Adjusting to parenthood?

jillianmb

I hope to adjusting to parenthood within the next two months (I just can't believe that!  Hoping it sinks in after our court date)... so for those of you who have made this transition either through bio kids, adoption, or fostering- what's it like?

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? 

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) 

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?? 

DaisyZH

jillianmb:

I hope to adjusting to parenthood within the next two months (I just can't believe that!  Hoping it sinks in after our court date)... so for those of you who have made this transition either through bio kids, adoption, or fostering- what's it like?

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? I never really realized that I wouldn't be able to plan basic things like when I went to bed, when I showered, when I got up in the morning, etc.  I'm not sure why this surprised me lol, but it did.  Once your DS in on more of a schedule and has a bedtime you'll be able to get these elements together again though.

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) That is so funny I totally agree with your mom, sometimes I feel like I'll never be full because I am always feeding DS or he wants to eat my meal too.  I don't feel angry or upset though, just hungry lol.  Sometimes I want to cry when it takes me ages to get something done - like pack a diaper bag, do a chore, just get out the door. 

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? I didn't do freezer meals or clean, but once DS came I got the cleaning bug majorly - all of a sudden I saw so much that needed to be cleaned and organized.  My recommendation would be to de-clutter as much as possible before your DS comes home, that way you'll have less to keep clean once he's here. 

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep??  Surprisingly pretty easily - I guesss you just get used to it.  It's been 15 months and I am still up once a night with DS, when he sleeps through the night I still get up to check on him.  It's really not as bad as I thought it would be, although the bags under my eyes are now permanent lol whereas they used to dissapear after a good night's sleep.

CaptainSerious

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? 

How difficult it was to parent a child who spoke a different language, which I was far from fluent in.  I kept believing that children learn languages quickly, but it wasn't nearly quickly enough for me.  Trying to comfort a grieving child in a foreign language left me feeling inept.

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) 

Not really.  For us, everything was a whirlwind with M.  He was only home two weeks before his surgery, then started school a month later, and I returned to work part-time for the next four months (before going full-time again).  I always felt rushed, at home and at work, but I was okay with it.

This time, I took 6 months off, and it was great.  Now that I'm back at work, things are fine (although I'll be so happy when M's football practices are over!)  I'm starting to think about quitting work next summer so I can be more flexible with them, though, and that's got me somewhat crazy.  We'll see if that happens/how the transition goes.

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

We always have a lot of food in the freezer (precooked), and we made sure things were stocked.  We prepared M's room and semi-childproofed the house.  We purged a lot of stuff and did repairs, but didn't really bother with a deep cleaning.  THAT we did before the homestudy.  ;-)

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?? 

The first few months were fine.  Our sleepless nights happened after we were home for a while and M was adjusting to our family and acting out.  His tantrums were always at bedtime or just after, and frequently kept us up to 2 am.  I was working by then, so I made the best of the sleep I did get.  I'd fall asleep the minute my head hit the pillow.

What surprised me was that even when I got plenty of sleep, I would get so exhausted by evening.  It's like the heightened emotions that we were always dealing with, plus the difficulty of trying to communicate in another language, just wore me out by the end of the day.  I would go to bed right after M each day, and on the weekends, I would sleep in while my husband would get up with M.  It took me a while before I was able to return to a more normal sleep schedule, and I really don't think I did until after things started to settle down emotionally for us all.

rlyttle

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you?  How much work it really was!! 

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  )   I don't think I am ever angry, but I do miss some freedom that I once had. I'm starting to go out for girls nights and trips again so I am gaining some of that freedom back after two years!

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations?  I did freeze meals. Soups, chili, pulled pork, casseroles

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep??  just plow through it. DS started STTN at 7 weeks and he's a great sleeper. I love that!!

 

My advice would be to sleep train early. We did it at 6 months. We let DS CIO. After that we wouldn't go in his room if he woke up at night. It has really worked for us. He is great falling asleep anywhere & putting himself back to sleep if he wakes up. GL! 

Rachel Sonnier

The absolute best advice that anyone ever gave me was...IT WON'T LAST LONG!

Before you know it, your little man will be so independent, it will probably make you wish he still needed you so much. Something I learned on my own, was that I can choose to be happy, patient, see the bright side, or the light at the end of the tunnel. 

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? 

Lack of sleep was def hard. LO had tons of GI issues and food allergies, so he (A) didn't sleep well and cried a lot, AND (B) ate every 1-1.5 hours for the first few months. Not very fun. I felt like a zombie, but you adjust and it gets easier, and eventually they all SSTN.

I would say that not being able to come and go without getting 100 things ready before hand was a close second. Sometimes I was literally sweating by the time we got into the car! That also gets easier. All a toddler needs for an outing are usually a few pull ups, some wipes, a cup and snacks. Now Cohen can crawl into his seat and put his arms through. All I have to do is buckle him in.

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) 

I think a lot moms feel that way at one time or another. It seems like whatever stage you are in will never pass, but it does. Kids are constantly growing and changing. You figure out a schedule that works and like I said earlier, before you know it, he will be feeding himself (he may already be), or whatever you are concerned with at the time. We used to feed Cohen before dinner, and let him play while we had ours. Now that he feeds himself we all have dinner together. We even go to movies and restaurants now!

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

Do what you can when you can, and just accept that when he is all grown up, you will have tons of time to do those things. Carriers and having a "moms little helper" are great. My best advice is don't be afraid to ask for/let people help you out in those areas. If your mom/MIL/BFF/DH offers to cook/clean while you are in transition, let them! You can clean all you like before LO arrives, and your house will be dirty again, very soon. Been there, done that. Especially if you are having visitors who are coming over to meet your little guy. My H takes Cohen outside to do garden work with him in the afternoons while I cook. Its great bonding time for them, and while I am not a huge fan of cooking, the 45 mins of peace and time alone are really nice :-)

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?? 

Barely. LOL That was a tough adjustment for me at first, but your body learns to compensate...or you just don't feel as awful eventually. Cohen is 3 and just started SSTN regularly. So I probably hadn't SSTN either in about 3 years. Nap when he naps, if you can. Take turns having night time duty if possible.

But again. It goes by so fast, so just try to live in the moment and enjoy being a mamma. Especially at 3:00 AM when its really hard. When Cohen sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night, and snuggles his little head in my arm and says "night, night mom. I wuv you," it makes being awake totally worth it. There are no words for that feeling! He will bring you so much joy, Jillian. I would just try to consciously know that the rough patches will pass as he grows (and will probably be replaced by different rough patches). Just try to not sweat the small stuff, and enjoy him as much as possible!

AwBeth

1.  The most surprising part, I guess, is how all encompassing it is.  We all "know" that beforehand, but It. Really. IS!  Your life is no longer your own.  I don't mean that dramatically, but what you think about, how you spend your time, how you eat meals, the way you spend money, etc -- it all changes.  It's wonderful and it's crazy and its your new life.  

2.  I didn't feel angry or upset, but there are just daily (hourly?) reminders of sacrifice (see above).  

3. I did do freezer meals and it was VERY helpful!  I actually just did a bunch more.  We're about to go on vacation, and it will be so nice to have meals ready to go when we get back and I don't feel like cooking.  

4. Honestly, the lack of sleep passes.  My first slept through the night at 7-8 weeks, but DD2 was a bit more stubborn and finally consistently slept through the night around 9 months.  It already seems like a lifetime ago.   I think just being honest with yourself about what you can handle in that sleep-deprived state is helpful.  Go ahead and go to bed super early or take a nap.  Skip mopping the kitchen floor and take a rest.  Get take out for dinner.  Basically, give yourself a break!  

Foster1Mom

1. The adjustment for one was really easy for us. We waited a long time and were are home bodies anyway. Now adding a second has been a big challenge for us. For me I have not connected with our second FS like the first. So, that for me is the hardest part.

2.  I do. not miss our old life.  We really feel we were meant to do what we are doing. We have been together a long time and I think that makes a difference in adjusting. 

3. If I was you I would do some freezer meals. That is soooo hard once we get the boys down and we think about dinner. Honestly it's the last thing on our mind and we are exhausted by the time we get to it.  I usually laugh when DH asks the "what's for dinner"

4. For sleep we decide before bed who is doing what. Now with two we each pick a boy and we handle that one for the night. When it was just one we would pick feedings or who gets up the first time he wakes up.  That is a huge help when it comes to two am and you just know who is in charge. You could even do ten pm to one am one is in charge and one am on the other is in charge.   

kmkaull2

jillianmb:

You must be so excited!  The weeks will fly by!

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? That the transition was so easy.  I think with adoption, we're just so ready, you know?  I remember taking the baby out and being so happy because finally, I was the one with the cute baby in Target.  Oh, but actually leaving the house was a big shocker.  It seriously does take forever to get out the door. 

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine:  Not really.  Sure, I would love to sleep in on the weekend, and there are times I just want my kid to go to bed.  But you just kind of adjust. 

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

Yes, I think I did clean a bit.  Had a lot of nervous energy in the 4 weeks we waited for TPR to be signed.  I am not good about preparing food in advance, but I think I had some soup frozen from Costco.  

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?? 

Again, I think you just adjust.  We sometimes take turns sleeping in on the weekend.  I loved those late night feedings with a newborn.  Really didn't bother me.  Coffee helps.  I became an addict.  

Dr.Loretta

1. How much of a homebody I became. I was afraid to leave the house for a while, and then for the first year I just had more fun hanging out at home.

2. There were moments, but I wouldn't say I was angry or upset. 3am feedings were brutal--my body just doesn't work well at that hour. Having to trade off feeding DD or eating dinner alone was yucky, but it didn't last *that* long. Having to share all of my food and silverware with a small human still irks me, but it's just how it goes.

3. Nope. We got The Call at 10am on a Thursday, left work at noon to go meet our daughter and her BM, then signed a ton of paperwork. Friday we brought her home. House wasn't clean, meals weren't prepared, we just winged it.

4. Sleep when they sleep. Really. You won't be able to all the time, because you'll think of the 474389982374 things you should be doing, but I've gotten better at taking naps when DD sleeps if I'm really worn out. I read a blog where the mom and dad each take an hour nap on a weekend day, for example, while the other one watches their kids. Sounds like a great plan to me.

ellekae

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? 

Ditto to PPs. It is SO much work. Newborns are different than the toddler you'll be bringing home, though. I imagine for you there will be a lot of tantrums and time outs at the beginning.

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine?

I think this depends on what kind of person you are. If you are a person who values personal space, privacy, and having time to yourself or with your spouse, then the new routine can be hard. I don't think I've ever cried about it, but I do sometimes get annoyed that I can't take a shower without DD in the tub with me (or yelling outside the tub that she wants to get in) or use the bathroom without DD watching me. It takes SO much patience... but it is easier to be patient with your kid than with anyone else.

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations?

Since DD is bio, people brought us freezer meals, and that was helpful. I baked a few loaves of sweet bread and some muffins too... because dinner isn't the only difficult meal. It was nice to have a breakfast that was ready-made too once in a while.

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?

Caffeine.

MarionB79

jillianmb:

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? 

 That it wasn't as hard as I expected it to be. I was prepared to be cranky because of lack of sleep, overwhelmed with motherhood, not knowing what to do. Well so far we are doing really good. DS is 11 weeks old and has been home for 8 weeks.

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) 

No. The only hard thing was that because he was a premie we stayed home until he was 2 months old and got his shots. That was what my pediatrician ordered. I did get cabin fever then. Now DS just goes everywhere with me. Don't get me wrong, life is VERY different, but I'm really doing just fine with it. There weren't many surprises, since we are pretty much the last ones among our friends to become parents.  

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

Nope. We didn't have any notice so there was not time for that. Considering you will bring a toddler home, I think that would really help you out though! It's different with an infant who sleeps a lot and not having gone through child birth (at least for me that made things easier). 

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?? 

I'm better than I expected to be. Getting up in the morning is hard, but once I'm up I do ok. I find it difficult to sleep when DS is sleeping though, because then I really don't get anything done around the house.

Hopefully your toddler will do well with sleeping within a short while.  

smithpaint

jillianmb:

I hope to adjusting to parenthood within the next two months (I just can't believe that!  Hoping it sinks in after our court date)... so for those of you who have made this transition either through bio kids, adoption, or fostering- what's it like?

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? Your life goes from thinking mainly of yourself and your husband to thinking mainly of your child.  Everything takes longer (especially at first) - like going to the store or just getting out the door and in the car.  It's a huge change on the way you spend your time. 

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  )  When I had my oldest daughter I had a few days where I might not have been overjoyed with things (mainly because I was sleep deprived).  Once we had some kind of routine it really helped with all of that.

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? We just made sure that our cupboards and refrigerator were full of things to make simpe meals.  Once the baby came I would run to the store once a week (DH stayed home with LO) which is a routine we've overall stuck to.

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep??  That is the worst!  Absolute worst.  But you'll do okay.  If your new LO takes a nap - really do try to rest during that time if you are not getting enough sleep at night.  Go to bed early and let your husband take care of your LO or maybe he'll let you sleep in and you let him go to bed early.  You'll figure it out, and hopefully he'll sleep okay for you quickly. 

Wishing you the best of luck! 

silliestbunny

We really embraced parenthood when it finally happened for us.. but it slowed us down tremendously.  Nothing we didn't expect or regret.... but we don't travel like we did, we don't go out like we did.... slow life style suits us great right now

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you?

I have not "slept in"  in 21 months.  Seriously... no sleeping in EVER.  The latest I've slept in 21 months is 7 am.  It's okay but I do crave a lazy Saturday morning  

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) 

 Nope. I think we, as an evovled society (I joke!!) talk more about changes than previous generations.  I get that life is different and that's okay.  No anger.  No upset feelings.

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

YES and YES.  I try to always have a few easy meals ready to go so that we can eat if we have an off day     You should deep clean now.. I haven't in 21 months

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep??  The human body and mind is amazing.  I hate not having sleep now... but in the throws of it, your body copes.  You are tired but you do things and survive in a way you never could have imagined.  As quickly as the no-sleeping super power comes, it'll leave you to make the occassional sleepless nights tough again. 

jillianmb

I loved reading all of these!  Thank you for your replies.  Taking the wisdom and putting it in my heart for when I'll need it.

vanceke08

1. What was the most surprising part of the transition for you? 

Honestly, how my body could run on so much less sleep. I have an autoimmune issue, as well as a thyroid problem, so 10 hrs. of sleep a night was standard before DD and DS arrived. I was scared and I didn't know if I could physically run on little to no sleep, but you just do. And it wasn't even THAT hard. (I say that now, when both are STTN. I may have had a different tone when they were NB!) 

2. Did you ever feel angry or upset at your new routine (ie: my mom said she used to cry because she felt like she would never be able to eat her dinner while it was still hot, ever again!  ) 

At times I get cabin fever. I don't feel like I can ever leave the house with both babies, because if something happens while I am out without daddy, I'm outnumbered. For the most part, we just do not go anywhere. But I am beginning to notice that maybe this is what's making DD freak out when strangers even LOOK at her. (literally, they walk up to see her at church, and she starts bawling) so I am thinking we need to find a play group pronto.

3. Did you do things like freeze meals or do a top-to-bottom clean before your LO came? Any recommendations? 

No. but with DS I had 2 days notice and DD I had 20 days notice that they were coming, so not a whole lot of time to prepare!  

4. How do you cope with the lack of sleep?? 

Everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps" but I can't. I cannot sleep unless: it is night, it is dark, or I am very, very sick. Never have been able to nap, so it was hard in the beginning when DS was up every 2 hours through the night, but like I said before, you just do. Your body and mind know it isn't about you anymore, and they just keep functioning for this tiny little person who needs you more than you need sleep. It's kind of amazing really. So excited for you, wishing you all the luck and blessings possible!