Advice for a friend (Siggy/Ticker warning)

KateLouise

Hi ladies, i don't want to intrude here, and so if this isn't ok please let me know and I'll delete my post.

However, I have a friend who lost her baby at 24 weeks almost 4 yrs ago. At the time we weren't very close, but rather just friendly at work. I tried to be supportive, and I don't think I said anything terrible (at least I really hope I didn't). We've talked about her birth experience, and the funeral, and I try to leave it open for her to talk about her son.

I have two issues I need your thoughts on. One is that we're much closer now than we were at the time of her loss, in someways it sparked the closeness of our friendship. If it had happened recently, I would have acted differently and been more pro-active in my support. Part of me wants to revisit the loss with her, and open up the lines of communication around it, if she wants to, and I'm not sure how, or if I should go about that.

Secondly, her mother passed away 2 months ago. her baby passed away in November. It occurred to me that the loss of her mother might make this year's anniversary even harder. So again, I'm not sure if I should bring it up to give her that opportunity to talk, or if there's a good way to do that. A card? A conversation? 

Any thoughts?
Thanks 

pottermommy

I would just tell her as the day approches that you are thinking about her and (insert baby's name) that you know that this has to be a difficult time of year for her. 

Don't worry about making her sad or making her miss her baby, she already is and does.  I wouldn't try and talk about the birth experience or anything like that unless she brought it up to you. 

If you are close now she will turn to you if she needs to, it won't matter that you weren't close then.  Just let her know that you love her and that you are there, that's all she really needs.  If you wanted to do something for the birthday/anelversary maybe you could get her a memorial necklace or bracelet from etsy.

 

KateLouise

Thanks so much for your help ladies. Just a further question, I don't know the exact date that he passed. The person i thought might know, doesn't. So I don't have anyone I could ask.

Do I be upfront in a, "I'm unsure of the exact date, but I know the anniversary is coming up and I'm thinking of you." kind of a way. Or is that adding insult to injury and making it seem like I kinda care but not really. 

if I knew the exact date, I'd be inclined to send flowers, but because I don't, I'm not sure when or how to initiate a gesture.

Thoughts?