I want to punch my MIL...Vent!

CutieGirlLissie

I think I've done pretty well this week considering we got our BFN on Tuesday. It's not like I'm wallowing around the house all day in my pajamas crying non-stop (though to be honest I think i deserve that right if i wanted to). Never the less, I still don't feel up to really talking about it all with my family so I had DH text the immediate family to tell them the news and ask them to please give me some space to process everything. Most of them responded to him and apologized, told us how sorry they were and of course understood my need for privacy.

HOWEVER, my MIL felt the need to text me directly. She even started out the text with "I know Mike asked us to give you space but I thought I'd text you anyways..." WTF!! Then she went on to tell me how HER heart is broken over this, and that she is "praying for us for the loss of our precious embryos". I know that her heart is in the right place and it wasn't meant to make me upset but am I the only one who thinks this is bazaar? First, HER heart is broke?!?! Please! And I really don't want to hear someone talk about "my precious embryos"!

I made DH call her and explain that while we understood she meant well by the text, she can in no circumstance bring up "our embryos" when we see her in person. I am fine talking about everything, but that's just too much.

Unfortunately we have to see his family tomorrow and I swear to God I will turn around and leave the moment she says anything like that to me!!

Thanks for letting me vent. 

mandac033

That is so frustrating. I would have been so upset too. You and your DH nicely asked that people give you distance and MIL isn't respecting that and still texting you. It sounds like she meant well, but who really wants to hear about someone else's heart breaking when your feeling sad yourself. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Hopefully she will give you space tomorrow and not bring it up. If not I'd knock a b*tch out! ((HUGS))

emikat

I'm so sorry for this.  I had my DH do the same thing and he warned me that my MIL would probably send me an email.  She did and said pretty much the same thing that yours did that THEY were so hopeful.  I know her heart was in the right place and so I didn't confront her or say anything.  I think I responded back to her with one sentence.  I don't even remember what.  Sometimes family just doesn't know what the right thing to say is.  My MIL told me the last time they were here that no matter what happens, don't adopt.  It rubbed me the wrong way.  DH has a son from a previous marriage, so they have their grandson...who the F does she think she is to tell me to limit my options for my family.  Hopefully, your MIL will not push it tomorrow.  If she does, take a break and go for a walk.  Big hugs.  

nhamilton1008

I'm so sorry to hear that someone so close doesn't get it. I know they can't know exact what we go through but those are the people who should respect our wishes the most. Hugs

new+tothis

Wow. She has some serious nerve. She totally undermined your grief I would have reacted the same exact way. I'm sorry.

katiedo2011

Ugg I'm sorry ...MIL can be a real pain

jadwedd

I want to punch her in the face for you.  Some people just do not get it.  I hope that she keep her trap shut when you have to see her. 

firesiren

I understand being upset as I was a mess, both times....  Maybe a little different perspective though, while she should have avoided contact and gave you space,  Maybe she is hurting too.  Her son is hurting and there's nothing she can do about it.  I don't about your relationship but my MIL was heartbroken because we were so sad.  She would do anything to help us make it happen  BIG ((HUGS))  I'm hoping tomorrow goes well.

Mayzie15

Ugh I'm really sorry your MIL is being so insensitive!! I'm thinking good thoughts that she doesn't bring it up tomorrow at all. Fx for you!

jess8788

MIL's can suck!!! I lost our baby right before Christmas last year and decided to get out of the house and go to his familys cookie exchange.  I dragged my mom with me so she could support me.  Mind you, I was still bleeding like I was dying.  Everyone could tell something was wrong with me. And like it was exciting....she announced to everyone, Jessica had a miscarriage a few days ago.. I lost it. Really lady!!!

I think they mean well, but are insensitive and don';t know how to talk to us sometimes...ugh she kills me!

 

Hope tomorrow goes well!

BellaLux

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, however good intentions, when you need space it needs to be respected. Maybe I misunderstood, but I read it as your MIL saying her heart is broken for you and DH, is that right? I think our parents hearts do break when their children are unhappy. I know my parents cried with me when I told them of my IF...and I understood that they literally felt my pain because I am their child.

In anycase, take all the time that you need. I think far too often we and those around us expect us to bounce back in a week or two...but it just doesn't happen like that. It's a process...and there will be good days...and bad days...for months! Don't feel rushed, you are entitled to feel how you feel...and if you don't want to talk, then that's that!

Rvnsgrl81

I am sorry she did this. This is exactly why we haven't told DH's side of the family what is going on with us. My mom knows and a few friends and that is it. I would get calls and FB posts all day long about crap if they knew and no one can keep their mouths shut even if you ask them too. DH doesn't understand why I don't want to say anything yet, well maybe because of that and the fact we keep getting delayed!