The word "strong"

butterfly2119 · October 2012

I don't know about any of you but I'm really getting sick and tired hearing from everyone How strong I am and they don't know what they would do if it happened to them. I tell everyone I'm not really strong I'm just dealing with my crappy circumstances. I'm starting to find the word "strong" kind of offensive. Maybe it's just me I don't know.

jbranden12 · October 2012

You know, I don't get offended because I know people mean it in a good way, but it's not my favorite. Sometimes it makes me feel like people think I should be doing worse, and I feel a little judged. But I know that lying in bed crying all day would not mean I loved my daughter more. If people think being strong means getting up every day, taking a shower, and going to work, then they would say I'm being strong. People don't know what they can handle until it happens to them.

ETA: There is a post about this today on Still Standing: https://stillstandingmag.com/2012/10/you-just-dont-know-until-youve-been-there/

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · October 2012

It's amazing how many words I hate anymore and "strong" is one of them. People tell me all the time how "strong" I am. I don't feel like I am - life simply goes on and I have to deal with it the best I can. That's not being strong. It rubs me the wrong way.

butterfly2119 · October 2012

Yeah I just don't like it either. I'm just trudging along the best I can.

buggirl72 · October 2012

My husband is the only one who has used the word "strong" with me - but I have been pretty isolated since Zachary was born. I think if anyone else said it, it would annoy me.

JonesBaby0624 · October 2012

I get tired of hearing it too!! I think people say we are "strong" because they can only see the outside. So, if we are getting out of bed, making ourselves presentable, and going to work or through our day, they think we are "strong". I can't speak for others, but for me it irritates me because I feel like they are drawing a line in the sand as where I should be, and I feel like I am falling short because I know that emotionally I am not there. I hope that made sense!!

ILoveRedVino · October 2012

It bothers me too. It makes me feel like I'm not grieving well enough or something, if that makes sense.

OSUWifey09 · October 2012

I'm glad someone gets it. I feel the same way. When people tell me I'm so strong and that they'd be curled up in bed, it makes me want to throw something. I want to be curled up in bed, but I have to keep living. Just because I'm not crying my eyes out in a dark room 24/7 doesn't mean that I'm not grieving.

Then, H actually told me the other day that I need to find some sort of closure, or I'll never get over it. Um, excuse me, but we lost our son. He seems to be dealing with it just fine and like he's moved on [which is a whole 'nother issue that I'm struggling with], but he expects me to be OK. Nope - not OK. I won't ever be the same again. That pissed me off.

starburst0928 · October 2012

I completely agree. I'm new in this journey, but I'm also sick of people telling me I'm too strong and it's okay to be weak. I cry my eyes out several times an hour, but apparently that's not weak enough.

When people have been telling me I'm strong, I just say I'm just trying to live in this new life I've been handed.

buggirl72 · October 2012

OSUWifey09:
Then, H actually told me the other day that I need to find some sort of closure, or I'll never get over it. Um, excuse me, but we lost our son. He seems to be dealing with it just fine and like he's moved on [which is a whole 'nother issue that I'm struggling with], but he expects me to be OK. Nope - not OK. I won't ever be the same again. That pissed me off.

{{hugs}} I am so sorry that your H is not being supportive. I really do not know what else to say.

pottermommy · October 2012

It pisses me off too, I am not strong I have no choice.

amber1031 · October 2012

After almost 5 years, I still hear it. Mostly from people who are new to the story of my son, Dylan. I've come to assume that it is just something that people say to fill in the awkward silence or that they think it's the best thing to say. Hearing it from certain people never bothered me, but I'll admit I sometimes found myself rolling me eyes or just shrugging. I appreciated the support, but nobody understood what I was going through. Except for my aunt, who lost her son in a car crash. She never once used the word strong to describe me. She honestly didn't say much, because she's been there. She knew when to say something and when not to. I give people who have not suffered the loss of their child the benefit of the doubt.

I met my DH about 5 months after the loss of Dylan & what irritated me more than anything was when people started to ask us when and if I was going to have another baby. I know it's a natural question, but it really hurt me sometimes. It made me feel bitter towards them because they just didn't get it. Take it day by day, it does become easier...believe it or not. I never thought I would be able to live a day without crying. Then, one day, it happened. And it's happened many times since then. I DO feel like I'm a stronger person now, but not because I don't cry or because I went through something tragic. I feel like the love that I have for my son changed me and made me strong.