41 Weeks Pregnant
Breastfeeding Conflict
I was raped when I was a child. I am very uncomfortable with my breasts to this day. My husband is not even 'allowed' to really play with them spontaneously because I get very upset when he does. I am pregnant and really do not want to breastfeed. I am so uncomfortable with it. I know that 'breast is best' but I also really believe that formula is good enough and I will not be doing an injustice to my child. What would you guys do?
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Re: Breastfeeding Conflict
First of all, I am so incredibly sorry. That is horrible.
Second, no, I would not breastfeed. Sure, "breast is best," but your health and well being are important, and there are millions of healthy formula-fed babies the world over. If it really bothers you and you want to breastfeed, maybe you should look into therapy, but if not, then don't give it another thought. Formula-feed your baby with pride. Your baby needs a happy and healthy mother more than breastmilk.
I agree that isn't anything wrong with FFing at all. Is it just a matter of feeling guilty for not wanting to do it or thinking what others will say?
I just did a quick google search and found this: https://www.pandys.org/articles/breastfeeding.html
I'd say both, I feel guilty for not doing it when I see how much it is praised on GBCN and such. I've also already been asked by co workers what I am going to be doing. I have been thinking of using the medication excuse, but I'm not sure. The breastfeeding rates for my hospital are very high--80%. I am very worried about getting pressure from my ob and hospital and don't really want to explain. They will know I am not on medication.
Can you talk about your experience in very broad terms with your OB? He or she will have heard this before, I guarantee. They may be able to recommend a therapist (have you dealt with this in therapy?), and will respect your wishes. If they don't, they are NOT a good doctor.
It is no one's business what you do, and they are in no way entitled to information about it. I know it's easier said than done, but please don't feel the need to justify yourself. You can tell other people you have a supply problem if you like. That should stop questions.
I am so sorry you experienced that. ((Hugs))
I'm a Huge BFing proponet but what matters most is baby having a healthy and happy Mom.
if BFing will bring up bad memories that will hurt way more than help baby so FF and don't worry about it. Baby will be fine and so will you.
If you're worried about people's reactions/judgment remember that it's none of their business how baby is fed. You are doing what's best for your family and fhat's all that matters.
ETA: my OB only asked b/c of my thyroid med so I doubt it'll come up.
if it does either give him a general idea, or just reiterate that you've researched and decided that BFing isn't right for you. Which is what I'd say to nurses if it comes up.
I'm so sorry for your experience.
I don't think there is anything wrong with FFing. But to throw out a different viewpoint, BFing might be a way to 'reclaim' your breasts. It's a very powerful thing to BF. Perhaps you can work with a LC to give it a try and then if it doesn't feel right, just don't do it.
Tell your coriander you have supply issues, or a bad latch or med issues if you have to. I simply told my boss I had personal reasons for not needing pumping time, and that was that. If you aret comfortable telling your OB why you won't BF, then just request formula and just repeat it. However, if your OB does know, they could easily put a not in your chart that you'll be FF and not to encourage BF.
My general tendency is that your OB and nurses should know you are a rape survivor. They will be able to tailor how they work with you a lot better since they deal with so much of your body. You will not have to go into detail. Maybe they will also have solutions for how to deal with those BFing pressures and how to answer nosey people's questions.
I think you need to make a decision about whether you want to try to work through your issues prior to baby being born.
If you do, you need to follow the PP's advice, seek out a referral from your OB and start working really hard.
If you don't, it's perfectly OK to FF, and it's perfectly OK to start arming yourself with the words "** off, it's food".
But, IMHO, it's better for you to go down the "working on it" route. Having a baby and a child is incredibly physical. Even if you aren't breastfeeding, there's a huge invasion of physical space that occurrs pretty much all the time. You'd be well served working through as many issues as you can prior to baby's birth.
Couple more things.
1) childbirth tends to bring up the trauma for sexual trauma survivors so it would probably be a good idea to talk to a therapist as you prepare for baby and after delivery.
2) not that you need to but as another option how would you feel about pumping? Not at all necessary but if you are comfortable with it it could be an option. F only in the hospital. Just say you will be working and need baby to take a bottle so you're going to pump. Done. Again not necessary but another choice out there for you.
Hope it is ok to reply with a non-ae. As a big proponent of BFing, I really do get that sexual trauma is a 100% legit reason why people dont BF. I dont mean to say that simply not wanting to do it isnt legit, just that this is as major a stumbling block as, say, having had a breast reduction leaving you incapable or something.
That said, if you are able to, I do think it would be useful to advise your OB about this because, like PP said, I would imagine that childbirth may bring up past trauma anyhow. I dont know how far along you are, but just the regular appointments alone can get kinda invasive toward the end. Plus this may help get them on your side so to speak and prevent them from trying to convince you - and maybe put a note in your file for the hospital staff to do the same. If you arent comfortable doing this, I would be very firm in your choice and try to leave no room for debate.
*IF* this is an issue for you because you DO wish to try to BF then I would suggest trying therapy. If you are comfortable and happy wtih this decision (well, as happy as one could be given the reason) then I would just be very firm and decisive about your choice. IME with this and other issues, when you come across as very decisive and confident in your choice, people are less likely to question you on it - if they dont see an opening for doubt.
That said, on EITHER side of the topic there are people who will give crap. If you BF, you hear it about NIP, spoiling, why arent you weaning etc... and I know that some FF moms get crap about why arent they BFing too. So I would try and have a very firm response up your sleeve just in case.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
holy crap, PGH, when did your tiny baby become a little person?
he's adorable!
thanks! and I KNOW! He suddenly is a KID. I keep telling him to slow down!
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
You got good advise here OP and I wish you all the best of luck. I would never ever pressure a rape survivor to BFing if it made them uncomfortable at all.
I would also tell your OB about your past. If you have to have a c/s, they will strap your arms down. I wouldn't want to you go into that unprepared and have a panic attack on the table if it brought back something.
Good Luck!
Pumping sucks balls. I'm just letting you know. It especially sucks when the kid is right there. If you're going to do it, you're going to want an amazeballs breastpump with all the bells and whistles.
Personally, I hate feeling like a trussed up cow as well as the inconvenience. And I fundamentally do not believe that the benefits of breastmilk outweigh the annoyance of full time pumping especially if you aren't going to benefit from the snuggle time and extra closeness of breastfeeding.
And I think that's the issue here. I think even if you do manage to get through it, you won't be able to enjoy one of breastfeeding's primary selling points, the closeness that comes from the breastfeeding aspect of it.
That's not to say you won't be close to your baby if you don't breastfeed him. There are a thousand and other natural evolving ways we bond with our babies. I just think that in your case, the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits.
Parenting fresh babies is hard enough as it is. I vote that you make things as easy as possible by eliminating extra difficulties.
And tell anyone who is up your ass about it to shove off.
Click me, click me!
They don't have to strap your arms down and it's not medically necessary it's just more convenient for the staff.
my c/s my arms weren't strapped down and I held DD as soon as they had me stitched up then we were moved to our room.