I'm in denial at 38 weeks....

steffiluv

I'm 38 weeks, and have had a "healthy" pregnancy. I'm worried though because I don't feel a connection or  bond with my lil girl. I stopped taking my antidepressants when I found out I was preggers, and pretty much the whole time I've felt blah. I know it was best for her, so I've stuck with it, however, with only 2 weeks left, I'm wondering when or if I'll finally be excited and happy and in love with her. I have no fears of harming her or myself, just of indifference, making it day by day, going through the motions. Any ideas? I don't think I can find a therapist to get me in on short notice, and don't even know where to begin...

thank you  

LoCarb

I'm assuming at 38 wks you are visiting your OB weekly...and this is a dr that you can talk to about your issues.  Your OB can even prescribe meds if needed.  Not feeling an immediate bond to the baby is normal; especially as a FTM in the NB phase.  Though she's not quite born yet, please remember this and keep in mind it will get easier as she gets older and I bet you'll have unconditional love for her.  Please talk to your ob.

Moesten

I agree wholeheartedly with Locarb. And what you are feeling is not unusual at.all. Many women struggle with these expectations that there is this instant bond and love  you are "supposed" to feel. The reality is that being a first time mom and bringing home and caring for this tiny, alien-like, crying, needy creature is scary, exhausting, and full of confusion. And fear of judgement. And fear of screwing it up. But be true to yourself and parent in a way that feels right and natural to you and to hell with anyone else's input. My daughter and I did not have that bond that I thought we were "supposed" to have. She always responded better to my DH or my mother (that hurt). But now at 4 she is my heart. Somewhere along the line we found our groove and figured each other out. 

 And please, please, please keep an eye on yourself for PPD. I waited too long after my second to get treatment. I wasted time that didn't need to be wasted. As soon as you suspect something, please talk with your OB. 

Best of luck to you. You will figure this mommy business out. And your relationship with your child will be unlike any other in your life - both the good bits and the not-so-good bits. I am wishing you lots of luck and hoping you'll be patient and forgiving of yourself.  

steffiluv

Thank you so much - I feel better just knowing I'm not alone!