Anyone else battle between being a good parent AND worker?

PeonyPumps

This pregnancy, I've been getting migraines to the point where I have trouble with my vision and can't function.  I called off today because I was up all night unable to sleep because my head was aching.

My first thought was that I needed to push through and go to work after sleeping for about an hour because I need to save my vacation to cover more of my maternity leave.  My second thought was that I needed to not push through and rest for the baby I'm carrying.  In the end, my husband won out by badgering me until I called in so I could stay home and sleep (here's where I thank goodness for having a toddler that loves to sleep).

However, now I'm feeling guilty because I didn't even think about my clients or my work, just my family.  I didn't even think of work for one second.  I really like my jobs, but it is just so different now.  

Anyone else? 

Mrs.adambabycakes

Don't feel guilty, you're doing the right thing by you and your baby. Migraines suck. I get them bad with auras, and they completely drain me. You need to rest up!

emriley84

I work nights, so after a full day with my toddler, going to work at 7pm until 730am is just not fun. I try to nap when (if) he does, and I'm temped to lay around all day and rest, but I never do because I feel like DS deserves a better mommy than that. So work suffers royally. By midnight I'm a zombie. Then I feel guilty sending DS to daycare the next day so I can sleep after being up for 24 straight hours... why??

saraboston

Yup, not only do I worry about my patients not being seen when I have to call out, I also have to worry about my manager being pissed. DD is almost 2 and every.single.time. I've had to call out I end up in her office being told that I'm not a team player and how her kid is sick today too but he's with some crazy neighbor because *she's* a dedicated employee, and why didn't my H take the day off instead.

Anyway, in your situation, how much good would you have been to your clients and coworkers with a migraine anyway. You did the right thing.

PeonyPumps

saraboston:

Yup, not only do I worry about my patients not being seen when I have to call out, I also have to worry about my manager being pissed. DD is almost 2 and every.single.time. I've had to call out I end up in her office being told that I'm not a team player and how her kid is sick today too but he's with some crazy neighbor because *she's* a dedicated employee, and why didn't my H take the day off instead.

Anyway, in your situation, how much good would you have been to your clients and coworkers with a migraine anyway. You did the right thing.

That's part of my problem.  I've been on 'warning' for attendance once already this year.  My boss has generally been good about it, but I've also gotten the "Has your husband taken off as well?" thing with it.  I always say yes, but at the same time it makes me wonder why my boss thinks my two day a week job (when I have two other jobs) is more important than my husband's full time job that sustains our lives.  I'd much rather take the attendance hit than him, because his job pays most of our bills. 

Abinormal

I'm a teacher and it's incredibly difficult balancing the demands of my job and still giving my family what they need. My students learn in my classroom and I definitely feel like I'm a good teacher, but I don't always feel like I'm as dedicated as my fellow teachers. They'll be at school till 6 or 7 PM almost every night, even some of the teachers who also have small children. I just don't understand how they can sacrifice that time with their children. I'm typically walking out of the building at 4 PM. I have to pick DD up at daycare by 5 and I'd rather spend some time with her in the evening and then do some work at home (if necessary) once she's in bed for the night. I also find that if I don't carve out an hour or so of time for myself, at least once a day, then I'm not nice to anyone; students, child or husband. I do get frustrated that I can't be 100% for everyone all the time, but it's just not possible, so I do my best to be my best in whatever I'm doing at that moment.

Bateaulover

IF your husband's job pays the bills, then screw what they think. You are doing the best that you can. Being pregnant is a special time, and you are not going to be 100% day after day. Its ok! You're pregnant. They are likely not going to fire you. So just suck it up in those "attendance meetings", tell bossman what he wants to hear, and keep on rockin and rollin lady!

Bateaulover

Abinormal:

I'm a teacher and it's incredibly difficult balancing the demands of my job and still giving my family what they need. My students learn in my classroom and I definitely feel like I'm a good teacher, but I don't always feel like I'm as dedicated as my fellow teachers. They'll be at school till 6 or 7 PM almost every night, even some of the teachers who also have small children. I just don't understand how they can sacrifice that time with their children. I'm typically walking out of the building at 4 PM. I have to pick DD up at daycare by 5 and I'd rather spend some time with her in the evening and then do some work at home (if necessary) once she's in bed for the night. I also find that if I don't carve out an hour or so of time for myself, at least once a day, then I'm not nice to anyone; students, child or husband. I do get frustrated that I can't be 100% for everyone all the time, but it's just not possible, so I do my best to be my best in whatever I'm doing at that moment.

OMG! My mom was a teacher and NEVER stayed late. I taught one year (no kids), and I didn't either. The folks who stay late are losers, in my humble opinion. Staying late does not equal "dedication" at all...they just want you to think that. They need to get a life and get out of that classroom. Truth be told, they may be hanging out at the school to keep from facing something unpleasant at home. I think you are doing the right thing! Years from now, your DD will know that you spent time with her after school. **Sorry if I sound Judgey, but tonight I'm on a roll. I hate the way a lot of teachers (not you) are such martyrs. You only get a certain salary per year, and if you work more hours, your hourly rate goes way down. ** and I'm out.

JoJoMama730

Well, things have certainly changed for me since G was born in terms of my dedication to my job.  What is a good balance for one person might not be for another.  I know plenty of other moms at my office that have no problem working late, whereas I am anxiously now counting the seconds when I can get the heck out of there and get home to my REAL life!  It's a balancing act, though, because I need the job to put food on the table and keep a roof over our head, so work still needs my devotion too.  I imagine that finding a balance at work would be much more difficult if I had a boss that didn't understand the backflips required to being a full time employee and mom.  Go ahead and feel a smidgen guilty about calling off work, but then remember that the world does not end if you stay home to take care of yourself.  Work will go on, your clients will be ok, and everything will be waiting for you on your next work day.  When you hopefully will be migraine free.   

 

racegrrl714

I'm definitely battling it right now. I'm usually out of here by 4:30 every night but here lately it's been more like 5, and last night it was 5:30. I HATED leaving DD at DC for an extra hour, so much so I was nearly in tears. I was fully expecting that she would be in meltdown mode by the time I got there. However, she was perfectly fine. It made me feel better, but even more guilty at the same time.

tracey4228

I am a good employee and a good parent. It's incredibly hard and I struggle to keep the balance every day. Some days (like Monday) I lean more to the employee side. Other days (like last Tuesday), being a good mommy gets more of my attention. I know DD is taken care of at daycare and is happy so I don't stress too much if I'm a little late - I give her some extra 'time-in' as a reward. But it's not just me - I know DH has the same balance struggle. It's the debate all working parents have (or should have).