Healing After Loss of Twins at 20 Weeks

FVCorneliaMarie

I lost my twin girls at 20 weeks due to group b strep and placental abruption in July.

It was the most horrible and devastating situation we have ever been thru.

How can you ever really recover from this?

I really try to put on a brave face, and make it seem like I have almost healed.

Sometimes though, I cry when I think of my babies.

I really miss them.

I am currently on stim medication for a new IVF cycle. I am soo worried a loss like this could happen again.

We go to an 'empty arms' support group.

I am not sure that talking about it helps me.

For I know the plans I have for you,? declares the Lord, ?plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Can anyone relate?

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your girls. Did you name them? If you are comfortable sharing we would love to get to know your girls. To answer your question, I don't think we do ever move on. The pain just gets wrapped up into who we are, and slowly our hearts expand and we are able to let more love and joy in but the space occupied by our angels never gets smaller or goes away. I miss my daughter every day. Every day I think of what we could be doing and I don't think this will ever stop.

I hope you can find some support here among these amazing women. I wish you the best of luck with this cycle and I hope we will welcome you to PgAL soon.  

meli1025

I'm so sorry for the loss of your girls, I am fresh in the loss of my baby girl but just want to offer you hugs. 

jess123456

I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girls.

While no one wants to be here, you have come to a very supportive and comforting place and these ladies are amazing. They really understand. 

I am just 5 weeks out from the loss of my baby girl and I am far from the point of being recovered and I am not sure if that will ever happen. What I am told is that it is all about making a new normal for yourself. 

I have started to see a therapist which has helped a lot in terms of talking about my feelings. Like you, I try to put on a brave face but I find that sometimes I am really broken inside and I just want to cry. My therapist told me that there is no timeline on how I feel. 

What the ladies here have taught me is that it's ok to cry and to let it out but if you don't cry it's not because you love your girls any less. Your girls know that you love them.

I imagine that TTC again is very scary. If you feel comfortable, the ladies over on PGAL or PAL would be of great assistance with talking to you about that journey.  

Please know that you aren't alone and we are always here for you.  Sending you tons of hugs. 

dandywarhol

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughters. It is a horrible and devastating situation. It is ok to cry for your babies, you love them and you miss them. There is nothing wrong with that. I think it is good that you are going to a support group and if it is a good one they won't make you share unless you feel comfortable. 

It can take a long time to heal and to arrive at your "new normal". The pain becomes duller with time but is still a part of you. That is ok. It is ok to grieve your babies and the hopes and dreams associated with them.  

Please be gentle with yourself.  {{hugs}} 

nuttycoconut

I responded to your post on the mc/pl board but I wanted to tell you I'm so glad you decided to post on the loss board. I'm so sorry about your precious babies.

Williamandshawnna

I am so sorry for the loss of your girls. You have found an amazing group of women here. They have helped me more than I could ever express.

Like previous posters have said, you will find your new normal, be gentle with yourself, cry when you need to, talk when you want to. It is a long road. One of the ladies described it best as waves coming and going. Some days you're hit by big ones, some days by small ones, some days everything is calm and others a mixture.

I see a therapist and that has really helped me. I too try to put on a strong face, but I find the more I try to do that, the harder it is for me.

I cry for my boys all of the time and sometimes the strangest things will make me cry. I just never know when and what will bring the tears. I have accepted that this is not something I can recover from, but as others have taught me, it is something that I will learn to live with in my new normal, it will just become a part of me.

I start IVF #2 in January and can tell you I worry and what if, every time I think about it.

I wish you peace and comfort in your journey.

~HUGS~

Shawnna

pb127

I'm so sorry for the passing of your sweet girls. I hope you will find some comfort here, welcome. (((Hugs)))

 I still don't feel like I have recovered in that I am the person I was before, but i am able to handle my "new normal" more easily now, so I guess that's a type of recovery. I still view myself as my son's mama and do things as an extension of that, so things are definitely different, but they would have been any way if he could have stayed with us.  

 I went to a few support groups and therapists too, and I think they are great to try, but I felt that rehashing things was very, very hard on me. I talk about my kiddos with friends and family instead, and i like posting/reading on here, and i find this is much more comforting to me. It just takes time to find out what works for each of us.  (((Hugs)))