Ever Do This? Little Vent-ish

maddie&stephen

I'm seriously debating about taking a day in the next few weeks, dropping LO off at child care provider and going home to relax. All day. This might sound super selfish but I just feel like I never get a break. DH helps out but he constantly starts a task-bottles, feeding, whatever and calls on me halfway through. Not to sound whiny but he goes out of town for one to two weeks a month and I just slip into survival mode with trying to keep up with housework, DD, and work. Maybe if I just take a day to myself while I know she's safely being cared for I can recharge? Anyone else ever do this? I tried to explain to DH last night how the only time I get a break is while I'm at work and he got defensive and wanted me to stop making it sound like he doesn't do anything. He does do stuff but usually with my assistance which is why I came up with the "Fake Sick Day." Anyone else have any other suggestions that they use?

Fianschneid

I don't think there is anything wrong with this. If you have the time, take it. What do you think people are doing when they hire a babysitter?

You're paying for the childcare anyway. You might as well use it for a mental health day.

Ecy

I did this a couple of Fridays ago. It was so worth it! You need a mental health day like this every so often.

That being said, yes I felt guilty. I got over it though and realized that there is nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to your own happiness and sanity. I had a great day. I made sure that I had all housework type things in order so I wasn't tempted to get caught up or whatever. I just enjoyed myself and even had a pedicure! It really gave me a boost.

QueSrah

I think occasional mental health days are important for my sanity.

If you feel too guilty about that, I've also found that booking a few hours every weekend to have alone time helps.  Saturday afternoon I do my own thing and leave DH in charge of DD on his own.  Most of the time I have to leave the house to avoid being sucked in to childcare (or generally getting DD's attention) when I'm trying to relax. I even made a list of places I can go when I just want to sit and read a book quietly (ranging from Starbucks to museums to quiet parks).

Brit's Luna154

I've never played hookie and I don't know that I would, but I get where you are coming from. The stress of playing hookie would negate the stress relieving benefits of having a day to myself, so I would probably take a "real" day off allowing me to go about my business around town without worrying about being spotted.

Pumpkin62307

Call it a "Mental Health Day", it sounds better!

 I think you should totally do it! Ever since my husband switched to a "Monday - Friday 8-4" job, which ended up having worse hours than his previous "worse than swing shift" schedule, I have totally been in survival mode as well! If I had more vacation days to use, I would totally do this! This may be TMI, but last week I took a day and a half off because I had to have a colonoscopy...it was glorious!

KathrynMD

yes - I do this a few times a year.

Its sooo nice.  I get to run errands by myself and really think.  I spent 2 hours picking new living room lamps - it sounds sad, but wow, it was great to have that time. 

Throw in a lunch w/ a friend or sitting alone for hours or getting a pedicure, etc. adn I'm a happy girl.

MrsWindyCity

It's not selfish at all. I've done it, and if I weren't currently hoarding PTO for my maternity leave, I'd totally take a day like that now. I could use one!

salt78

That sounds glorious. I have PTO that I have to use by the end of the year and I fully intend on doing this.

redheadscu

You should totally do this! I've thought about it, but haven't done it yet. I fully support this idea!

Breezy8407

I've thought about doing this, but the opportunity hasn't arisen yet. That and I am hoarding PTO for when the babies are sick this winter. Sad, but it will be necessary.

Lately, I feel like I need a day just to get caught up at home with no one there, so I might need to do this soon.  

LoCarb

Absolutely I do this. I need a mental health day once in a while. Occasionally, I will schedule a "day of fun" and do things I can't do with kids; casino,movies,etc.... Nothing to feel guilty about.

H takes these often like once a wk.

honkytonk_kid

I've never called off work to do it, but once in a while I will be off a day that LO is signed up for preschool. It's glorious.

DO IT

Nechie122

Absolutely! If I have leftover vacation days left over at the end of the year, I drop DD off at daycare and have fun. Last year I arranged a three service spa day on my birthday; it was blissful!

But what worries me about your post is the underlying tension with your DH; it sounds like you don't think he appreciates you and you two need to talk about why. Your DH should be fully supportive of your plans and not make you feel bad about it.

DTNZ4Ever

I do this a few times a year. Totally worth it. I am off Mondays and I dropped off DS at their house for his nap. He will have dinner with them then my mom will drop him off before bed. So nice.

pitterpatter129

If I had enough sick days saved up (used them on last maternity leave!), I'd totally do this tomorrow! I'm so tired! I think everyone needs a mental health day sometimes.

seasidebride05

That is what I did today.  I was off and daycare was still open--so I took him in later than usual and then had the day to myself.  His teachers told me to do it--said moms need me time to take of themselves.  When I picked my little guy up, his teacher asked if I enjoyed my day and gave me a big hug and told me she was glad I did it.

I am a teacher and have a week off at Thanksgiving and 2.5 weeks at Christmas, better believe I will doing it again for a few days during those times!

laurakaz13

Of course it's not selfish to take care of yourself! Stop being a martyr! I do this every once in a while. I will bring DD to daycare on days off for 3 hours or so, and take some time for myself. 

I also get babysitters so I can get my hair done, get facials, work out, have lunch with friends, whatever! 

My DH also parents 50/50 with me.  There are no excuses and he doesn't do anything half*ssed.  I think you need to have a converstation with your husband about this, or just let him deal with it and stop "saving" him.  He should be able to give an entire bottle without your help, for example.  Come on!

iverske9

I do this once every 3-4 months :-) Keeps me sane and I usually take a nap and then am refreshed and a happier mom and better at work. I think it is a necessity

skibunny59

Your DH sounds like mine.  My DH always thinks he helps out much more than he actually does.  And yeah, he'll be doing things like getting DD ready for her bath or getting her dressed and call me in for help.  Men are funny.

glinters

When DS was about your LO's age I went to a spa and used a gift certificate for a postpartum massage (it was supposed to have been prenatal, but that's another story).  It was glorious, I have never felt so relaxed and afterward I went home and took a NAP! To this day I still remember how good it felt and how well deserved it was.

skibunny59

Oh and there is nothing wrong with taking a day for yourself. We all need a little break once in awhile. You work hard mama. You deserve it!

daisy662

Estwd2:

I do this at least once a month! I call them my "mental health days." They are crucial to my (and my husband's) survival.

Wow - your job is OK with you calling in more than once a month???

maddie&stephen

Thank you all! I've just had such a hard time with dropping DD off and then only getting what seems like such few hours a week with her-I think that is where the guilt feeling was coming in. I know she has fun at her childcare provider (in home-with three other girls) and I guess once in a blue moon it would be ok for me to do so. I'm short on PTO from maternity leave but every now and then around the holidays my office closes for a day so maybe I can take advantage then. I appreciate the feedback and support!!

Printergirl

Once in a while yes! Usually it's to attack our house and get groceries along with maybe a nap or pedicure or something for myself. I do feel guilt but it's worth it. I plan ahead at work so I don't have a pile (or as big a one anyway) waiting for me.

supermom2008

daisy662:

Estwd2:

I do this at least once a month! I call them my "mental health days." They are crucial to my (and my husband's) survival.

Wow - your job is OK with you calling in more than once a month???

 

I was thinking the same thing! At my job, if you call in sick more than 5 times (not 5 days, but six times) within a 12 month period, it may be grounds for termination!