Anyone still have to hold 3 yo's hand everywhere?

sunandsand

If we let go of him for a second, he will BOLT. Yesterday my DH let go of his hand to open up the car door and he ran...in a parking lot. Not safe. He also got loose in a Cracker Barrel and I had to chase him around there. We've been told he may have ADHD so thats part of it (the lack of impulse control)   We use the stroller a lot because of this. Any ideas on how we can work on it?

My one idea was to get one of those leashes, and the second he starts to run away, slap it on him...so next time he'll remember he didn't like the leash and connect the two? We would practice in safe areas, ie not parking lots or crowded places.  

honeybee111

We worked on this A LOT when DD was around 2.  It was just a lot of constant reminding, praising, and reinforcing.  For example, BEFORE letting go of her, I'd get down at her level, and remind her, "OK, stand right next to mommy and touch the car, so you'll be safe."  Then, I would let go of her, but be ready to grab her if I needed to.  If she stayed next to me, lots of praise.  She only tried to run a couple of times because that's probably the second time in her life that I ever raised my voice at her and she cried.  We've also had to carry a screaming child/force her into the stroller, because there are some cases where just running around is non-negotiable.  Again, it took a few rounds of that, but now she knows it's either hold hands or be carried/sit in stroller.  She's very good about it now, but we still hold hands any place where cars are driving or there are lots of crowds/distractions.

LSU628

OMG please don't let someone tell you that at 3 yrs old your child has ADHD. Toddlers are active, impulsive, and strong-willed. It's just part of who they are, so you may have to go over the routine 50 million times before it seems like he gets it or truly listens.

sunandsand

LSU628:

OMG please don't let someone tell you that at 3 yrs old your child has ADHD. Toddlers are active, impulsive, and strong-willed. It's just part of who they are, so you may have to go over the routine 50 million times before it seems like he gets it or truly listens.

I get this a lot. Everyone wants to say this is overdiagnosed, either "just his age" or under disciplined. The fact is, he's NOT like other 3 year olds.... He can't sit still for circle time like the other kids in preschool, so they bumped him down to a younger class. He rarely plays with toys, only jumps from furniture and climbs everything.  He can't sit still for meals...I could go on and on... Its been discussed with a behavior therapist, occupational therapist, and recently our pediatrician, who at first said the same thing you said, and by the end of our visit, changed her mind and said we probably will be referred to a developmental psychologist. Research is now suggesting it actually CAN be diagnosed as young as preschool, though medication isn't used at this age. 

KateLouise

We don't have the same issue you have. I've felt confident with DD1 since she was around 2. In fact she reminds me to hold hands sometimes.

However, I just wanted to say that my understanding of ADHD kids is that routine really helpd them. Not saying that your boy is ADHD, but either way routine won't harm him.

So to that end, I would try and build a routine into your trips places. So maybe things like as you get him out of the car you remind him about holding hands in the car park. then when you get to the mall/shop/building go through the routine of 'what can you see that you'd like to look at?...that does look fun/interesting/exciting...let's go and do job x and then we'll look at that thing. Mummy's going to let go of your hand but you need to stay close to mum. If you can't do that I'll need to put the leash on you/carry you/put you in the stroller"

If you go to lots of different places, it can be hard to keep the actions the same, but you can keep the script the same. 

I'd also try and keep actively engaged with him while you're walking places. It can be easy to get lost in your own thoughts, but if you talk to him about what he can see, what errand you need to do, what you'll do after that errand etc etc etc maybe that will help.

good luck. DD1 used to bolt all the time when she was around 18mths, and I was heavily pregnant. It got very trying. 

MMMiller

I just want to say good for you for noticing your son's differences and doing all you can to help him.  I am an elementary teacher certified in special education as well and I hate the negative stigma attached to ADHD.  This day in time it is a common disability (maybe because now we can properly diagnose it) and there are so many good therapies and medications out there it becomes non-issue for a lot of families.  Good luck with the bolting

jday1229

KateLouise:

I'd also try and keep actively engaged with him while you're walking places. It can be easy to get lost in your own thoughts, but if you talk to him about what he can see, what errand you need to do, what you'll do after that errand etc etc etc maybe that will help.

This is key for us. I have to keep him engaged in what we're doing and let him do things. "Do you want to unlock the car?" (with the actual key, not the button) "Can you open the car door for mommy?"  We use "two hands on the car" a lot if I have to take my hands off him and even then I stay between him and the traffic side. It's not foolproof and if he's the slightest bit tired/hungry/over stimulated he can loose control on a dime, but it does help.

As far as being inside stores and places, no way. There is too much to explore and it's not worth trying to hold his hand and drag him around. If he can't go in a cart we just don't shop. Last week we both ended up in tears when I pushed it and tried 3 stores (quick "run in and grab one thing" trips) without using shopping carts near dinnertime. It'll be a long long time before I try anything like that again. I'd rather run out for cat food at 10pm after he's asleep than have to go through that again.

saturdaynightdoubletree

sunandsand:

LSU628:

OMG please don't let someone tell you that at 3 yrs old your child has ADHD. Toddlers are active, impulsive, and strong-willed. It's just part of who they are, so you may have to go over the routine 50 million times before it seems like he gets it or truly listens.

I get this a lot. Everyone wants to say this is overdiagnosed, either "just his age" or under disciplined. The fact is, he's NOT like other 3 year olds.... He can't sit still for circle time like the other kids in preschool, so they bumped him down to a younger class. He rarely plays with toys, only jumps from furniture and climbs everything.  He can't sit still for meals...I could go on and on... Its been discussed with a behavior therapist, occupational therapist, and recently our pediatrician, who at first said the same thing you said, and by the end of our visit, changed her mind and said we probably will be referred to a developmental psychologist. Research is now suggesting it actually CAN be diagnosed as young as preschool, though medication isn't used at this age. 

Totally off your OP, but I just wanted to chime in here. I've had a few friend's whose children have been diagnosed, but by doing a very basic diet and slowly reintroducing foods they were able to control behaviors, impulses, etc. without medication. Just something to maybe look into. For example, one kid can't have food coloring, another has reactions to imitation vanilla, etc.