I'm pissed and I don't know who to believe...

sunandsand

Thursday DH picked the kids up from the sitters. As he was bringing them in, he fell going up the concrete stairs to our townhome. 

He said he landed on his elbows to protect DD, (10 mo) who he was carrying and that she didnt hit her head. His elbows looked BAD, they bled for a long time. 

Tonight I was outside and my neighbor asked how DD was. I didn't know what she was talking about. Apparently she saw them fall and says DD definitely hit her head. She said it looked bad enough that she would have taken her to the ER....and she has 4 kids, so she is not a FTM.

Sure enough, there are 2 scrapes on DDs head.

Of course I went off on DH. He swears he thought she didnt hit her head. I made him talk me through it again. He said afterwards she cried, but he thought it was because she was scared. She did not go to sleep or vomit afterwards.

I can see how he might assume I would overreact and take her to urgent care/ER. I probably would have. But I would not have been mad at him...accidents happen! He is mad at me for believing the neighbor over him, and he left because of it....I am just sad that she got hurt and I didnt know about it until now! 

stdldb29

If my DH said he didn't think DD hit her head, then that is what I would believe. 

Brewtowngrl

If you can't believe your husband there are some other issues there. 

groovygrl

I would also believe your husband. If she really 'hit' her head hard there likely would be bruises & a bump, not just a couple scrapes... so maybe he didn't realize she brushed the steps when he fell.  fwiw there are many non FTMs who take kids the ER for minor things all the time... try not to worry.

Angela814

I think watching the fall is much different than being involved in it. I can see how with everything that happened, he might not have realized that she hit her head. I'd say it was an honest mistake.

AEN1029

groovygrl:

I would also believe your husband. If she really 'hit' her head hard there likely would be bruises & a bump, not just a couple scrapes... so maybe he didn't realize she brushed the steps when he fell.  fwiw there are many non FTMs who take kids the ER for minor things all the time... try not to worry.

This exactly.

lemonJAM

I would definitely believe my husband in this situation.

sunandsand

the fact that he kept her awake and watched for vomiting tells me at least thought there was a chance she hit her head, but thats not what he told me that day. I just wish he had told me there was a chance, I am a medical professional...

dragon_chica

I think you're being way too hard on DH.  I have a feeling that DH felt that if he didn't keep her awake to monitor her you would get on his case about that as well.  So now him doing that has in a way made him look guilty.  And TBH, I would be a little hurt if DH took a neighbor's word over mine's. 

groovygrl

sunandsand:

the fact that he kept her awake and watched for vomiting tells me at least thought there was a chance she hit her head, but thats not what he told me that day. I just wish he had told me there was a chance, I am a medical professional...

I get that you aren't happy that he made it seem like there was no chance when clearly there was a chance, but please let it go & don't put the neighbor's opinion above your husband's...yesterday my over 3 yr old DD asked me for a piece of tape to tape up her "grocery list". She has taped up other random pieces of paper & is not one to put random crap in her mouth since she was a little over two...suddenly I hear her gag & cough & my first thought is that piece of tape since she was sitting on the floor w/ no food or anything else around her...we both run over to her & I'm like, DD did you put that tape in your mouth? and my H is opening her mouth & feeling around and she starts screaming & crying... she denies it, he says he saw it in her mouth & it is nowhere to be found on floor or paper. We think she swallowed it. I feel terrible about the entire thing (since she could have choked instead of swallowing but I still will be nervous until a day or two from now when I feel she has pooped adequately).... BUT the point of my story is that what made me feel by far the most horrible was my husband glaring at me, saying WHY did you let her have that tape (meanwhile she was sitting there w/ the paper & piece of tape in front of him as well) and then walking out to the grill, slamming the door, etc.  Please stop making your husband feel like that, I'm sure the self inflicted guilt of tripping while holding her & her scraping her head is quite enough.

 

12bailey18

I would have believed my husband if that's what he told me. It probably all happened so fast it may have been hard to see or remember from either one of them. If DD was acting fine and all seemed well, I would not have worried about it. "Going off" on him probably didn't help the situation. LOL. 

ASmallWonder

fredalina:

Why can't you believe both of them? Neither of them has to be "lying" for them to be mistaken. He fell, he protected DD and in so doing took what sounds like a pretty painful injury to himself in the process of protecting her, he didn't think she hit her head, the neighbor thought she did, she has small scrapes on her head which could be from hitting her head or could be from his watch or after landing and starting to slide down, etc, he wat he'd to make sure she was ok (and she was), and she's not hurt now. Honestly I understand why he is hurt. He got injured and did his best to protect the baby and make sure she's okay while saving your worry and bank account by not going to the hospital unnecessarily, and you're kind of accusing him of having terrible judgment. His judgment is fine because DD is fine.

100% this. 

zeptattoo

fredalina:

Why can't you believe both of them? Neither of them has to be "lying" for them to be mistaken. He fell, he protected DD and in so doing took what sounds like a pretty painful injury to himself in the process of protecting her, he didn't think she hit her head, the neighbor thought she did, she has small scrapes on her head which could be from hitting her head or could be from his watch or after landing and starting to slide down, etc, he wat he'd to make sure she was ok (and she was), and she's not hurt now. Honestly I understand why he is hurt. He got injured and did his best to protect the baby and make sure she's okay while saving your worry and bank account by not going to the hospital unnecessarily, and you're kind of accusing him of having terrible judgment. His judgment is fine because DD is fine.

DItto this.  Both can be "right" based on the different POVs of the accident.

Jen&Len

How bad were the scrapes on her head?  DD fell down our concrete steps while my IL's were "watching" her and her scrapes were pretty bad and she was fine.  They were really deep abrasions all over the left side of her face.  We did rush her to the ER, but she was totally fine except for the abrasions.  Just keep your eye out for the typical head injury warning signs.  Crying afterwards is a good thing....I'd be more worried if she didn't cry.

I don't think your DH intentionally lied to you or anything.  He probably truly believe that he shielded her from the fall.

MBMcC421

I would never for a minute insinuate that my husband was lying to me in regards to the well-being of my daughter... could there have been a possibility that they both were right, rather than insisting that something was wrong?  I can say from experience that I have fallen up concrete steps with my daughter in my arms, and even protecting her to the best of my abilities she still hit her head.  It happens, unfortunately.  And I felt horrible for it, but never once did my husband ever doubt my telling of the take.  Honestly, if my husband told me one this, and a caretaker told me another, I would never for a minute think it was my husband who was in the wrong...

AtlJuneBride

fredalina:

Why can't you believe both of them? Neither of them has to be "lying" for them to be mistaken. He fell, he protected DD and in so doing took what sounds like a pretty painful injury to himself in the process of protecting her, he didn't think she hit her head, the neighbor thought she did, she has small scrapes on her head which could be from hitting her head or could be from his watch or after landing and starting to slide down, etc, he wat he'd to make sure she was ok (and she was), and she's not hurt now. Honestly I understand why he is hurt. He got injured and did his best to protect the baby and make sure she's okay while saving your worry and bank account by not going to the hospital unnecessarily, and you're kind of accusing him of having terrible judgment. His judgment is fine because DD is fine.

This.  When DD was about a year I fell down some steep steps and actually lost my grip on her.  She hit her head pretty hard (and I was pretty banged up as well, but I didn't care one bit about that).  She cried for a minute and then was fine (and nurse said if she's acting normally just to keep an eye on her but no ER was necessary) and I cried for a few hours.  I felt horrible and guilty and if my husband had been anything other than supportive I would have completely had a melt down.  I am sure your DH didn't think your DD hit her head.  He did his best to protect her and it was an accident.  He probably feels horrible about the whole thing and instead of trying to find some way to blame him, you might want to reassure him that accidents happen and that everyone is okay.  You should be thankful for that.

MammaBear81

fredalina:

Why can't you believe both of them? Neither of them has to be "lying" for them to be mistaken. He fell, he protected DD and in so doing took what sounds like a pretty painful injury to himself in the process of protecting her, he didn't think she hit her head, the neighbor thought she did, she has small scrapes on her head which could be from hitting her head or could be from his watch or after landing and starting to slide down, etc, he wat he'd to make sure she was ok (and she was), and she's not hurt now. Honestly I understand why he is hurt. He got injured and did his best to protect the baby and make sure she's okay while saving your worry and bank account by not going to the hospital unnecessarily, and you're kind of accusing him of having terrible judgment. His judgment is fine because DD is fine.

 All of this, and the fact that you jumped on your DH after hearing from your neighbor tells me there are other issues.

diana.filipi

I must agree that both the title of the post and the tone of your words implies some issues in your marriage.  I wouldn't talk to my husband like that and would be very hurt and upset if he acted/talked to me that way.  Do you not believe that he loves your daughter and has her best interest at heart?  Would he be so afraid of you that he would lie to cover up her being hurt, even accidentally?