Insensitive or over emotional?

larhun3

So I'm sitting in my re's waiting room while DH gives his sample for IUI number 2 and a woman comes in with a baby in a stroller and starts feeding him and cooing, etc. I had to hold back tears bc here I am getting ready to have another IUI just to give myself a shot at having a baby and the whole time I'm waiting I have to look at a baby.

DH came out and we got to leave while they do the wash and I said something to him about people bringing babies to a fertility clinic and how I thought it was insensitive. DH saw my point but said she obviously had a reason to be there and maybe didn't have someone to watch the baby. But I still feel like it is incredibly insensitive and makes me feel more stressed/upset.

What do you ladies think? Has this ever happened to you?

futurehuber

I agree with you.  I've been to my RE three times so far and one time there was a lady with a stroller leaving as I was coming out and about to make my next appointment with the receptionist (didn't actually see the baby) and then another time a woman had her husband waiting right outside the door with their little toddler son (or I'm assuming it was their son)...he was being all cute and running around and I had to sit and watch this through the window as I waited.  Made me sad.  I swear I read it in the paperwork that they ask you not to bring children, but obviously not everyone follows that...

katekat8721

Yeah,it irritates me. But I try to imagine that they are tryjng for #2 and have no one to watch the baby for all their monitoring/treatment appointments. Hubby and I talked about this same thing after our second IUI, and he asked if we were trying for another would we really go at 7am to drop off little one at grandmas then go downtown for our 5 min appt an hour away? I just don't know. I try to put myself in their shoes, even if they dont necessarily put those without children in theirs.

Aurora1181

hm.. that one's tough. This hasn't happened to me, so I'm not 100% sure how I would feel, but something about it seems wrong. I can understand if a woman has to bring the baby (because they're nursing, etc), but a toddler running around the waiting room= not okay.

daisy19782011

Oh I understand being sensitive to that. I was so jealous of a pregant lady at my RE's office Friday b/c she asked for the form to get all of her records to her OB b/c she had graduated from the RE. I think it just hits us sometimes. GL on IUI #2!

vpine

I wouldn't want to see a baby at fertility clinic, at all. I don't think it's being too sensitive or anything, if I ever have a child, I would think it's common sense and courtesy not to show up with baby to fertility specialist where IUI and IVF are being done.

ball.and.chain

katekat8721:

Hubby and I talked about this same thing after our second IUI, and he asked if we were trying for another would we really go at 7am to drop off little one at grandmas then go downtown for our 5 min appt an hour away? I just don't know. I try to put myself in their shoes, even if they dont necessarily put those without children in theirs.

This.  I get that it can be difficult, but I don't think it's realistic to ask a woman with a young child to not bring him/her to an RE's office when she's trying for a second.  Those early-morning monitoring appointments are enough of a pain to squeeze in before work, and now you have to figure out how to fit daycare drop-off in too?  Maybe it makes sense to drop off the baby first, but maybe the RE is on the way or drop-off doesn't start that early or daycare is closed that day.  Maybe the father can do daycare drop-off, maybe he has an early shift and leaves before daycare opens, or maybe he has to be at the RE's.  Maybe she's a SAHM and doesn't have anyone else to take the baby.  I know there are RE's offices where it's the policy to not bring babies, and I understand why, but I don't agree with it.  We have to see other people's small children all the time -- out shopping, on the subway, at work, at family gatherings etc.  Is it really any easier to see a mom and baby at Starbucks 5 minutes after you leave the RE's office than in the RE's waiting room?  Personally, I take babies in the RE's waiting room as evidence of success and a good omen.

MrsSJE2011

Good luck with IUI #2!!!

I know this is going to sounds a bit funny, but I have thought a lot about this after having a situation at my RE's with a couple oogling over their twin u/s picture.  Obviously I can only speak for myself, but I think both of your choices, insensitive AND over emotional apply.  The RE's office is supposed to be a safe place and there are so many feelings wrapped up in IF and then you add in the hormones and it is all over!   I am the first one to admit to being overemotional to things.  At the same time, it was certainly insensitive on the mom's part.  My REs office specifically has a sign on the door before you even enter that says something like "We LOVE kids at Clinic X, but kindly ask that you secure child care to keep our office a comfortable place for all our patients".

herecomesthesun

I can see how it would be upsetting. Actually, my second visit to the RE, there was a mom, dad and baby in there. I assumed they are trying for another.

It is hard to see my friends and family lapping me but with total strangers, eh. We have no idea what the person went through to have that child or what is going on in their life. Maybe they were bringing the baby in to meet the RE that made it happen. 

I think IF does bring out the sensitivity and emotion in us. There's no doubt in that- but perhaps she could have not drawn as much attention to herself.

 

 

alb245

herecomesthesun:

We have no idea what the person went through to have that child or what is going on in their life. Maybe they were bringing the baby in to meet the RE that made it happen. 

This. My RE made us promise to bring in our baby (actually she specifically said "You have to promise to bring in your baby so I can sniff it's head."...weird) whenever we finally do get pregnant. I said yes, but obviously I have no intentions whatsoever of bringing a newborn into an RE's office for the simple reason of parading it around to all of the staff. A picture will do.

I too think both of your emotions apply. I do not think you are being too sensitive, as I've felt that kids/babies don't belong in RE's offices. However the further I get into this journey, my feelings have started to change. I don't love to see babies/toddlers in the RE's office but I have to assume that person is there for the same reason I am, and that just sucks no matter what (although it definitely sucks more when we're still trying for #1, I get it). 

I think I could deal with it once in a while, but if there was a woman with a baby/toddler there every single time I went, that would get old quick.

larhun3

I definitely see everyone's point of view and appreciate the responses. I know I can't judge the woman bc I don't know her TTC journey and how she got her first child and why she might be there. It's just in that moment when she was looking over and smiling at me and cooing into stroller I just got incredibly jealous and felt like she shouldn't have brought the kid in. IUI is emotional enough without adding additional stress and feelings.

I get that it can be inconvenient to leave a kid home but on the flip side...last cycle I saw a mother meet her husband at the office in the parking lot and her husband stayed in the car with their two kids while she went in for monitoring. I appreciated her empathy towards the other women seeking treatment. I know the office does advocate leaving children at home if possible.

IF sucks and sometimes I hate the feelings it brings up in me and how I react to situations. I hope with more time it gets easier and I can get out of the angry stage I've been in lately.

alb245

larhun3:

It's just in that moment when she was looking over and smiling at me and cooing into stroller I just got incredibly jealous and felt like she shouldn't have brought the kid in.
Ugh, I hate the cooing stuff too.  It's one thing to see a woman and her baby, but seeing them smiling and interacting/cooing makes it that much harder for some reason.

IF sucks and sometimes I hate the feelings it brings up in me and how I react to situations. I hope with more time it gets easier and I can get out of the angry stage I've been in lately.
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry you've been feeling so angry. I have definitely been there and sometimes slip back into that stage quite easily.  FX IUI#2 is it for you!

sundowner85

vpine:

I wouldn't want to see a baby at fertility clinic, at all. I don't think it's being too sensitive or anything, if I ever have a child, I would think it's common sense and courtesy not to show up with baby to fertility specialist where IUI and IVF are being done.

Yes, this! This is why God invented babysitters. I don't think babies should necessarily be banned at an RE but I think even someone with secondary IF should have some damn common courtesy.

notquiteblushing

I see your point and I obviously wouldn't purposely bring my kid with me if I'm lucky enough to have one. That being said, I went to the RE like 20 times this cycle and the appointments are usually 5-15 minutes. If Miracle Kiddo isn't in daycare I'm not going to be able to find a babysitter for 30 minutes, kwim?  I don't have any family nearby. FWIW I almost never have to wait for monitoring appointments.  Just procedures I wait maybe ten minutes at most.

claywalker

GL on IUI #2! 

 I have mixed emotions on this subject as well.  

kflynn81

There are women who bring their babies/kids with them rather frequently at my RE's office. I usually don't mind but this one time a father was in the waiting room with a little boy around 3 perhaps. Of course this was the one and only time my RE was running late and made me wait 45min. The entire 45min. the little boy screeeeeeeeeeeeamed Mommy!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.M.G.

ball.and.chain

I just wanted to add, I do not think the emotions you felt in reaction to the baby were in any way unjustified.  I've totally been there.  I just don't think that we can expect to be able to avoid those situations or emotions...even in the RE's waiting room.

AquaFlowers

I agree with you. That definitely bothers me when I see children there!

beth9409

My previous RE's policy was no children allowed period. It was stated all over the paperwork that they sent us. My new RE doesn't have that policy but they space their appointments out well enough that I have very seldom ran into other clients and never any children. I think it is better to keep the children out of the RE's office. IF is bad enough without the added emotional stress.

Laylarue

Where I go for monitoring is also where the pregnant women go for their ultrasounds in that building. It seriously breaks my heart realizing I'm there just praying for a baby while they are getting to see theirs. I understand how you are feeling.

NicoleRich105

I can understand where you're coming from; at the same time, she's probably there for a reason, right? And what if she had no one to watch her child while she was at this appt? I guess you gotta try to see it from all angles- you'll never know the reasoning behind why some people bring in their child to a place like that. Sometime they simply may have had no choice. But it does suck for those of us stuck without.

Ashbear2

I 100% agree with your feelings. I don't think it's oversensitive or emotions getting the best of you. I have heard of some RE offices not allowing children in their waiting rooms for this very reason. Its courtesy. 

Now, if you had walked up to her and told her you didn't appreciate her gloating over having a baby in an infertility waiting room.... then I'd have to say you need to simmer down. Secret sadness is ok tho, and we probably all have it.