Why?

tifgrayless

 After 10 years together and almost 4 of those married we finally felt ready to have a child. I felt like we checked all the boxes: jobs= good, income = good, great marriage = check and so on? We got pregnant right away; only 2 months of trying. I don?t think I have ever been that happy ? At 15 weeks my water broke (pPROM) and my son Davis was born and died a week later. My husband has been great and as always my best friend and has not left my side since we lost him but there is emptiness in my heart that seems to only grow as the days pass.  I'm lost, hurt, and angry.

 

Carolee

***Siggy warning***

 

 

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son, Davis.  I'm 2 years out from my loss, and I still wrestle with the question of why.  DH and I were actually just talking about it in the car on Friday.  The world just seems so incredibly unfair sometimes.  I'm glad your husband is being so supportive, and I hope you will continue to post here.  One of my greatest comforts after my loss was talking with others who had gone through similar experiences.  There are amazing women on this board, and I hope you will find comfort here.

weddedwife

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Davis. I lost my son last year at 22 weeks and I know the abyss you now find yourself in.

We too had a "plan". We were married for a year, bought a house a year later, got a dog a year after that and then had DD. We had the timing all worked out for baby 2. Things were going well with work, etc. We had even planned out what months to try during to plan for a spring birth. Everything was going so well and then disaster struck.

I felt like our lives had taken some scary detour and we were now trapped in some tragic alternate reality. Suddenly I didn't recognize myself or my life. It took months to figure out my new reality and to be honest I still am figuring out who I am now.

I never really questioned why because I knew it couldn't be answered, and that makes it all the more unfair. I mean, I do believe there is a solid medical reason for all of our losses, but the medical community doesn't yet have the tools to figure them out. But it's hard not to question what has happened, everything leading up to it and what now follows in its aftermath.

Like Carolee said, I hope you continue to post and find comfort here. This place was a lifeline for me after my loss. To be amongst women who understood was somehow so comforting. This is a safe place to vent, cry, rail at the world.

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your Davis. I understand and share your anger. We did everything right, and I see so many people who seem to have made every bad decision possible and they get to keep their babies. It is really difficult to watch.

I had to cut myself off from the world for a little bit. I hid all friends with babies/young children on Facebook and surrounded myself only with my close family, friends who supported us, and the women on here who understood my grief. I'm sorry to welcome you but glad you have found us and I hope you can find some support here.

jess123456

I am so sorry for the loss of your Davis. 

I can relate to everything that you are saying. I still have a lot of bitterness and anger and can't for the life of me understand why my husband and I who seem to have everything in place for a baby can't for the life of us bring a rainbow baby into this world. We sometimes sadly joke that maybe if we lost our jobs and home and started to be junkies that maybe then we would be able to have our rainbow. I know that is sick and twisted but I hope you know what I mean here.

The other day on the television I saw an ad for hunger and they had some statistic that x in x kids are born into hunger and I screamed "are you kidding me! People who can't feed their kids are having kids and we can't!" My poor husband thought I overreacted for that one but I clearly still have a lot of anger and bitterness.

I think what I am getting at here is that it is completely normal to feel this way.  Sending you lots of hugs and please know that you aren't alone.

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry about the loss of your little Davis. I am glad that you found us and hope that the women here can provide you with comfort and support as you grieve and mourn your son. 

tifgrayless

Almost at three weeks... an taking it day by day. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and for your support.