Confessions here.

swingerjane

Any juicy confessions you want to share? 

I made out and gave my H's coworker a blowjob at a recent bbq at our house.  Yeah he's vanilla and we are lifestyle.  H had to come out to him because he was acting weird toward H and the office is tiny (only 8 people). 

#alcoholmakesmeoutofcontrolslutty

littlebitta

Oh, so he didn't know you were in the lifestyle beforehand? Did you H know beforehand? Does he have to?

recoveringbigot

I don't have any.

Dh is so vanilla, I think he'd die if he knew the kinds of things I'd be up for. 

hoforsho

I've only ever had sex with DH and sometimes that makes me contemplate an affair.

littlebitta

recoveringbigot:

I don't have any.

Dh is so vanilla, I think he'd die if he knew the kinds of things I'd be up for. 

I watch extremely non vanilla stuff online. My H and I don't watch together because he's so tame compared to me. But I don't want to really try them.

AwesomeAE

No actual sex confessions because I'm as vanilla as they come.

My confession is that H has a friend he's close with and I think I like him more than I should. No, we would never swing, it's not our cup of tea. They don't live very close to us but we hang out a few times a year. He is married too and has kids, but he makes it pretty obvious he is very unhappy in his marriage and we can sense that he is staying mostly for the kids. Part of me wonders if he divorces, will my feelings for him increase? I hope not. For now though, I can control myself and I don't find myself wanting to throw myself at him because H and I are happy. But I would without a doubt have boned him if I met him before dating H. The awkward thing is that I have nagging suspicions he has feelings for me too. Forbidden fruit...{sigh}.

recoveringbigot

littlebitta:

recoveringbigot:

I don't have any.

Dh is so vanilla, I think he'd die if he knew the kinds of things I'd be up for. 

I watch extremely non vanilla stuff online. My H and I don't watch together because he's so tame compared to me. But I don't want to really try them.

I also watch wild stuff online. But there are some things I'd try that DH would never even think about. Nothing so wild as a gangbang or anything, lol, but definitely swinging, and some toys.

swingerjane

littlebitta:

Oh, so he didn't know you were in the lifestyle beforehand? Did you H know beforehand? Does he have to?

Coworker had no idea, but I basically told him his advances were okay since we define marriage a little differently than most.

H knew I was attracted and he knew I snuck off with him...in fact H walked in on his and was like 'don't be up here too long, others may start to wonder'.  H doesn't have to know, but I have to stay within boundaries.  In this case since it was his coworker and guy was vanilla so guy had to keep hands over my clothes, not make me orgasm and not have sex.  I could give him hand/oral and kiss.

IHaveSoMuch2Say

I don't understand putting random men's dycks in your mouth. 

IHaveSoMuch2Say

Or, rather, how is it good for me if I can't be touched or orgasm? 

AEAEAE101

First confession is not having the new button here sucks.

Waiting for more posters and such to confess the 2nd.

swingerjane

IHaveSoMuch2Say:

I don't understand putting random men's dycks in your mouth. 

Then lifestyle may not be for you...it's a fairly common occurance.

And I enjoy giving a BJ almost as much as I do receiving anything.  It's completely hot to talk about 'what if' while banging my H later.  Plus vanilla coworker got a ton of pleasure out of it and that's a huge turn on for me.

recoveringbigot

hoforsho:

I've only ever had sex with DH and sometimes that makes me contemplate an affair.

I've contemplated it a few times. I love my husband to distraction, and would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage, but sometimes I feel like I want something more in the sex department, and don't know how to bring that up with him.

marlarky

I constantly fantasize about a couple of my co-workers. Last night it was during sex with H.....

bushnot

i think SO had an affair that has now ended.  i'm not sure what to make of it. SO is measurably better in bed now, more adventurous and more assertive. it has improved our marriage. part of me wonders if it wasn't an affair, but was something they paid for. it's that noticeable.

marlarky

Also, I'm reasonably sure that my H either has or will have an affair during our marriage. I just don't believe that he's capable of long term monogamy. He's not a bad person but he's extremely sexual. As long as it was only sex and not emotional, I would forgive him. 

I have actually considered swinging to avoid that situation, but I'm not sure I could handle actually watching him do it.  

bushnot

marlarky:

Also, I'm reasonably sure that my H either has or will have an affair during our marriage. I just don't believe that he's capable of long term monogamy. He's not a bad person but he's extremely sexual. As long as it was only sex and not emotional, I would forgive him. 

I have actually considered swinging to avoid that situation, but I'm not sure I could handle actually watching him do it.  

i don't think you have to watch if your a swinger. i wouldn't want to watch either. 

AnnieEricson

AEAEAE101:

First confession is not having the new button here sucks.

Right!? This format sucks more than I remember. 

hoforsho

bushnot:

i think SO had an affair that has now ended.  i'm not sure what to make of it. SO is measurably better in bed now, more adventurous and more assertive. it has improved our marriage. part of me wonders if it wasn't an affair, but was something they paid for. it's that noticeable.

you think he paid for sex lessons or a hooker? im confused here

bushnot

hoforsho:

bushnot:

i think SO had an affair that has now ended.  i'm not sure what to make of it. SO is measurably better in bed now, more adventurous and more assertive. it has improved our marriage. part of me wonders if it wasn't an affair, but was something they paid for. it's that noticeable.

you think he paid for sex lessons or a hooker? im confused here

i don't know what he did. and i don't care. whatever it was made the sex better.  

AnnieEricson

Not really juicy at all, but my confession: 

I am bummed because H and I have been ttc for four months and it hasn't happened yet. I know that this complaint is taboo and gets no sympathy because clearly I am not at an IF point at all. I know that four months is really not very long wrt ttc. I'm just whiny because my other pregnancy happened the first month we tried.

/end whine 

scarylala

The BF that I was head-over-heels for before DH lives right around the corner from us.  I often fantasize about walking over there to his house.  I stay far away, though, because I know it would be trouble if I go near him. 

Oregongirl981

I think swingers are really insecure and sad.

I think giving your H's coworker a bl-wjob when the office is that small is a sh!tty thing to do to your husband's career and makes you a slut with no self-control whatsoever.

 

PlainJaneAE

I want more sex, but I don't want to initiate all the time. I turned H down once years ago, before we got hitched. I had just gotten home on a red eye and I was whipped. He hasn't initiated since. It makes me frustrated and I feel bad about it still.

AEAEAE101

AnnieEricson:

Not really juicy at all, but my confession: 

I am bummed because H and I have been ttc for four months and it hasn't happened yet. I know that this complaint is taboo and gets no sympathy because clearly I am not at an IF point at all. I know that four months is really not very long wrt ttc. I'm just whiny because my other pregnancy happened the first month we tried.

/end whine 

 I hate when this is flamed on the boards.  4 months is a long time when you are ttc.  Good luck to you, I hope it happens quickly.

swingerjane

Oregongirl981:

I think swingers are really insecure and sad.

I think giving your H's coworker a bl-wjob when the office is that small is a sh!tty thing to do to your husband's career and makes you a slut with no self-control whatsoever.

 

And I think many vanillas have incredibly unfulfilling and boring sex lives.  And also very poor communication when it comes to sex.

I would agree there are some insecure swingers just like with any other group of people.  My H and I are not one of them.

I am a slut, but I don't see that as a negative thing (sounds like you do).  Pretty much all swingers are sluts...how can they not be?

My H would have told me off limits if he thought it was an issue for his career and I would have respected that boundary.  I didn't have that boundary.  I am lucky it worked out okay because it could have turned out poorly.  H and I have talked since about new boundaries when confronted with situations where vanillas are involved.

Oregongirl981

Nothing says "good communication" like talking to your H with his coworker's d!ck in your mouth.  Yes, you're insecure. 

IHaveSoMuch2Say

Why get married if you want to fyck other people all the time? 

littlebitta

Monogamous here, but I think judgy people are insecure and ridiculous. MH and I have talked about it several times merely in the abstract. I like that we can talk about subjects that are "taboo" without anyone getting upset. A lifetime of marriage is a long time, and if a little stepping out that you both know about is what you need to live a fulfilling life, more power to you. What do I care who people are intimate with?

marlarky

I'm not a fan of being labeled a "vanilla" just because I'm not a swinger. 

 

littlebitta

marlarky:

I'm not a fan of being labeled a "vanilla" just because I'm not a swinger. 

 

You don't have to be. If you have BDSM or other activities you engage in, you're not vanilla either.

swingerjane

Oregongirl981:

Nothing says "good communication" like talking to your H with his coworker's d!ck in your mouth.  Yes, you're insecure. 

I seriously can't see your viewpoint on this.  I understand if you can't fathom how sex with others = okay and that in order to do that in a committed relationship it takes a high level of good communication.  But I don't see how that at all relates to being insecure or lacking confidence?  Confidence in myself or in my relationship with my H?

I didn't do it because I needed attention or was insecure.  My thought process - he's hot, I want to bone him, he's flirting with me, so my answer is yes.  It's just sex.  

AwesomeAE

I don't mind being called vanilla because vanilla is delicious.

Oregongirl981

Both.  All.  I can't see why you'd think it was OK to put a random d(ck in your mouth.  Especially with all those rules you have to follow, it just seems like you like being debased, and that's says WAY INSECURE to me. And maybe abused in the past or something.

 

swingerjane

IHaveSoMuch2Say:

Why get married if you want to fyck other people all the time? 

Because I don't think humans are meant to be in sexually monogamous relationships, but I also think it takes way too much energy to have more than one relationship.  So by being married I get the fulfillment of having a committed loving relationship, but by being a swinger I get to enjoy sex with more than one person.

H and I knew we would be in the lifestyle eventually before we were married.

And vanilla is a broad term - I tend to think of it as those people who would never and cannot fathom being adventurous when it comes to sex.  How you define adventure is really specific to your relationship though.  I think there many people really aren't all that vanilla.

swingerjane

Oregongirl981:

Both.  All.  I can't see why you'd think it was OK to put a random d(ck in your mouth.  Especially with all those rules you have to follow, it just seems like you like being debased, and that's says WAY INSECURE to me. And maybe abused in the past or something.

 

What I enjoy in bed depends on the guy.  Sometimes I like being totally submissive and other times completely dominant.  Both are a turn on.  That isn't being insecure.

And I wasn't abused, I think you and I just see sex differently.

LucyHoneychrrch

I think Oregongirl is sort of a prude, but I'm loling at all the "vanilla" disdain in this thread.

 

recoveringbigot

marlarky:

I'm not a fan of being labeled a "vanilla" just because I'm not a swinger. 

 

 When I use vanilla, I don't mean "not a swinger". I mean that my DH doesn't try anything other than the same thing we've always done. I think of vanilla as someone that is a 2 position only kind of person that doesn't even consider trying anything else.

NuggetBrain

Oregongirl981:

Both.  All.  I can't see why you'd think it was OK to put a random d(ck in your mouth.  Especially with all those rules you have to follow, it just seems like you like being debased, and that's says WAY INSECURE to me. And maybe abused in the past or something.

 

 

WTMF? 

AnnieEricson

Why isn't this swinging debate going on IN MY SWINGING THREAD!?

As a non-swinger who is intrigued by the idea, I'd say that I have a more general perception that a swinger is the opposite of insecure. You would have to be extremely open with your partner, and secure in your relationship, to be able to have the trust to open your marriage in that way. *shrug*

And to the poster who asked why you would get married if you wanted to sleep around. I married my husband because I love him, and I never want to have another relationship with any other man. He is amazing. We love each other deeply. But sex is fun. And having sex with new people is fun. So swinging sounds, yup you guessed it, fun.

But as I said in my other thread, I don't know if it's something we could actually go through with. Neither of us are sure we would be able to not be jealous. 

lyssbobiss

Marriage isn't all about sex.  Some people are okay with sharing their partner.  I don't see how that makes anyone insecure.  They are just secure in a different way.  Not everyone's marriage has to look like yours, Oregonwhatever.