Feel so disconnected from DH

danielle2583

I don't know if it's hormones or ppd or what it is, but I feel so disconnected from DH; and I feel terrible about it. I've been cleared to DTD, but I have absolutely no desire to really even have him near me let alone be intimate. I'm trying not to be mean or cold to him, he's trying so hard to try and snuggle up on me if I'm cooking, or just walking by him and I'm just not into it. I haven't stopped loving him, it's not that, I just dont know what to do to feel more interested in our romance. He left a sweet note on the fridge for me this morning and has duty on base (24 hour post so I won't see him again till tomorrow morning) which was so sweet. He knows I like little things like that, but it just didn't hit the heartstrings like it would have pre-baby.

Is there something wrong with me? I'm worried that this is ppd manifesting itself, but I just don't really know. I feel like we just need a day/night to ourselves but since we have no family around and the only friend I trust with DD has a dog and 5 year old that I wouldn't want around her for a long time (moreso the dog than her son) we don't really have a choice to be baby free for a while. Not to mention we live in suckville NC and there's nothing to do without driving for a few hours.

incognitoNY

I would say to just try cuddling even if you dont like the thought of it once your cuddling you may feel different.

Novem06

I was like this after DS was born...it is just such a hard adjustment in the beginning.  I don't think we had sex til 4 months pp.  If you are breastfeeding you also have a lower sex drive due to low estrogen.  Give yourself time!

cedenton

If you really want a night out try finding a sitter on care.com.  

bigbootyjudi

Nothing is wrong with you. You're a new mom, overwhelmed with a newborn who needs you around the clock, and you're just having a hard time finding time for your H/love life/anything that isn't vitally necessary during the day, since it's hard enough finding time to shower. Go out for a night. I agree with CE, a lot of my mom friends use www.care.com. You could always ask your friends who they use as well. You don't have to go do anything extravagant...go to movies, have lunch at the park, walk along the water, whatever. You could go to Burger King...really, just as long as it's just the two of you and you're having a good time.

As for not wanting to be intimate, I think that just comes with the thought of your vagina dilating to 10cm two months ago. It's normal not to feel "sexy" or want to be intimate after everything our bodies have been through. Not to mention that you're tired, smell like puke, and there's probably a baby in the room.

I don't feel distant, per say, from SO, but our relationship is definitely different. We don't get to spend a lot of time together because we work opposite shifts and when I'm off, he's at school. When we are both home for a few hours on Sunday mornings, we're in church and then it's home to feed DS and try to get him to nap before I go to work. We really don't have any alone time, so I make sure to cuddle extra hard at night.

fastcarsandfreedom3319

I know how you feel.  Last night we finally DTD and even though it wasn't all that good for me, I cried afterwards because I really had missed that closeness.  I wasn't in the mood for it, and I certainly don't feel sexy, but I didn't want to make DH hold out anymore.  I'm so glad I did it.

And definitely try to find time for the two of you, even if it means staying up late after LO is asleep, cuddling on the couch watching tv.  We did that for maybe just a half an hour after LO went down, and just touching him and being close was so comforting.  I hope you feel better!

danielle2583

Thanks everyone. It hasn't helped that I've just had a few bad days too. LO usually falls asleep for the night in the swing and DH stays downstairs with her so I can go to sleep when she does. I think we might try starting to put her to bed alone so we can stay downstairs and have the monitor on. And probably talk him into letting our friend watch her for an hour or two so we can go to dinner some night. I know *I* need for us to do that and reconnect.

sammiesjd414

I know how you feel. I do find havin a half hour or hour after dd goes to bed helps dh and i connect, chat, even watch tv together.

Dh has had a hard time with it. I am not ready to dtd, or anything leading up to it. I explained that i had dd on me and needing me 24/7, and to have him in my space too was overwhelming. It was the best way i could describe it. But it will change as dd grows. Just be open with him about how you feel.