DS is afraid of everything

BigIsland07

Something is going on with DS. He's afraid of everything lately...the dark, tractors (we live in a farming community), shadows, the wind, the sound the fridge makes (though he's heard it a million times), being alone in a room, going to the bathroom by himself. He's also started yelling at his friends at school and being pretty defiant. DH has been traveling a lot lately, but that's the only thing that's really changed.

I realize you all have no insight into my day-to-day life, but has anyone else dealt with this or gone through anything similar? Any tips?

Court0026

I have no answers or insight, but this is my DS right now too!  Frustrating for sure.  We recently moved and he knows we are only renting (and our rental has sold, so he is surely sensing our stress) and looking for a house.  I realize that is probably a lot for a 4ish year old, but I still hope it is a really fast phase and that I figure out something to help him get through it. 

LoveEeyore

You know, as I read, I was thinking that it sounds like he's htting the threes.  My oldest was a breeze  until she hit  3.  Then it hit the fan.  It was fears, not sleeping, and huge OCD.  I was a minute from diagnosinf her with a personality disorder, but on a whim, picked up the following book and waited it out.  True to it's word, my darling eventually returned to me: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506492

neverblushed

Hi there -- mom from school aged boards visiting here for a bit.

When I was reading your post, I thought to myself "Hmmm... I bet when I scroll down to her ticker, I'm going to see that her son is between 3 and 3 1/2."  Sure enough, I was right.

My son went through a stage of intense fears starting right about that age.  And you are far from the first person to have posted about dealing with some sort of kid fear at this age.  My son was afraid of: the dark, animals, fires, thunderstorms, being alone, weird noises, loud noises, and large plants (which has gotta be the weirdest kid fear I've ever heard of). 

I think my son became more fearful at that age because he was smart enough to understand that these things COULD represent real dangers.  He just didn't have the life experience to know that the things he was afraid of weren't a danger to him All.The.Time.

The key with this is to take a balanced approach between comforting him and downplaying his fears.  On one hand, you want to comfort and support him because he's afraid.  But on the other hand, if you rush in to comfort him, it inadvertently sends the message, "Oh, Mommy came to my rescue right away.  I was right! This situation really IS scary!  I really DID need Mommy's help!"  I found that when I rushed to my son's "rescue" and made a big deal of it, it ramped everything up.

We worked on finding ways that DS could face his fears with our support but with increasing independence.  This made him more confident and helped him ride out this awkward time in his life.

 

KathrynMD

We talk alot about how fears/scary things are in your head/in your thoughts or "your smarts" as we call them.  Sometimes your thoughts get jumbled around adn confused and you just have to tell them - "Smarts, calm down" and that seems to work - giving her something she can control and do really seems to be the key.

jlw2505

Both of my girls went through a phase where they were suddenly afraid of different things and it would change from one to anther and nothing lasted very long.  If your DH is traveling a lot, that could be all he needs to not feel as safe or as normal as always.  I would not blow off his fears but also not make a bit deal about it.  Talk him through the fear at his level and try to explain what each thing is.  Ask him waht about it makes him afraid.  Keep a light on in his room, in the bathroom, hall - whatever helps him.  We make sure our girls have their lovie with them (even if it comes in the car when going through things like this) and if needed, make sure they have a special stuffed animal to sleep with.  I have 2 stuffed animals (a small stuffed DH got me as a gift and a Vermont Teddy Bear I made years ago but still have out in my room) and my girls use both of these as comfort items at night when needed. 

LoveEeyore

fredalina:

LoveEeyore:

You know, as I read, I was thinking that it sounds like he's htting the threes.  My oldest was a breeze  until she hit  3.  Then it hit the fan.  It was fears, not sleeping, and huge OCD.  I was a minute from diagnosinf her with a personality disorder, but on a whim, picked up the following book and waited it out.  True to it's word, my darling eventually returned to me: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506492

You know, I read this book on your recommendation. Do you know what the main piece of advice was? Use daycare and babysitters as much as possible. LOL, that cracks me up! Sorry, OP, no advice but to just do your best to reassure him and help explain the fears. For example, LO was afraid her bath toys would go down the drain with the water, and possibly herself, so I showed her that they wouldn't fit down the hole. She had mentioned the fear a couple of times but hasn't since.

Oh I don't remember that- sorry!   What I remember is reading snippets aloud to DH- and saying "hey that's her, that's her- maybe she' okay!"  I tend to address things my own way once I know why they're happening, but I had no idea what hit us when she got in that phase.  That book was the one read I had that comforted me because that phase came out of nowhere and was intense.  I do recall the author's voice seemed simple and annoying, but I got through feeling much better.  It seemed to give an oversimpllified but still helpful understanding of development at this age.