and my max was 18 ounces in one day and I hit that once. That's not much for two babies! Not only was I up every few hours to pump, but I pumped for 20-40 minutes each time. I put so much pressure on myself and with a 3 hour schedule the cycle of BF one baby, pass off to be bottle fed, BF next baby, bottle feed her, put down to sleep, then pump left me little time to myself to eat, shower, or use the bathroom, much less actually cuddle with and enjoy my babies. I really regret that the first 3 months were about trying to make BFing work and my supply come in instead of being about enjoying my new babies. That's not to say that many women on here haven't been successful and had great experiences - and I'm happy that they got at least some colostrum and BM in the NICU - but I think the newborn stage would have been much more enjoyable for me if I had just let it go. With a toddler I especially don't blame you - my friend has a toddler and twin babies and her toddler throws a tantrum every time she sees the pump come out and my friend feels like she's not spending enough time with her toddler because she's always breastfeeding someone.  

Me too. I bf'd, pumped and supplemented for 2 1/2 months before switching to 100% formula. That is when life started to feel somewhat manageable. Had I known I would never be able to be ebf (which was my original goal), I most likely would've ff from the start.

tombomb84

I am planning on playing it by ear.  I would like to try breastfeeding, but as a FTM I really have no idea what it entails so I don't feel like I can commit to it until I actually give it a try.  Time will tell!  Do what is best for you and your family.  It sounds like you will have your hands full either way!

jimmie48fan

I am not BF at all. I didn't with my first I tried pumping but my milk didn't come in until he was almost 2 weeks old.  I was willing to pump as I understood the importance of it all, but I just couldn't bring myself to actually BF.  Not my comfort zone.  This time around I have already been buying formula for these 2.  I need more thats for sure but I have a good start.  If it is something they don't like I can always take it back and get a different kind if its not already open.  

Good Luck do what you need to do for your own peace of mind too.  

 

Toodaloos

Robin 

Breezy8407

You need to do what's best for your family - including you.

I pumped after each feeding, but then started to skip one of the night feedings/pumpings and H would feed them so I got a 5-6 hour stretch of sleep. So like PP its possible to pump and bottle feed and still get sleep with a partner. 

Ours got 1-2 bottles of formula a day from the beginning. By 15 weeks, I stopped pumping completely because it was so difficult to do with my job and finding the time at home after work when I really just wanted to be with my babies. 

mamak0328

You need to do what is best for your family and ignore anyone that tries to make you feel guilty.  I would like to breastfeed for a few weeks but I am playing it by ear.  I will do whatever is best for my family and if that includes FF then I am all for it.  

Q'smom

I am having twin boys any day now and already have a 2.5 yo. I plan to primarily use formula and do a little BF at first. With my first son, I totally drank the cool aid about BF. I thought I would be a terrible mom if I didn't EBF. I ended up having a terrible delivery with multiple complications. I was not allowed to BF for >12 hrs following birth. No one bothered to tell me this might decrease my supply. Also, none of the hospital staff warned me that even a baby that latches/ sucks might be getting little to no nourishment. This is exactly what happened. Thank God we had home health nurses weighing my son daily or we might not have realized I was producing very little (I wasn't pumping). I still have tremendous guilt about starving my child. A co-worker recently told me that formula was "a bunch of dangerous chemicals" and in no way comparable to breast milk. I told her formula saved my child's life and I plan to use it again! It really makes me angry that the medical community preaches the value of BF but does not warn mom's that not everyone can BF (or should). Just like anything else, EBF or BF at all is not for everyone!!!

kgs0505

You ladies are awesome! Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it : ....

bbamlett

I have never had great success at BFing.  My oldest who is 9 was BF the longest.  almost 6 months.  Her sister had reflux issues and was done at about 3 months.  Jayden, who is now 8 months old was BF for about 8 weeks.  I seem to have production issues on one side and Jayden ate, and still eats, more than I could ever keep up with.  With the twins I hope to do what I can but I am not going to stress myself out with it.  Especially considering that Jayden will only be 11 - 12 months old when they arrive.

 

Good luck with your decision!!

 

KDR1979

I was very serious about EBF until the twins came at 36 weeks and would.not.latch. I then EP'd. It was incredibly exhausting...every 3 hours, I attempted to latch Baby A, then gave her a bottle of BM, then a bottle of formula, repeated with Baby B and then pumped 25-40 minutes. I hardly slept or left my house for the first 8 weeks. They probably got 75% BM for the first few weeks, but as they increased their volumes, I couldn't keep up. My best supply was 16-20oz/day-pumping 8x/day and even spending 1.5hours attemping to latch both babies + pumping...most women would be spilling milk all over the place...NOT me! Then they got 50% BM for at least a month. DS learned to latch @ 10 wks and DD at 14 weeks. My supply was crap by then. I do now let them latch and then give them a bottle of formula, so they get 90-95% formula now. I have a new attitude about BF'ing...it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If this weren't my only chance at BF'ing, I probably wouldn't have worked so hard. I do like to be able to bring a baby into my bed in the early morning (5-6am), lie on my side and nurse them back to sleep. They get just enough milk + cuddling with me to fall back asleep. The other night, the babies wouldn't go to sleep...they are usually great at bedtime...we put them down drowsy and they fall right asleep, but I was able to latch them and they were both out in like 2 minutes. Having moments like that make all the hard work worth it to me...but I've been able to take an extended leave and will be going back to work 11/1. If I had to go back to work at 12 weeks, it would have never worked-DD still wasn't latching then!

But, I think FF or BF'ing is a personal choice and both result in healthy babies!

Good luck to you!  

Conky3000

pea-kay:

i just kind of played it by ear. i honestly had no expectations. i did end up pumping for 8 weeks, but for not much milk at all. they got 90% formula for the first two months, and 100% after that. like you, i needed my sleep.

 This was pretty much our scenario too,e xcept our daughter got more breastmilk than our son because she would nurse a few times a day. I thought she was just doing it for comfort and barely getting anything, but I think she was getting a bit more than I initially thought (my guess would be somewhere between 2-5 oz per day but that's a total guess). 

I didn't have the supply to nurse (when we brought them home from the hospital after my c section, they had NO wet or dirty diapers so we freaked out and started giving them formula...they were like changed babies once they started getting some food), plus our son wasn't really interested in the breast unless he was really upset and wanted comfort (he didn't take a soother).

I didn't have time to pump...I tried to do it when I could for the first two months or so but being home alone with twins doesn't exactly give you regular opportunity to pump uninterrupted for 15-20 minutes at a time. After 10 minutes nothing would come out anyway and the most I EVER pumped was 2 ounces between both breasts, but more typical was 1 or MAYBE 1.5 ounces between both.

So yeah, we formula fed. I felt super guilty about it at first because I had wanted to breastfeed and/or pump but it just wasn't going to happen. I was also super exhausted. I know every new mother is super exhausted, but I mean I was really messed up exhausted, stress, severe anxiety...I'm pretty sure I was suffering from PPD (I think I still am to a much lesser extent but that's another story) and on top of that my blood pressure was really elevated and lack of sleep and stress were only making it worse. In retrospect I can't believe I was so hesitant to give them formula when they were clearly starving...my judgement was way off because I was so tired and effed up. I might have slept a cumulative total of 2 hours while in hospital for 3 days plus I only slept about 4 hours the night before the c section.

Anyway, I'll stop my babbling. The short version is I needed sleep too and I'm sure prioritizing sleep sabatoged any hopes of continuing with breastfeeding in any significant way but for my health and sanity I HAD TO SLEEP. It's not like I was sleeping for 8 hours (I'm a poor sleeper to begin with and I'm pretty sure PPD was making it worse), but at least my husband could take some of the feedings at night and we knew our babies were being fed. I think a lot of women who are 100% breastfeeding is the only option don't really believe some women have issues with supply but I can tell you I sure as sh*t did.

Now I'm a little sad that I wasn't able to breastfeed and the cost of formula has been tough to bear, but I don't feel so guilty about it. Our twins are doing really well, I'm reasonably sane and I didn't have a stroke so I'm happy. You have to do what makes sense for your family. Sleep is important to everyone, but I know from experience that some people function better without it than others and I'm not one of them (sounds like you aren't either). We're extremely lucky to live in a time where we have options for feeding our children. I hate to think what would have happened to our babies had we had them in a time without formula. Of course, that would have been a time without IVF either, so....ha.

OKay. End babble now! Congratulations and enjoy! 

Conky3000

Q'smom:

Also, none of the hospital staff warned me that even a baby that latches/ sucks might be getting little to no nourishment. This is exactly what happened. Thank God we had home health nurses weighing my son daily or we might not have realized I was producing very little (I wasn't pumping). I still have tremendous guilt about starving my child.  It really makes me angry that the medical community preaches the value of BF but does not warn mom's that not everyone can BF (or should).

 

Oh my goodness, same here. The hospital I was at was all about breastfeeding whichis fine, but to the extent that they didn't even MENTION formula or when we might need to consider it, even though I'd had a c section and twins and was clearly in rough shape physically and emotionally (and mentally). Now I know they're my children and my responsibility, but still. I have way more guilt about starving my babies those first few days than I do about not giving them more breastmilk. And when I think about the hospital experience, I still have some anger.

And no, I couldn't have done a home birth or midwife birth because both twins were breech...at least not without seriously compromising the safety of all three of us.

projectbaby2012

I think you have to do what's right for your family. 

I'm hoping to primarily breast feed, but with 2 babies coming, I have no idea what to expect and have been stocking up on formula samples.  I'm not going to be hard on myself if EBF doesn't work out.  

If nothing else, this pregnancy has taught me that there are so many things that are just out of my control, and that's ok as long as I remain flexible.