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****This has nothing to do with names.
This post has nothing to do with names, but I feel most comfortable on this board. I respect alot of your opinions, so if you have a moment tell me your thoughts please and thank you 
So heres a little rant. My MIL has decided that she is going to get married. No not just married, have a full fledged white gown, bridesmaids, 100 person wedding. This would not bother me so much if this weren't her THIRD white dress soiree, and this is her first (and maybe only) grandchild. The saddest part is that I have been with her son long enough to have attended her last white dress extravaganza!!
So, after I have announced that my due date is March 2, she announces that she is going to have her wedding the first of January. WOULD THAT NOT MEAN TO YOU THE VERY FIRST SATURDAY IN JANUARY???????? So my mother booked a baby shower for me at this place for January 26th. We get MIL's invite in the mail the next day saying her wedding is in fact January 26th! It is not a big deal to change the venue of my baby shower but it is the principle of it to me.
Now what my issue is when to have this baby shower? I obviously have to do it at least a month before the baby is born. I also don't want to make it too close to Christmas either! My mom and I had a quick joke to have the baby shower the Saturday before her wedding, or even the Sunday after her wedding (Jan. 27). Now that I am thinking about it, that IS pretty realistic.
I could realllllllyyyyy use some thoughts, ideas, and/or advice as to what to do in a circumstance like this. I am also very hurt that MIL is making this very important part of mine and DH's life about HER. Especially when she has had her time to shine, THREE TIMES!
EDIT: is a November baby shower too soon?
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Re: ****This has nothing to do with names.
I'm sorry that your MIL's wedding is the same day as your baby shower! As long as it is relatively easy for you to change your date, I would just do that, and move it to the previous weekend. You will have your day and a week later, she will have hers.
All the best to you! Good luck!
Since you seem to be really looking for opinions, mine is that you're being really ridiculous. So your MIL is getting married a month and a half before your baby is due. She deserves to be happy. And if that means a big wedding, she has the right (as long as she isn't asking you to foot the bill).
It's really early to have a date set for a baby shower, and like you said the shower plans can be changed. I'd just suggest doing it a couple of weekends before the wedding--no one minds if it's a little more than a month before the baby is due.
I obviously don't know the backstory with your MIL, but I think calling it a "white dress extravaganza" makes you sound pretty awful.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
BFP #2 - 3/2/13 * DS1 - BORN ON EDD - 11/13/13
BFP #3 - 11/7/14 * DS2 - BORN ON EDD - 07/21/15
I understand the confusion on your end...the first Saturday of January is not the 26th (If I am reading that correctly). Maybe she didn't have a date officially booked but was excited to tell ppl about her wedding?
The next Saturday is 2/2, could your host move the shower one week later? That would still be one month before your due date (though I am not sure why you are saying obviously you have to have your shower one month prior?)
Sorry your MIL is bugging you, but I would try not to get to judgy on the 3rd wedding thing-- to each his own, you know?
Good luck to you-- I hope everything works out!
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Exactly.
While I do think that three white weddings are redundant if nothing else, MIL is entitled to spend her money on as many as she pleases. Don't push that issue if you discuss the date conflict with her, because you won't win.
Subtracting that from the equation, it's an annoying misunderstanding at best. She told you one date for her event but then for whatever reason she decided upon another and didn't think to mention it to you. By all means have your shower the week before or the week after MIL' s event.
I'm sure its frustrating to you, but putting it in simple terms, I don't see the big deal.
If that's what you're thinking, then do that.
Personally, I wouldn't plan for a shower on a day after a wedding where a lot of the guests will be the same. If I was invited to both and for some reason had to choose one or the other, the chances are pretty good I'd go to the wedding and not the shower. Besides, after weddings I need a day of recovery. Too many shots.
BFP #2 - 3/2/13 * DS1 - BORN ON EDD - 11/13/13
BFP #3 - 11/7/14 * DS2 - BORN ON EDD - 07/21/15
I guess I am honestly not trying to be all judgey on the third wedding thing as much as I feel like she should have discussed all of this with me (just as I was about to with her). My problem is that I didn't want to have my baby shower that close to CHristmas....What would you all think about a November baby shower? too soon???
Why wouldn't you do it the week before or after MIL's wedding? I don't understand why you feel she needed to clear anything with you.
Keep calm and smile as you change the date of your baby shower. I think you're right that it might be convenient to have it on the 27th for out of town guests, but I would actually ask MIL if that is ok with her ? she may see is as a move to steal her thunder. And would she be able to attend the day after her wedding, or is she leaving for a honeymoon immediately after? If so, Jan. 19 or 20 would work just as well.
In any case, just choose to be the low-drama person in this situation.
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I have had my fair share of MIL drama, so I hear you on being frustrated with this. But the thing to remember is that certain things are never as important to other people as they are to you. You are living/breathing/existing all BABY right now. It's hard to think of anything else. It's exciting! But not for your MIL. She's in a great relationship right now and they're getting married! How wonderful. To her, THAT is the most important thing. Yes, she's excited for her first grandkid, but that's months and months away. Probably not even on her radar.
The other thing to remember is the point of a baby shower. They aren't required. It's nice that someone is throwing you one. But no one should expect one. I feel like if people choose not to attend your shower (let's face it, they are boring), you will blame your MIL when really, the people were probably grateful to have an out, haha. Maybe I'm pessimistic, but that's my stance! Your MIL is not thinking about a baby shower for you AT ALL which is totally normal.
My shower was 13 ladies, the day after my niece's bday party. I felt sorry for any guest who was invited to both. (Kids' parties are almost as bad to suffer through as showers.) I appreciated every second of it b/c I kept in mind the point of the shower and I knew not to expect one.
because she told me the first of January. My shower was booked for Jauary 26th and the very next day I get her invite in the mail saying her wedding is Jauary 26th. I AM low drama so I refuse to say anything, but my hostess just lost her $75 deposit for booking my shower on the 26th....
I agree with all of this. Have your shower the same day if you feel so strongly about it.
I think a late November shower will be too hectic with Thanksgiving. Some people might think early November *might* be too early. Part of the fun of going to a baby shower is seeing the guest of honor all big and pregnant, KWIM?
FWIW, I had my baby shower the second week of November, and my due date was 1/25/12 so I was about 30 weeks, and I almost thought that was too early.
Why not either do it the Saturday before the wedding or the Saturday after?
Edit: quote fail. I meant to quote the OP.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I hate to say it, but I agree with this. Trust me I understand drama. At my baby shower, people seemed more interested in the fact that my brother was cheating on his wife and in the process of moving out. We all knew because he called the whole family to give a heads up. Super awesome. BUT you just have to roll with it. Seriously. Have your baby shower another weekend, and be done with it. A baby shower isn't the worlds most awesome thing to attend. Sure you're excited about the shower and arrival of your baby and you should be, but....not everyone else. And my MIL wasn't excited until my DD was actually born. Before she was born, she didn't seem to care or want to talk about it. This is your first lesson that not everyone is going to be gaga over your kid.
This is my first time posting a reply over here, but I just wanted to chime in.
At first, I thought that the shower your MOTHER is throwing had nothing to do with your MIL's wedding, however, I'm now assuming that your MIL isn't throwing you her own shower, and that you are in fact only getting one shower, a combined shower with both your family and your inlaws family? Is that correct?
If that's the case, then yes, I would be annoyed because asking out of town family to come in for two different events within a week or even two is asking a lot.
Is there any way you can ask your MIL to throw a separate shower for just that side of the family? I would typically think it would be pretty tacky to ask your MIL to throw you a shower, but now that it sounds like it's not going to work out for her side because of her wedding date, she might think about hosting her own shower.
Even though I think your MIL is silly to have a big shindig for this 3rd trip down the aisle, a baby shower is easier to move than a wedding. It sucks that she did this, but if I'm reading correctly, she didn't yet realize that the shower date had been picked.
I would ask your mom to move the shower earlier in January or even late in November. I think if you stick to the end of November, it won't be too early.
If worse comes to worst, there's nothing wrong with having the shower on the same weekend as MIL's wedding, assuming you want to deal with it. She probably won't be able to attend, but you can just politely remind her that the date was chosen because she said her wedding would be in early January, and it was SHE who then changed her date.
Um, why? I'm assuming you're a FTM. There's a very good chance you will go past your due date. You could schedule your shower for the first or second week of February and there would be only a tiny chance you would go into labor before then. Most likely you'll still be twiddling your thumbs on your super-pregnant belly a month later. Trust me, I've been there.
Will your mom lose the deposit if she reschedules the same venue on a different day?
Your MIL seems to have problems expressing time in the English language, which is annoying, but this seems like a problem with an easy fix.
Yes, all this. Her wedding is a bigger deal than your baby shower. I'm not saying that it's a bigger deal than your baby, but baby shower =/= baby. And I think it's generally an important thing to remember....having a baby is a really big deal and everyone close to you is surely excited about it, but it's not a reason to assume you should be center of attention.
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I would move your shower to the week prior to her wedding. And I think it's completely embarassing to have more than one big wedding in your life, unless you are a widow. The words 'to death do us part' become less meaningful after you already didn't mean it once, and it's inappropriate to have a big gift giving occasion for something that you've already gotten gifts for once.
I would make an exception to this opinion on second/third/etc weddings in the case where this is the first marriage for the groom, but even then, I would agree to wear the white dress and walk down the aisle, but would not invite 'my side' the same way that you do for your first wedding.
All this being said, although I think the big wedding for a third marriage is inappropriate, I don't feel like it has anything to do with your baby/baby-shower. I wouldn't expect her to plan her wedding around your baby or shower, and would have no problem with her getting married shortly before the baby was born if she were doing it in a less ostentacious way.
Edited to add: Having it the day after the wedding might not be a bad idea if you were hoping that out of town guests would attend. I've rarely been to showers where guests came in from out of town - typically out of towners decline the invite or send a gift at best. So, I think your best date in terms of attendance would be the day after the wedding, but I agree, despite her tackiness with the big third wedding, you would have to be the bigger person and ask her permission to have your shower the day after her wedding.