Coming out of lurkdom to ask if I'm the crazy one

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racegrrl714

twatley:

Wait. How in the world is the OP receiving these responses?

Her husband spend $420 on one night out without consulting her.
They are now in a position that they cannot afford their bills.
He told her to get over it because he makes the money.

How in the hell can you guys possibly think that she is the one being immature? I'd be pissed at the shithead until he apologized to me and figured out how he was going to fix our family budget without dipping into our savings account.

Sounds like dude needs to get to mowing some lawns if you ask me.

 

I agree with Twatley. Anytime I spend over $50 on something that is not specifically in the budget, I consult with DH. And I expect him to do the same. OP, I think you need to set down a ground rule such as this.

TunaTown

Everyone who's responded provided some great advice.

However...$170 for a concert ticket?  I'm curious about who he went to see in concert.

jess60

MissNikki007:

twatley:

Wait. How in the world is the OP receiving these responses?

Her husband spend $420 on one night out without consulting her.
They are now in a position that they cannot afford their bills.
He told her to get over it because he makes the money.

How in the hell can you guys possibly think that she is the one being immature? I'd be pissed at the shithead until he apologized to me and figured out how he was going to fix our family budget without dipping into our savings account.

Sounds like dude needs to get to mowing some lawns if you ask me.

 

 

grr_aargh

twatley:

Wait. How in the world is the OP receiving these responses?

Her husband spend $420 on one night out without consulting her.
They are now in a position that they cannot afford their bills.
He told her to get over it because he makes the money.

How in the hell can you guys possibly think that she is the one being immature? I'd be pissed at the shithead until he apologized to me and figured out how he was going to fix our family budget without dipping into our savings account.

Sounds like dude needs to get to mowing some lawns if you ask me.

 

Not that it's a big piece of my reaction but I thought the $250 included the concert ticket?

 

I've never answered in a way to defend him and blast her.  I was just trying to be helpful.  If she wants me to fly him up the nearest pole, I could do that too.  

 

 

Icarusalsoflew

TunaTown:

Everyone who's responded provided some great advice.
However...170 for a concert ticket?nbsp; I'm curious about who he went to see in concert.

I was wondering this too! It better have been a damn good concert.

LuckyDad

sofamonkey:

anna karenina:

I feel like some of us are being a bit dismissive of the Op's concerns. We have a patriarchal Neanderthal waving his d!ck around, saying, yeah, I spent it and I'm not sorry and I'm keeping the change too. Just because he is the breadwinner and she is a SAHM? Why is this okay? Sure, she can't hold a grudge forever but it's not about the $. It's how he took without permission, showed no remorse when he saw hoe his wife was upset and then added salt to the wound by keeping the change. This is not a budgeting or finance issue, this is a patriarchy issue. 

Is it OK for him to be a jerk?  Absolutely not.  I don't think this is a breadwinner/SAH thing necessarily.  They need to be on the same page about finances & communicate prior to a blowup IMHO.  

It also seems like digs & low blows/ disrespectful comments are coming from both sides. 

OP - I get that you're upset & why.  Really, I do.  I still honestly think that you guys both need to get on the same page.  If you're on the same page & he's still this way, I will buy the first 100 people torches to lead the charge against him. 

I tend to agree with sofamonkey's thoughts here. It doesn't take a genius to figure out OP's fight is about money, but it's also about freedom and control. I think it's easy for a breadwinner to feel like they are working hard every day for a paycheck they never get to enjoy. OP's husband acted out in an inappropriate way, but there's a bigger issue to be resolved than simply him spending money without permission. He probably resents the hell out of the fact he has to ask his wife to spend money. It may be the only practical option; we probably all wish we had more money and all have to make sacrifices to make our family budgets work. I totally understand OP's frustration. And I think I know where OP's DH is coming from. I don't think he's using his words and addressing the situation in a constructive way. But there's a bigger issue the couple needs to deal with.

 

I think it can be helpful for some couples with combined finances to each have their own pool of "fun money" that they get to spend without any input or oversight from their partner. It can be tough to do so if every dollar of the family budget is already spoken for. But it's nice to be able to spend $12 on a lunch out or $45 on a shirt you don't really need without stressing out your partner. Also, if the pool is big enough you can use it to buy gifts for your partner, which makes it a lot sweeter than "I used our shared money to buy you flowers. You're welcome!"

cherie82

TunaTown:

Everyone who's responded provided some great advice.

However...$170 for a concert ticket?  I'm curious about who he went to see in concert.

it was the red hot chili peppers 

cherie82

I want to thank everyone again for all of your comments.  It gave me a great deal to think about.  I'm not "fuming" anymore.  I'm still a ticked off that the fact that it upset me doesn't matter.  I think I will wait til I cool off some more and try to talk to him again.  You really all have made me want to post around here more often.