When to Report Daycare - Long
meghanw712
member
I need some weigh in about reporting your daycare to DHS, and this is why.
DS is our first baby and I am first to admit I had no idea what to expect when it came to selecting a daycare. DH and I are both oldest in our families, and most of my friends do not have babies yet. The ones that do have daycare arrangements with Grandparents, so I really had no benchmark.
We chose a daycare based on the fact that it was run out of someone's home (now I have no idea why I thought that was even a factor to consider..) in a good neighborhood, with a long standing reputation of 25 years of service behind her (Sandra)
She was at capacity at the time, so she referred us to her neighborhood friend (we will call her 
who is at home with her last high-school aged child, and put us on a waiting list. DS was 1:1 with B for six months, and DH and I fell in love with her. She was a former nurse (like my own mother) and became like part of our family.
When something opened up at Sandra's house, as we were on the waiting list, we willingly transferred DS over but something felt off with the way Sandra conducted herself from the very start. (very controlling and odd with these pet birds that had free reign of the house)
As moms, you know that pressing feeling that something is just not right? I began to investigate Sandra (I am a compliance officer, sometimes it carries over), and found a report on her that is public record (I am fully aware sharing this may be TMI but I need you to know I am not bullshitting) (https://www.dleg.state.mi.us/fhs/brs/reports/DG390072070_SIR_2006D0269044.pdf)
This former report stated (paraphrased here) that her husband is harsh to the kids and has spanked them, which did not surprise me in the least (i.e., once when I picked up DS he was loudly scolding a 1-year old for touching some mail he left on a chair?) Not only is he aggressive, but this man just seems overall unhappy with life. Additionally, per this former Complaint, she never did remediate the issue with hanging swings over concrete.
And so it continues (these are solitary instances): DH goes to pick up DS once and Sandra is drinking wine coolers out on the porch; DH picks up DS for a well child and the entire house is locked down and Sandra wants to know if DH had prior authorization to just "drop in" during the middle of the day; I pick up DS mid-afternoon and he is left outside, crying his little heart out because he just learned to stand and doesn't know how to get back down, and Sandra is around the corner, sitting in an adirondack chair talking on the phone.
Additionally, DS has started to "head bang," which (understandably) concerned Sandra. She calls me one day and demands I take DS to the doctor. Unable to get an appointment with the Pedi that day, I take DS to the Family Doctor and Doc tells me it is a quirky habit and sends me on my happy little way. Sandra proceeds to disparage me to the other moms for not taking him to a Pediatrician on that day. I hear this through B which is hearsay, I realize, but she did make some strange comments directly towards me about that, so I believe it.
Please bear in mind there are no written contracts around this relationship. So, DH and I pull DS from her care after we return from vacation two weeks ago. We ask her when is the earliest she can fill his spot (knowing that B has many kids in the "queue"), and in the interim (basically, until we can afford Nanny-type care), he will return to B.
Then comes the *** storm. Per B, Sandra came up with all of these verbal agreements about what we owed her (we agreed on a severance, but when she did not receive her check via certified mail within 24 hours, all the sudden she wanted 3x what we agreed upon).
And, here is the kicker. She suddenly decides she is going to involve CPS in regards to DS's head banging and includes that I am starving DS by not feeding him grains (FACT - DS is over 50% in weight, and I do feed him grains called "Quinoa" and "Amaranth" which McFly is too dense to understand qualify as grains).
She also claims to B that I am "mentally unstable." Please also bear in mind the only direct communication I have actually had with her is to terminate our relationship, and then agree upon a severance which she verbally told me was fair, and ended with how much she enjoyed my family, etc., etc.
To B, she goes on to say she will no longer do business with "18 year olds" (I am 25), and tells B that she is in for trouble.
Meanwhile, B lets me know that there are, on average, 18 kids passing through there on any given day, hence their policy on "no drop ins." Poor B is watching DS and hurricane Sandra has been sweeping through there on a daily basis with a new issue involving me, even after she finally got her money in the mail.
So. Do I report her? Or would that exacerbate the situation? Can she retaliate by reporting us to CPS, even if her allegations are made up?
This is long, I'm sorry. But what I have deduced is that it's clear she and her husband are jaded and have been in this for way to long, and I think they deserve to be re-evaluated by the State.
Thoughts?
Re: When to Report Daycare - Long
She lives in the same neighborhood so she has decided to show up in person to discuss this issue. We were home with DS last week and the week before that to let the dust settle, but it seems like the mere fact that DS is with the new DCP continues to be very upsetting to her. It's my understanding that DCP is keeping her at bay and ready to move on from their past relationship. It is a mess.
I will be reporting her today.
I am so upset for you. This is absolutely horrible. I agree with PPs- report her, get a restraining order and move DS to new care. I wouldn't even want my DS at B's house.
GL to you. :-(
Remember she keeps her husband there to count as the other care giver required by law? In that report I found from the other mom it explicitly says that he is the primary caregiver, and she apparently runs an interior design business that also occupies most of her time (which I didn't know until just before we pulled DS)
And for clarification, she has never gone over there when DS is there, otherwise I would have taken off work for as long as needed to find alternate care. It's the risk/possibility of her going over there when DS is there that continues to worry me.
Yes, report her! Drinking alcohol while watching kids is a huge violation amongst several others you have mentioned. According to the doc you provided she already has violations against her.
Be prepared-it sounds like she may backlash and try to turn things around on you. Document the incidents w/ dates.
The concept that she is DRINKING and that she is IGNORING your crying child while chatting on the phone.... those 2 things alone floor me. But then her DH HITS the kids??? I dont' care what your personal views on spanking are- but a DCP should absolutely NOT be using that as discipline on MY child.
F**K no.
Yes, I'd call. I think she's threatening calling CPS on you specifically to scare you from calling. They've been reported before - she's scared.
REPORT her. Please. She and her DH should NOT be taking care of children.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Report her!
And have everything written down w/ dates if possible in case she tries to report you to CPS (who will possibly investigate, and you want your evidence).
Good luck.
HOLY CRAP. WHAT A FREAKING DISASTER.
Report her. Report him. And IMO get your child FAR AWAY FROM HER AND HER NEIGHBORHOOD.
I'm not kidding at all. I would immediately stop taking my child to this new caregiver too. Get as far away from these crazy people as possible. Even if you have to take a few weeks off of work to find a better situation. Go to a reputable day care center with rules and regulations where NO one can just drop in and see your children. I would be very afraid for my kids given your situation and the craziness going on here.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
Agree with everyone. Report her.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think she is still watching other kids. For that reason alone, you must report her!!
Also, ignore her threats and do consider a restraining order. She sounds crazy.
This - I would not want this woman anywhere near my child. Or any child. Good luck, the whole situation is nauseating. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
I stopped reading at 'spanking' and 'drinking wine coolers'.
Pull you kid. Make a report.
Holy sh!t.
Wow. There are no words. I agree that she needs to be reported and yesterday. However, I would also encourage you to hire yourself a lawyer to help you report her and stick bhind you should she turn this whole biig sh!t show around about the whole CPS thing. That way, you've got a lawyer with formal documentation about your account of what happened and he'she can assist in making the report so everyone involved (state authorities, CPS, her stupid a$$, EVERYONE) knows you're not playing.
How old is your DS? Are you sure she/her husband never spanked or otherwise hurt him? I'd make notes with the lawyer about every little "off" thing you noticed while he was in her care.
ETA: We quickly padded her crib and eventually she stopped doing it. Didn't want anyone to think this was an ongoing problem in our home where my kid has a bruised face!
Having been in a similar situation, I think the only thing you can really report is the drinking, everything else is second hand. The leaving your child around the corner is bad practice but not illegal that I can think of.
BUT getting the state out there to check things out is never a bad thing. Do you know any of the other parents? Can you talk to them?
If B knew something was shady at Sandra's house, then why didn't she say something when you transferred your son from B's care to Sandra's care?
Best of luck in this whole situation
I stand by my original post but after going back and reading the balance of your OP, I agree with this, esp. the bolded part.
1. Absolutely report this-ASAP. Make a written log of everything that's transpired and collect any "evidence"- emails, voicemails, etc.
2. Have a talk with B right away about how she's handling Sandra. If she doesn't have a clear plan about keeping Sandra away from DS and not discussing you or your family with her, I'd pull him and move him somewhere else (preferably a center with security!).
3. Don't worry about CPS- she may make a claim, and if they investigate, they will see that your child is well-cared for and has received appropriate medical care when needed. I doubt she'll do this, though, because it will draw attention to her as well.
4. Talk with someone about getting a restraining order against her to keep her away from your family. She sounds like she's unbalanced and you don't need someone like this around your child.
Good luck! I can't imagine how stressful this must be :-(
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
I agree in reporting her and then you probably should pull DS from B and find another person. Unfortunately B and Sandra are neighbors and work collegues and the fact that B hasn't reported Sandra knowing all the goes on at the daycare indicates to me that B is scared of Sandra. Given that, I don't think B can properly keep your DS safe. To me, it just wouldn't be worth the risk. I would get a restraining order to keep Sandra away from your family and then relocate your DS to a center with security. i know you love B but there are some excellent caregivers out there and I sense that since you moved DS from B's care to Sandra's center, that you were not 100% happy with B's care and thought Sandra would be better.
With regard to money, let her chase you. You didn't have an agreement in place and if she wants to take you to small claims court over a verbal agreement (which she probably won't because people generally don't have the knowledge, resources and time to do so) then so be it. Don't give her another dime to perpetuate her insanity.
I wish you could notify the other parents of that center. You could provide them with a copy of the public record but anything beyond that, Sandra could sue you for slander etc.
So sorry you're going through this. I would have wanted to puke if I saw the husband yelling at a 1 year old for reaching for mail. What are these other parents thinking putting their kids there???
Why didn't you report her after the first incident?
You need to find new, reputable, LICENSED day care for your LO.