I have been with my H for 10 years. We have had our ups and downs over the years. We recently had our first child and he is now 3.5 months old. I believe H is an alcoholic and most of our problems have been around his drinking. For instance, staying out drinking from morning until the next day and then sleeps for 24 hours straight.
His work allows him to do this as he only works 2-3 days out of week, but for 12 hours at a time. He has changed the baby's diaper once since he was born and has not stayed longer than 1 hour alone with baby. Therefore, it is not such a huge loss in that department.
I have been paying the mortgage and all the bills related to baby. He contributes to utilities only as I make more than him. In June, when baby was only a few weeks old, I found messages on facebook to other women. He was basically propositioning them for sex. Most of the women were from H.S. and live on the east coast. We reside on the west coast.
We started marriage therapy in July when I found the messages to address the potential infidelity and the alcoholism. We continue to go, and H had committed to a contract with the therapist about refraining from alcohol. To make a long story short, he had been sober for the last 3 weeks and things had greatly improved for us. However, he left this morning at about 10am and is out drinking again. He is a binge drinker. I'm trying not to let it bother me, however, I experience horrible anxiety when he does this.
I dont want this to affect LO, so I took LO to the mall tonight and then just put him to bed. I will have to address this at the therapist's office next week. But I think I'm done. I am too tired and don't have the energy to be wasting on him when my LO needs me.
Sorry so long, but this is my story....
Re: looks like I may be joining this board...
Excuse me if this is too intrusive, but if you are still sleeping with him, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use a condom. He may very well be having sex with other women and you don't want to put yourself at risk. If you have to, tell him your gyno told you too because you have a major yeast infection or whatever.
I had an alocoholic husband and what really helped me was Celebrate Recovery. It gave me strength to make changes I needed to with support from other women. I was incredibly co-dependent and had no idea. I thought I was just a supportive wife.
I could go there and cry or complain and not feel judged. I also learned boundaries and how to protect myself from his choices. A lot of healing happened in those meetings. If you aren't religious (CR is biblically based) I highly recommend AL-ANON. Both groups work on making yourself healthy, since there isn't a way to make an addict change. Addicts are by definition selfish in their disease and won't change until their pain overwhelms their fear of change.
On the bright side, by getting myself healthy, I was able to walk away and in my absence my husband realized his problem. I didn't leave him to get him to change, because manipulation never works. I left him because he crossed my boundaries and I wasn't willing to dance the dance anymore. It was very liberating and I never made a better decision.
I can tell you today, five years later, we are together and very happy. I still have my boundaries (including no drinking, because a recovering alcoholic will always be an alcoholic) and we work together as a team in a covenant. I NEVER thought he would be the man he is today. He went from staying out all night, drinking, cheating and living in an addictive existence, to a dedicated husband and father who dares not come close to even any kind of "iffy" behaviour because HE has chosen thats the life he wants, not because I made him. I am very proud of him.
I wish all the best for you. God bless.
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. ~ 1 Samuel 1:27 NIV