how do you do it?
Im sure that this has come up a million times on here, but how do you single parents do it?
I have a 2.5 month old with my SO and its not going well. We had some issues prior to my pregnancy and I thought that we had worked through them, but I was wrong. as soon as I got pregnant it got bad... he was distant, "bored" (I guess he expected me to bar hop pregnant?) and just miserable. He has become insanely negative and just miserable in general. I cant take it anymore and I dont want to raise our child in such an unhappy enviroment. I have tried numerous times to talk and work on our issues but he doesnt want to hear it and Im sick of being pushed to the side. Im emotionally drained and I cant do this forever...
Right now I work pt and stay home with the baby. How on earth do single moms do it financially? how do you go from my position to taking care of yourself and a baby? I feel so helpless... if I did not have a baby I could do it but now its different... childcare is expensive and I would have to work insane hours to pay for everything. I guess I just cant wrap my mind about what it would take to leave.
Re: how do you do it?
Three words. No other explanation needed.
You. Just. Do.
In my bag
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To be honest, yes, you just get it done. I left my xh after 12 yrs of verbal and emotional abuse..it was actually the first time he put his hands on me that I decided to pack the kids and leave but i tell you I'd of rather taken a punch in the face to the years of manipulation I had to deal with.
He made his money and I didn't have to worry but when we left I had to go on assisstance to get by. We struggle every month but always manage. Food banks help alot and my mum helps when she can.
2 years after we left my kids father i met someone else who was total opposite of my xh, he was great and had his own house, worked hard and even put an offer in on a bigger house for all of us. I wasn't even looking for a relationship..we ended up moving in with him, I got pregnant and I put my notice in to move out of my townhouse. Well lucky for me (in a way) that he cheated on me around my 20th week and I still had time to revoke my notice so my kids and I could move back home.
So I have a 10 yr old daughter, 7 yr old son who live with me. My 13yr old son went to live with dad back in april..getting child support from their dad is like pulling teeth and when I do get it its a whole $50. I know some moms have no help so I hate complaining but I can barely feed my daughter on that for the week. Between drs appt's-my son is adhd/autistic so he goes to his pediatrician ever 3 weeks 45 minutes away, my daughter had surgery on her hip so she has follow ups every month, she also has hearing issues we're trying to figure out so theres more appts. and then my appts are every week now with my OB and ultrasounds here and there..its mentally and financially draining. My engine light is on in the van-for 2 weeks now, my back left tire is my spare and it has a nail in it which causes a slow leak but I can't afford even used tires from the wreckers right now to get them fixed and i need an alignment which is $100. YAY ME lol
I might *** n moan but to be honest I'm happier being a single mom. We struggle but I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't have to answer to anyone, I plan to get back to school after the baby is a few months old and go forward with my plans for nursing. My ex always disagreed with my choice, frankly he didn't want to watch the kids. Life isn't always about the materialistic crap you can have, if you woke up tomorrow and it was all gone what could you say you have? I can say that I have my dignity and my kids who love me and I'd do anything for them.
You just have to decide whether you are happy enough to stay with your SO and figure stuff out or live miserably and not figure it out...just because something is 'comfortable' doesn't mean its the right way. You're a mom, you will figure it all out in time. Good luck with everything
It was not my choice so I was forced to find a way. I don't know your situation but I would never have chosen to be alone with a baby. I moved in with my sister and her family for awhile. Then I filed for child support and I suppose I was lucky (insert sarcasm) that I procreated with a man who has a pretty good and steady job. With my income and the child support I can get by. I'm certainly not rich but I can make ends meet and have a little fun too. Also I am in another relationship so I was blessed in many ways to find a man who cares for me and my son so much and he helps a lot with taking care of my son.
It is extremely hard and honestly if I were you I would do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. Do you want to end up sending your baby over to his house for the weekend with another woman there to raise your baby? Because that is what I have had to do since my son was a year and a half old and I can assure you it still breaks my heart over a year later. Dealing with your ex and his future girlfriend will be really hard and that is something you need to really think about.
If you leave him you will spend the next 18+ years dealing with your ex and fighting over timesharing and holidays and money. And you really won't be fighting him you will be fighting the woman that he is with. My ex immediately starting dating his coworker and after a few months it was very evident who was calling the shots (her). I'm telling you it's no picnic. Then you might get involved with someone with kids too and then you have it from both ends. Both of you are fighting for timesharing and money. Like I said it's no picnic either.
No, no, no.
It's better for a child to have parents who are separated and happy than it is to have parents together and miserable. That being said, if there is no abuse, infidelity, etc. perhaps you and your H should try counseling first. Having a newborn is a rough adjustment, and probably not the best time to make difficult decisions that will cause even more adjustments. Since you do have a child together it is important to really give it your all before calling it quits, because you do have to consider some of the difficulties listed above; no matter what you will be parenting with him for many years to come. But in the end it's better for all of you to be happy. Happy parents = happy baby.
As far as the financials and the day to day go, the courts will work out support so that your child will live as if you were still together ... or at least that's how it's supposed to work. On this board there are many who don't receive child support, but that's more due to the men than the court system. So if your H has a steady job, the court will look at both of your incomes and award CS accordingly. It is a long and tedious process, but if you have some help from friends and family you can get through it.
Best of luck to you!