Met with a couple this week. /opinions?

greenteabee

I'm really not sure where I am at with things right now. I'm really even considering parenting at the moment. Just kind of lost in this mindlessness right now. Found out the sexes on wednesday, two boys.

I met with a couple that I felt a tug with this week, I'm not sure how much I connect with them but I do feel a tug with them. They have two young kids already, one of which has special needs, and I'm not sure how I feel about placing the twins with them, because I'm not sure how they would handle the needs of two newborns and a special needs child. They do seem like really great parents, and I know they wouldn't be adopting again if they couldn't handle it, right?

(edit) I guess I should place an actual question... 

Do you guys think I should just move on, on consider these people anyways?

I'm just torn and all over the place. Thoughts/prayers/what have you is appreciated. 

Julie721

It sounds like you are weighing all of the options very carefully, which is what I would do. For me, whether or not to consider this couple would depend on what the special needs were of the other child (being completely honest here). Twins are a TON of work, from friends I know who have them. If the special needs child is well cared for and they seem to be doing well (i.e. still manage to socialize with friends, take family vacations, etc.), then I wouldn't necessarily disregard them completely.

That said, you can also take as long as you want to make this decision, whether it is parenting, placing with this family or continuing to look at other families.  (I know you already know this, just trying to encourage you). I will be praying!

kmkaull2

First, I have so much respect for the way you are handling your situation.  I think you should give yourself a break.  You don't need to make any decisions right now.  Just keep gathering information--think about this couple, but also consider all the pros and cons of parenting.  Don't worry about making any big decisions at this point. 

As for this couple, all I can tell you is that I've worked with many parents (both as a teacher and in-home autism therapist) of children with special needs.  I am always amazed what these parents can handle.  They also have such a clear perspective about what's important in life.  Take that generalization for what it's worth, as obviously I don't know these people.  ;-)

So glad you continue to post here.  Yay for twin boys!  You're in my thoughts.

 

silliestbunny

Hugs and prayers...

Gracie5Evertt1

Oh boy (sorry, no pun intended!) - I read your message and I felt a "tug"!! Bear with me as I have a point to my story....

We are adoptive parents of two beautiful children. We love both of their birthmoms - IMMENSELY! We visit the birthmom to our 5 year old regularly - she gave us the biggest compliment this year. She wrote us and told us that we gave her daughter a better life than she ever imagined when she chose us. She knew she was solid in her decision to choose us - but the life her daughter has was better than she ever imagined.  What you need to do is know that the right family is out there. The family that you will say "YES! This is what I want for my boys! This is where/how I want them to grow up!"  You will find that family. There are so many great adoptive families out there. 

The important point I want to say is.......both of our babies birthmoms knew when they chose us that "it was right" - I believe in life you do know that when it's right, it's right. I think you need more than a tug. Don't give up. 

We have met many adoptive moms and believe that this decision to place is the decision of a brilliant person. It is a decision that is greater than the needs of you - which many, many people are not able to do. It is selfless and wonderful for your babies. What you are doing is so big - so big.  

Anytime I can give you experience from "the other side" (being the adoptive parents) - please, let me know. What you are going through is H U G E. 

 

heaven22tw

I have to write from an adult adoptee perspective.  I was adopted with my bro when we were two and three.  my parents had already adopted my older brother.  To this day my mom has said she was so far in over her head she wish she had known ahead of time...it was like bringing home twins. I could sense that stress and tension growing up.  I would talk to them and see there plans.  is there a stay at home parent, support system outside of the family, when would they have time for themselves to just relax, what research have they done about twins.  I would say just make sure there elation over having three family does over rule practicality.  My husband and I just turned down another situation bc it wasn't the right fit and we then decided to take a break from the adoption process bc its so hard to say no.Just make sure they understand.

heaven22tw

Sotry about all the sp and crammed errors on my phone.

missred75

kmkaull2:

First, I have so much respect for the way you are handling your situation.  I think you should give yourself a break.  You don't need to make any decisions right now.  Just keep gathering information--think about this couple, but also consider all the pros and cons of parenting.  Don't worry about making any big decisions at this point.

This. Exactly. You still have a lot of time to make your mind up, whether you decide to parent or make an adoption plan. You need to make sure you are 100% comfortable with your decision, both with your plans and with potential adoptive parents. It's a big decision. Give yourself some time to process all of it. I also agree with a PP that mentioned that it should be more than just "a tug". I truly believe when you meet the PAP, you will know.

You're in my thoughts, hun.