Freaking out - thoughts please with no judgment

tmoore319

I am in shock and very confused right now, so please be gentle with your opinions!  Last week at our first u/s we discovered that we were having twins and couldn't be more ecstatic.  Today at the second u/s, my RE realized that it's triplets.  The third is a little behind the other two.  My RE is bringing us back in 2 weeks for another u/s.  He wanted us to start thinking about the possibility of doing a Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) and then selective reduction.  At this point, I cannot even imagine ending the life of one of my LOs.  He stressed though that we need to talk about the complications that could arise and the fact that all three babies could have problems should we go through with the pregnancy as is.  Again, after waiting and praying for a baby for this long, I can't even fathom going through with SR.  But, is this something that we should consider?  I am so overwhelmed right now and can't even think straight.  Any insight would be greatly appreciated. 

 

 

BananaPancake

I think that you'll find more than a handful of triplet moms on this board who can tell you that triplets are very, very, very possible. You have every right to get a second, third, fourth, fifth opinion. I personally wouldn't consider it, as medical science lends itself to thousands of perfectly healthy triplets every year without a backward glance. It's a highrisk pregnancy, but it could very well be mostly uncomplicated and perfectly fine. You'll be looking at NICU time, but there is a great chance that it will just be to grow them a little bigger.

Rynleigh

Such a tough call, especially since there can be such an array of outcomes depending on your own physical health.

We have a good handful of MoMs in this forum who have safely carried all three of their trips to term, who now have very healthy and normal kids. We also have MoMs who have lost a quad or a triplet during pregnancy, and women who have lost all of their babies due to complications.

I think it's a very, very personal choice - and I think the simple suggestion to SR warrants maybe getting another opinion from another doctor - preferably a Perinatologist in an MFM clinic.

I'm neither religious nor spiritual - I look at things from an ethical and humane perspective in most cases. If the very best thing you could possibly do to ensure the wellbeing of your babies and yourself would be to reduce the number of babies, I would have to say that I would think it was a justified and good hearted decision to make - BUT - I don't think that an OB who is unfamiliar with triplets telling you that you need to reduce is a good reason to do it, especially if you WANT to bring each of those babies into the world. I think you should have a very serious conversation with your partner and have their full and total support in whatever choice you make, and that you should pursue as many medical opinions as you possibly can in the coming weeks.

Triplets may be at greater risk than singletons or twins - but every single year, they are successfully brought into this world to build and complete families all over the world. Reflect, be confident, and never be afraid to demand another opinion! 

hayleydeee

First off, congratulations!!

Now to your post.. That must be an incredibly difficult choice to make. But honestly, it kind of sounds like you already know where you stand on the issue. The fact that you even phrase it as "ending the life of a LO" tells me that you probably don't feel okay with the possibility of termination. 

But if you are still not sure, it might help to ask yourself some questions about where you stand morally, ethically and spiritually on the issue. Maybe just start by thinking about things like pro-choice, pro-life, stem cell research and other controversial topics in general. When do you believe life starts? Think about where you stand on those issues, and then gradually think about how you could make your choice based on your beliefs. 

Then ask yourself some questions about how your choice will weigh on you in the years to come. Would you live forever feeling guilty that you do decide to terminate (even if your other two come out healthy)? Or will you feel even more awful if you don't terminate, and something goes wrong? What can you live with? What can't you live with? What are you going to feel the most comfortable with if someday you decide to explain this to your children?

If it's any comfort, I have family members who were faced with this same dilemma several years ago. They did the tests and all 3 came back as low risk, so then they decided to keep all 3. It was a very difficult pregnancy, with long hospital and NICU stays for everyone. But they are all happy and healthy now.  

Eriksgal

Congrats on your pregnancy! I know it is a lot to take in right now but everything will be ok. My story is very similar to yours RE said twins and the the next week it was triplets. He also recommended SR. I scheduled an appt with a MFM that does SR but I canceled it. I just couldn't imagine doing that but it's a very personal choice. I cant imagine life without all three now. Triplets are awesome and you will be fine! I had a pretty easy pregnancy until the end. Mine were in the nicu for a month. Please don't let your RE scare you. Talk to your ob if you can. Mine reassured me that it would be fine you will get do much monitoring if there are any issues your doctors will discover them pretty quickly. Take care!!

hayleydeee

Rynleigh:

 If the very best thing you could possibly do to ensure the wellbeing of your babies and yourself would be to reduce the number of babies, I would have to say that I would think it was a justified and good hearted decision to make 

Personally I would agree with this, and think that it is very well put. I also agree that getting other opinions is crucial in this situation. 

But, if it would weigh too much on your heart and soul as a parent then it might not be the best choice for your family.  

Housefull

Obviously, it is a very personal decision.  You don't have to look far on just this board to see the reality of triplet pregnancies...good, bad, and ugly.  

We found out we were expecting triplets at 7 weeks and saw all 3 heartbeats.  My ob happened to be called away and the only doctor there happened to have twins himself.  He totally took us under his wing.  He also put us in with an awesome MFM.  I'm not saying it was an easy pregnancy (although I've seen harder)..I had 14 weeks of bed rest, a cerclage, 4 hospital stays, etc.  BUT I have 3 healthy 3 month old babies that I was able to carry to 33 weeks 5 days and only spent 20 days in NICU just as feeders and growers.

Only you and your husband can make the decision, however I urge you to do research on your own and whatever you decide find doctors that support your decision and be proactive about your health, your pregnancy,and the babies. 

raraavis28

I would definitely seek another opinion. There are plenty of moms who have carried triplets healthily and I wonder at the doctor's recommendation just because there 'might' be problems down the road. Your LOs are there for a reason....follow your heart and do what's best for your family. Sending prayers for the best outcome for all of you! :

Going_from_Miss_to_Mrs

Congratulations!  It is completely normal to freak out.  Our situation was very similiar....we tried for a very long time, experienced 2 miscarriges, a rediculous amount of RE appointments and were thrilled when we found out to be expecting twins.  Fast forward a few weeks and we learned that one of the eggs split and we are now expecting triplets.  Scared, confused, overwhelmed, happy, sad, EVERYTHING we felt!

When we first found out we were expecting triplets we were immediately counseled by an MFM.  It was very doom and gloom and it really scared us.  Looking back, I know she was just doing her job... she has to tell us all the risks in case something were to happen, her job is to inform us. She counseled us on doing a reduction and it was the last thing I would ever want to do but then in the back of my head I was thinking, what if I don't do it and I lose all my precious babies that I so desperately want?! We actually met with 2 more doctors and they basically said the same thing.  We were going to meet with a a 4th doctors when we realized that if we wanted them to say something different, it is because we know what we want.  No one can tell you what to do and no one should judge you.  In the end, you and your SO are going to make the decision that you believe to be best choice for everyone's well being.  

I am happy to report that I am now 30 weeks pregnant with our triplets.  Each one of them is growing beautifully and measuring right on track (our baby c is even above average!).  Triplets certainly can have great outcomes and be perfectly healthy. This forum has been tremendously helpful and there are lots of other triplet mamas here with such happy endings.    

My suggestion is for you to meet with other doctors to hear other opinions.   Keep in mind that reductions come with risks too. Sending you hugs and wishing you the best! 

Temp123197812503460

I love how hayleydee put it, you have to decide what is right for your family and what you can and cant live with.I do think that people on these boards tend to be more outspoken against SR so you may get more comments supporting carrying all three, but it's also a totally valid choice to do the SR (I imagine it's what I would have done in our case).Good luck as you figure everything out with your family.

Kb103109

Well I can't even imagine being put in that position and I am so sorry that you have to deal with making this decision.  My opinion is that you should not do SR and go through with the pregnancy as it was meant to be.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  All three of your babies deserve at least a chance at life.  You may have a very successful pregnancy and have three healthy babies or you and your babies could have complications, but that can happen with any pregnancy multiple or singleton.  Like pp said there are many, many successful triplet births every year.  If I were in your position I would not do SR and would just do everything possible to make sure all the babies grow and are as healthy as possible. Ultimately it is your decision and you have to do what you think is best.  I hope everything works out for the best no matter what your decision.

Mama-Bear

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck wiht your decision.  I really can't add more to what the others have said.  The only thing I really want to mention is that you and your DH need to decide what's right for you and don't let any doctor try to push you in a different direction.  I remember reading a post a few months ago from a girl that was pg with either 3 or 4, she and her DH really wanted to give all of the babies a chance, but she felt that her RE was pressuring her to SR. Do your research, and like the PP said, find a doctor that supports your decision.  Good luck with whatever you decide.

pea-kay

Sorry you're going through this. Be sure to give yourself time to get used to the idea of triplets before freaking out too much. There is evidence out there that pregnancies reduced from triplets don't have better outcomes, so do lots of research. Am I biased? Of course I am. But I'm also here to tell you that triplets are very very possible.

allisonmarie22v2

No judging here.  I would have absolutely selectively reduced with trips.  In the end it is your decision and no one else's business.  For me it wasn't worth the risk.  I know many would disagree with me, and I know there are many triplet moms here with absolutely gorgeous, healthy triplets.

I'm speaking only from my point of view.

Good luck with whatever you decide.  It is not an easy decision.

so72409

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.  I have sent you a PM as well.   It's definitely a scary place to be in, but many of these ladies have given you some good advice.  Only you and your SO know what's best for you.

lola0915

I completely understand the freaking out part. I'm only 14 weeks along. I found out the same way as you did. At first they said twins, then they found the 3rd. My RE did not talk about SR but gave us a referral to a very good MFM.

He asked if we were interested in selective reduction but was not pushy at all. We talked it over but decided there was no way we were going to do it. He was ok with it and has had many healthy deliveries of triplets. It has been a high risk pregnancy for me. I've been on bed rest for 3 weeks now, had to have a cerclage put in this week and have a large sub chorionic hematoma I'm hoping will heal soon. But each time we go in for an ultrasound it has been worth it to see the babies all there looking healthy.

Good luck, it's not an easy decision but like Pea-Kay said give it time to sink in. 

Courtneyw04

SR is a very hard decision to make. My husband and I made the decision to go ahead with our quads because we both would have regretted not giving all four a shot. If we had chosen SR I would have always wondered "what if" and I personally could not deal with that the rest of my life. Now i cant imagine not having one of my babies. My advice for you if you go ahead is to put yourself on a modified bed rest. Take it easy as much as you can. 

macchiatto

Congrats on your babies! I freaked out when we first found out we were having "just" twins so I'm sure my mind would've been really spinning with the news of triplets. I agree that I'd try to give yourself time to absorb the news and research before making the decision. Hope you are able to come to a decision you're most comfortable with. Keep us posted!

SockMonkeySam

I'm going to give you the unhappy tale of carring triplets.

I got pregnant after 4 years of trying, we were estatic it was triplets. I was faced eith the same decission as you would I SR. In the end with my health we decided it would be best to lower our risk with everything we had gone thru to get pregnant. LIke you I was like how do you do it.. how do you choose. I cried all the way to the hsopital and begged for forgiveness.

I didn't have to go thru it, as one had already passed at 12 weeks, leaving the other two twins healthy. The third baby absorbed into me, and they don't know why but I contracted an infection and I lost the remaining twins at 23 weeks.

No one can make the choice for you, this is a person decission you and your H will have to make. But know in the end you will do what you feel is right in your heart.

 

ougrad1

The CVS that your doctor suggested shocks me.  I had CVS with both pregnanies (singleton and twins) and the only way that my doctor would allow it with twins was if I answered one simple question, "would you terminate if you found out something was wrong?"

I had to fly out of state to get the CVS with the babies and the geneticist was at the top of the best.  It's a totally different ballgame to do CVS with multiples vs. a singleton pregnancy in every way.  

I will stop there but, if you have any specific questions please do not hesitate to PM me.   

 

jjcald26

I was faced with the same decision not that long ago.  As soon as we knew it was triplets, I was given a few names of MFM that do SR and the term CVS.  It was very scary.  As happy as we were about the triplets, there were alot of unanswered questions.  We did decide to have CVS testing done on each of them as we decided to only reduce if there was a problem found despite all of the gloomy statistics we were given.   It was a rough time trying to decide - and no one really could help with the decision, but in the end, we just couldn't do it. 

My pregnancy was relatively uneventful - I felt pretty good up until the end - had a few scares - PTL @ 25 weeks, but held on until 35 weeks and had 3 healthy babies that came home with me on day 5.  

Good luck for whatever you decide.  It just has to be the right thing for you and your husband.   

FML8608

I'm a hormonal mess so the decision you have to make is one that I would never be able to handle.

 Does your doctor have any reason to believe that you couldn't successfully carry triplets? Many women do and do it successfully. I agree with one pp who said it sounds like you have your mind made up already and I can't say I'd do anything differently. If you have faith, you know that there is a plan for you and if you follow what your faith and instincts tell you, in the end, you will get through this either way.

 If I might add, if you choose to not SR, insist that your OB give you a cervical cerclage. I have seen so many woman lose their multiples or have their babies MUCH too early because their pelvic floor could not support the weight of multiples, they dilated, got infections, etc and lost all babies. The cerclage is a harmless preventative measure.

I will be anxious to follow you story and wish only the best for you in this difficult time.

CUTigers01

I am 16w,4d with triplets and was in a similar situation as you. I left every RE appointment crying b/c the RE's wanted me to SR. I waited until week 11 when I had my 1st appointment with my MFM. 

The MFM sked me if I wanted to to SR and I said no, and he said he saw no reason for us to have any additional conversation about it then. This was after an in-depth u/s and he said he thought all 3 looked great and he had no reason for concerns at this point.

As for CVS and other testing, similar to other moms, the MFM asked me if I would terminate if I found something "wrong" we both said probably not. Then he gave me the statistics on a miscarriage (which I don't remember, but know it is higher with triplets then with a singleton) and I could not justify having the test performed if we were keeping all three regardless. 

I loved my RE's up until the point I got pregnant with triplets. Two different doctors told me this was not a success story. So I would really recommend seeing an MFM before you make any decisions! 

RobinR91

Its a very very personal choice so I don't feel I can tell you what you should be considering. My RE recommended SR as well. Like you, we FREAKED out. but he insisted I talk with an MFM jsut to get more information. When we met with the MFM she was very helpful and knowledgable, but also positive, which is what make us stick with taking our chances on all three. We did not do CVS, and I'm currently 30 weeks along! Good luck to you, I know how scary this part of the journey is (It took me WEEKS to come to terms with triplets)

xoxo 

RedWingsFan

I just want to say congrats and welcome!

I have no experience with this, but I agree with the PPs that SR is a very personal choice and you need to do what is best for you and your family.  You will not receive any judgment from anybody on this board, no matter what you decide. 

ytterp

After 3 years of infertility treatments, we were finally blessed to be carrying triplets! I am 27 weeks along.  Our RE did ask us once about SR, but we declined. The MFM never once mentioned SR or CVS.  The pregnancy has had it's difficulties. I'm only 5'1" and started out around 115lbs. It's starting to be a problem, as they are measuring a bit small. I've also had a hospital stay and bedrest since about 21 weeks. It's not easy. However, every time I feel those little kicks or see them doing funny things on the ultrasound it reminds me that the aches and pains and issues are 100% worth it. 

As for the actual SR- my personal thoughts on it went something like this. If I did SR, I would have a 100% chance of losing one child and a chance of losing the other two. If I didn't do the SR, I'd have a chance of losing one or all of the babies. To me, it seemed less risky to keep them, and if I did lose all three, I felt that emotionally I'd handle losing all three naturally, better than if I knew that I'd purposefully lost one. I imagine when I meet them, that I'll have even stronger feelings about it b/c I'll look at all three babies and wonder which would be gone if I'd done SR.

Having said all of that, it IS scary. It is. I don't think anyone here would judge you if you did choose SR. You and your hubby will know which option you can live with.  

TripMomma

RE's will always bring up SR...it is just what they would prefer, I have been told anything over twins is seen as a failure by them.

I too was talked to about SR but when I got to my MFM they were totally on board with triplets.

I won't say it was easy or worry free...but today I have 3 amazing 4 year olds and I couldn't imagine life without all 3. If I got pregnant again with triplets today, I would still not do SR.

Good luck, you can do it!

mrsemily08

Best wishes to you. SR is a very personal decision, and if you're open to it as an option, I suggest weighing the health, emotional and financial impact of both options. I've been there; feel free to PM me.

tmoore319

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond.  DH and I are anxiously awaiting our next u/s on Monday to see how everything's going, before we make any decisions.  God bless all of you!