feeling guilty about quitting pumping

WannaBAmama

I have had a hard time breasfeeding both of my boys. With both of them, I was told by LC's that I'm part of the .1% of women who just can't bf. I hardly produce anything. With my first son I tried to exclusively BF and he lost so much weight because of my lack of supply that we were doing weight checks every 3 days before we realized I just wouldn't get a good supply and switched to formula.

Anyways- My LO is 2 months old and I'm still pumping. I only pump .5oz (combined) with each 20 minute pumping session. My husband wants me to continue to pump until I go back to work...I do too but I'm sooo ready to quit. Even the LC in the hospital told me I should just try to continue to pump until LO left the NICU. I've continued a month and a half beyond that and feel good about that. I say I'm quitting all the time, but I feel too guilty to actually quit when it comes down to it. I'd really like to quit and enjoy my last three weeks of maternity leave without worrying about pumping. I think if LO wasn't a preemie that I would have already quit but I want to give my lil preemie any bit of BM that i can, even if it is .5oz. I guess I'm just frustrated with my back and forth, I just want to quit and not feel guilty about it.

Missa_g

It is such a tough decision. I think the main thing is you need to switch your thinking. Quitting has negative connotations but if it would make you a happier mom it's not a negative thing. You have done a GREAT job! I can empathize with the guilt because I felt the same way.

jcsntms06

Try not to beat yourself up. I had a hard time finding time to pump once DD came home from the NICU (it's hard with two kids). I enjoyed my time with DD while on maternity leave and just pumped a few times (usually at night and once in the morning). Like you my supply sucked and when I wasn't BFing and I had to supplement with formula. I felt like all I was doing was feed her and not really enjoying her. Do what you think is best. Hang in there Mama.

WannaBAmama

CurlingRocks:

Wow!  You are so amazing to me! You've given your baby such a tremendous gift in pumping as long as you have.  You do not need to feel guilty about quitting, especially since it will free you up to do other things with baby during all that time.  If BM vs. formula is your main issue with quitting, could you get pedi to write a prescription for BM?  If that is not it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding your baby formula, as I'm sure you are well-aware.  If you see it more like I did as a way to make up for your body not keeping baby in longer, counseling might help you get through the emotions.  If it makes you feel any better, I felt very similarly when I stopped pumping.

I had the exact opposite issue (oversupply), so I was frustrated by how much I had to pump and had to wean myself down to a reasonable supply.  And DS didn't BF for months!  I was really frustrated, so I can imagine how frustrated you must be yet you continue on.  (I really don't mean this as in-your-face as it reads.  Sorry if I've offended you.  I find you so inspirational!)

Thank you Not offended at all. I am used to the amount I pump so I didnt really think much about it. But when LO was still in the nicu and I'm telling the LC that I pump .5oz in a session and she goes to talk to the mom of the LO next to my LO in the nicu and I overhear her saying she pumps 5oz per session I was like WHOA Why am i wasting my time with my measley .5oz! lol It took me 6 pumping sessions to get him one bottle per day when he was still in the nicu. I have been cutting back my pumping sessions since he's been home. Now i'm down to just two sessions per day...so he only gets 1oz of breast milk per day. My issue isn't with giving him formula, he's been getting formula since day one. I'm so glad he's on neosure, it's sure plumping up my little guy My issue and guilt comes more from wanting to provide him any immunity to illnesses that I can through my BM. I'm terrified of him getting sick this winter and I know if he gets sick I'm going to feel guilty and I'm going to feel like I wish I could have provided more BM and more immunity.

downwardsunshine

I struggled with this too. I had no intention to BF but when DS was born prematurely the nicu pushed breastfeeding and pumping so hard that I tied it. DS had and still Has a horrible latch so I became an exclusive pumper, for two months I would pump every 3 hours but I couldn't keep up with his needs and he had horrible Gastro issues. My DH would have to wake me up in the middle of the night so I could pump enough for his next feed. I grew to hate that pump. I was Spending more time with  it than I was my son. I was exhausted, stressed out, and overwhelmed. After 2 months I decided formula was not the devil and I've never looked back. My poor son's gastrointestinal issues have completely cleared up thanks to Similac sensitive. Don't feel guilty, do what's best for you.