i hate to admit it...

AmyLynn78

but this parenthood thing is hard, the hardest thing I have ever attempted to succeed at...and I am failing.

I am everything for my daughter (2 1/2) and I thought I was everything for everyone else, but in reality, I need to find where I fit in this world.  I hope that my husband, who feels left out, neglected, abandoned by love, will live to see that his love will prevail. 

KateLouise

Big hugs. I don't know the specifics of your situation but I'm sure if you felt like talking about it the ladies here would happily offer support and ideas.

FWIW I don't think any parent gets it "right" all of the time. Somedays it is unbelievably hard, and the fact that my kids are fed and still alive means it's been a good day.  

Looking after yourself is really important and I firmly believe that when you look after yourself you are more energised to be all you can for your spouse and children. 

I'll just rattle off some things I do to keep myself balanced:

1) Having a tidy house matters to me. I feel less stressed when things are basically tidy and clean (not picture perfect, just not a weeks worth of dishes and laundry piling up). So once everyone is up, dressed and fed, I spend around half an hour running around the house. Do the breakfast dishes, throw on a load of laundry, and do a quick tidy, making beds, work out what's for dinner etc.

The girls come with me, which slows me down but they're learning about life, day to day skills, language etc 

No matter what else happens throughout the day, the house has at least had a quick tidy, and I feel organised for the day. 

2) I like to get outside in the fresh air. Somedays I take DD1 out to do gardening, while DD2 is napping. Sometimes we all go for a walk to the park, sometimes I kick the ball around int he garden with DD1, but basically I get fresh air, and I feel better for it.

3) I eat balanced healthy meals. I sit down with the girls to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's pretty easy because we all eat the same thing, and it means I'm eating well which gives me more energy.

4) I try and get time to myself, and that has meant reframing in what that looks like. Sometimes it's taking the dog for a walk, while the girls are with DH. Sometimes it's going to the supermarket by myself and just enjoying the freedom of walking up and down the aisles by myself.  It is different to the kind of "me" time I had in the past, and I'm ok with that.

5) There are some things I miss (like dance classes) that aren't logistically possible at the moment. I have put them on hold, and will return to them when I can. 

So that's just what works for me. None of it is very glamorous, but it works for me. What are you feeling you're failing at? Or what do you feel you're really missing? exercise? alone time? private time with DH? Maybe we can help with suggestions, or at the very least commiserate because I think what you're feeling is pretty common. 

 Good luck.

ridesbuttons

Don't neglect yourself or your marriage in favour of the child.  Do not let being a parent fundamentally change your personal relationships.

Will there be adjustments?  Of course.  But being a parent should really add to your life, not subtract things from it.

I don't know why you think you are failing at being a parent.  It's a tough gig and mothers are tougher on themselves than anyone.  If you need a break -- get one.  Hire a sitter, get a pedi and have lunch in peace.  If you need more help -- look for it.

There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

Brewtowngrl

My DH works 2nd shift and finding time for us is really hard, but we really work at it.On weekends we make a point to snuggle on the couch together when watching TV  just to have the intimacy.  It does get easier once the kids can be a little more self sufficient.  DH and I also make it a priority that our family is the most important and always comes first.  Everyone else can wait.