Nanny question (again)--toy pick up

NicoleWI

After yesterday's big issue (spanking post) am now wondering about bringing up other things we've been letting slide. I'm working up to the big talk. 

Yesterday she was home only with her 2 yo and my 1.5 yo. DD was at grandma's for a special day. Is this normal, or not? 

Toys scattered all over the house. I.e. fridge magnets on bedroom floor, blocks out of box and in four rooms, wagon from living room in bedroom and filled with random stuffed animals, play set people all over the place. Toys that are "put away" are just thrown in the toy bins in no order--i.e. books in there, farm set is not together, bristle blocks not together, doll stuff just all over, etc. You get the picture. 

Kids nap for 2 hours. 

Seems to me this is ridiculous, but I want to be fair and see if it's just me.

KathrynMD

meh - I don't know. that's not something I would expect to be "discplined" about if I were a nanny. If its like that every day, then yes, I'd say something, but if its rare/occassional, I'd let it go. Also - are you expecting to talk to her about the spanking and then have her stay on?

1026pumpkin

I'm a little confused- was she at your house with her kid while your DD was gone?  If so, yes, that's weird and I would expect to come home to a house as clean as I left it.  If it's her house that's the mess, I don't know that I would say something.

As far as cleanup goes, I would expect to more/less come home to things in a similar condition as when I left.  If the kids were having a rough day or something, I could see letting slide here and there, but she should be making some effort to put away the things they're done playing with.

NicoleWI

My tentative plan (DH got home last night at 11:30 and we didn't have a chance to talk) is to 

1. bring up the spanking. "I have something I need to ask you about. DD said....... I know she isn't always 100% accurate so I wanted to hear your side."

and then

2. (negotiating the end date a bit/leaving it more loose) As you know, we're having the new baby in December and I'll be taking some time off, and then may be going back on a different schedule (or not at all!). I know that you need to have steady income, so we want to let you know that we will need to make a change. I think you probably already know this, although we haven't talked about it much. What were you thinking/what were your plans? 

and/or

2B. (setting firm end date) As you know, baby, time off, etc....we need to transition to someone who can do PT help with the new baby and we'd like to start that as of DATE. Wanted to let you know so that you can look for a new position. 

We KNOW she's on Care.com and we were kind of hoping she would find something herself soon and take this issue off our plate, but it doesn't seem to be happening. It's going to be a mess b/c her 2yo likes my kids and my daughter likes him a lot (not so sure that my son is a big fan). It's sucky but we have to get out of this no matter what, it's just a matter of timing.

CrazyToast

I would just suggest that the nanny has the kids pick up things before you come home, or before nap.  No matter what, it will still end up a mess - they're kids!

BeachBum73

I would definitely expect my nanny to have the toys picked up, though I probably wouldn't expect too much organization beyond that.  I organize my toy bins/baskets in certain ways but I don't think my husband would even know that so I wouldn't expect the nanny to do it.

DallasLonghorn97

hocus:

In general your house should be in the same condition or better than when you left. A nanny should make your life easier. So dishes from lunch shouldn't be in the sink and things should be tidy overall. If you child is actively playing with a toy that is one thing but overall most of the toys should be away and in the correct places. I'm not too picky about sets being back together but if it bothers you I'd say something.

Now of course there are bad days and so if this isn't a common occurrence I wouldn't say anything. I've certainly had every toy out on bad days with my kids.

 

This. I actually have said this exactly to every nanny we have. If I make a mess at lunch (I WFH), I do not expect nanny to clean up after me, although I TOTALLY appreciate when they do. Like this poster said, nanny should make your life easier, not hard. I will say I've had to let go of toys always going back in their right spot :-)

Temp123197812503460

I expect the nanny to have everything but the toys in really great shape/picked up/cleaned. The toys i dont care about because we only have one room with toys (the living room) and i know it's impossible to pick them up while the kids are there (they just pull them back out again since they are only one). With older kids i might expect a bit more order, but i think some toys around is reasonable.

MammaBear81

wife07mom09:

I'm just concerned you cant talk openly and honestly with your nanny. the spanking thing should have been dealt with immediately.

The toy thing, mentioned. Wouldn't your  boss speak to you if he or she had concerns about your work performance?

It really doesn't matter what is "fair." It matters what your expectations are since YOU are the employer.  All things like clean up and care etc is spelled out clearly in my contract. Not spanking is even in my contract as well as how and when to discipline my children. 

All of this.  To reference your above response about taking with her (I am beside myself that you haven't already) you can't wait until she find something else so you don't have to deal with the problem, you are an adult, HANDLE IT.  She has her own child (as you know) and most people will not hire someone who brings their own kid, so that could take a long time.  Don't tell her you are switching to PT care, she might offer to help you with that (don't assume she needs FT work, even if she has stated it in the past, PT work is better than no work), and now you have opened another can of worms.  Don't be mean, but state the facts,tell her the issues, give her an end date and move on.

snicksnack

CrazyToast:

I would just suggest that the nanny has the kids pick up things before you come home, or before nap.  No matter what, it will still end up a mess - they're kids!

This is so true. I have witnessed my daughter?s play habits. My kids are watched at home and I have had the toy discussion and to be honest I have been there, seen the toys picked up and put away in order the way I left the house while she napped and once again trashed by the time I would be home.  I have come to the conclusion that I have to set aside time once a week to organize toys knowing full well they will not stay that way.  Especially now that DD is starting to put her toys away on her own. Unless you have her tell your children to stop playing an hour before you get home and do something else I don?t see how the house will be perfect the way you left it.  One thing we have been doing with DD is trying to teach her to play with one or two things at a time and put those back before getting into something else.  She is 2.5 so it is going but not great LOL.