Child with ODD

RandiDeeAnn

DD's pedi is looking at diagnosing her with ODD. Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I feel so guilty. After she was born I had severe PPD and have never truly bonded with her. Don't get me wrong. I adore her, but I wouldn't pick her as my friend. KWIM? I feel like my emotions toward her in dealing with her high needs/colic and PPD so bad it is almost like PTSD have fully damaged her and our relationship. The research says ODD may caused by many reasons, but many are things like abuse or neglect or a bad relationship with a parent. I feel like a terrible mom!

I've wanted to bond with her since before she was born, but just couldn't. I feel even worse because I have bonded with DD2. It's like I still have PPD from her and with her, but not with the new baby. It's so strange!

 I've said something was not right since she was just a few days old, but noone would listen to me. They just kept telling me she was just colicky and I was a first time mom. I'm excited to start counseling because I WANT to LIKE my child. Please tell me I'm not a terrible person.

Assembly_Reqd

Line up a second opinion. STAT.

Is a pediatrician qualified to make this kind of specialty diagnosis? I would think you need to see a Developmental Pediatrican or a Child Psychiatrist for a full evaluation.

You did nothing to cause this. It is not your fault, so stop that crazy talk right now!

RandiDeeAnn

He hasn't fully said, "Yes." That's what he wants us to check out. We are starting family counseling, though. Which regardless, I think is great because I want to connect with her.

RandiDeeAnn

-auntie-:

You're not a terrible person. I would say you're brave and honest to give voice to the fact that how happy you are being a mom is dependent, in part, on the other person in the relationship too.

In addition to your "family" counseling, your DD should be evaluated by someone who has only her best interests at heart. Until you have a handle on the whys to her behavior and needs, counseling is likely to be generic at best and a big-fat-fail at worst.

There are times when a mama and baby relationship isn't ideal. Any relationship is a function of the give and take between each party. On one hand some kids are just easier to like- engaging, rewarding and easy. But on the other, as a parent we have to sometimes parent the child we got rather than the one we fantasized about before meeting them.

Sometimes kids who are harder to parent have behavioral health issues that factor into this dance. Understanding how and where your child struggles could go a long way toward helping you accept this reality and nurture proactively.

What kind of evaluation should I be looking into? Who would give a second opinion? Can I get referrals for this stuff?

I have to say, that knowing I'm not JUST a bad mom and that there really are ways to connect with and function with her has helped some. Positive reinforcement yesterday was a big help. I know I should be doing it anyway, but I would think many kids don't need a high-five after every. single. good act. But it helped with her yesterday afternoon. If nothing else, it made her mind go somewhere in between activities before she could think to get in trouble again. Today is her first kinder-cheer class. I truly think that she also may be ADHD. So we are trying to help her into an activity to burn some energy and interact in a classroom setting with other individuals besides family.