S/O No gifts or just cutting back

pc150805

My brother and I (both adults) have been asking my parents for years to stop buying us gifts. We just don't need that much stuff. So finally my mom agreed to a compromise. We each get three gifts. 1 gift is something we want, 1 is something we need, and 1 is a surprise. We plan to do with with our LO. So just a thought if you are going that route. Do other people do things like this to cut back?

brewcitybride

Of course. Everyone who has kids has too much crap. This year for Christmas, our DD has to pick a bunch of toys to donate, and then Santa will bring her new toys. I have to instill in her this year that presents are not just going to show up, just because her grandparents like to spoil her rotten. They may spoil her, but mom and dad will NOT!

Pumpkin62307

I would love to do this with my kids. I've heard of giving 3 gifts, modeling it after the 3 wisemen who brought gifts to Jesus. Also, I've heard a variation of what your mom agreed to; "Something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read." My vote would be to go for either of these, but my husband comes from a family who are VERY spoiled on Christmas, (and, to be fairm I always got way more than I needed or wanted as well) so I don't find him agreeing with me on this!

I also love the idea of donating some toys. I always do Operation Christmas Child where you fill a shoebox that gets sent to a kid who wouldn't otherwise receive a Christmas gift. DS was too young to realize it, but we filled a box for a boy his age, and included one of his toy trucks in it. My plan is to always include at least one toy that comes directly from their collection.

honkytonk_kid

We plan to limit Christmas gifts (from us, at least) to 3 each, along with really trying to minimize the idea of Christmas being about gifts.

My parents are totally on board with this. They plan to give gifts like a museum or arboretum pass- something that will last all year and helps build memories, instead of toys that are cool for approx 3 minutes.

wychets

We do not have a limit nor do we require our family and friends to have one. We have too much stuff as well, but if DD doesn't need it or has grown out of it I just give it away to friends or family who can use it.

LoCarb

From family we ask for money for the kids education and savings for b-days and x-mas. They can write a ck in my childs name or they can electronically deposit into their 529 accounts.  Our parents also live 2k miles away so it saves a lot on shipping too.  Both of our dads, will gift money to us adults which usually is spent on paying bills and planning a vacay.  My mom on the other hand cannot get on board and insists on a material item.

Also, I have a rule: for every two new toys rec'd one old one will be donated.

bearkatjen

We limit how many presents we give DS for his birthday and Christmas, But we don't try to limit what grandparents and aunts and uncles give him. 

I do make a wish list for DS for both sides of the family if they need or want ideas, and so items are not duplicated. I feel like we get a good mix of toys, clothes, books, and craft supplies each year. So DS gets fun stuff he wants, plus practical stuff he needs, and we don't get too overloaded with stuff.

With a second one on the way, I can't help feel that we might start to feel overburdened with toys. DS1 really has most anything you could want for a little boy within reason, so there isn't much to give DS2 when he gets to be two or three. I can't help but feel his wish list is going to be book and craft heavy or we are going to end up with too much stuff. 

lcriordan

We buy our daughter one thing to wear, one thing to play with and one thing to read.

Nechie122

No, I don't see the need to do that. If my family wants to spoil my LO, so be it. We live 1,000 miles away from our parents, and for my mom especially, monthly packages in the mail substitute for "quality time" because we just don't see them that often. My grandparents always spoiled us like crazy and it does make you feel like you're the most special kid in the world. Far be it from me to set limits on that relationship.

Right now DD is our only child and may very well be our only child. And I want to give her the whole world to the extent that we can.

KathrynMD

We don't really have a set thing w/ DD's gifts from us, but we should start. WE have packed up her toys before and given them to other children (but its normally for children she knows - I don't know if the abstract concept of "other children" would be helpful for her). I would REALLY, REALLY like to rein in my parents and ILs and their gifts for us and DD, but I think there would be alot of hurt feelings if I suggested we buy each other less or suggested they buy us memberships or give $ to DD's college fund. They want to buy items.

aeh72

I like the three gift idea.  And, I like the idea of kids being aware of donating to others who have less, and I plan to have DS be actively involved in doing something like Christmas Child or an Angel Tree where we go to the store and buy gifts for other children.

What I worry about in our families is what will be a discrepancy in the # of gifts that come from my MIL versus my parents. MIL is likely to buy a ton of less expensive toys and clothes (if what she did with my niece holds true for DS) and my parents tend to buy more expensive items but less in quantity.  We'll need to figure out how to explain that to DS when he's older or try to set the same gift buying boundaries for both sets of grandparents.

bearkatjen

aeh72:

I like the three gift idea.  And, I like the idea of kids being aware of donating to others who have less, and I plan to have DS be actively involved in doing something like Christmas Child or an Angel Tree where we go to the store and buy gifts for other children.

What I worry about in our families is what will be a discrepancy in the # of gifts that come from my MIL versus my parents. MIL is likely to buy a ton of less expensive toys and clothes (if what she did with my niece holds true for DS) and my parents tend to buy more expensive items but less in quantity.  We'll need to figure out how to explain that to DS when he's older or try to set the same gift buying boundaries for both sets of grandparents.

On the charitable note, something we do each year for St. Nicholas Day is to give DS money from St. Nick that is to be used charitably. So far we have been letting DS pick a new toy to donate to Toys for Tots. 

aeh72

bearkatjen:

aeh72:

I like the three gift idea.  And, I like the idea of kids being aware of donating to others who have less, and I plan to have DS be actively involved in doing something like Christmas Child or an Angel Tree where we go to the store and buy gifts for other children.

What I worry about in our families is what will be a discrepancy in the # of gifts that come from my MIL versus my parents. MIL is likely to buy a ton of less expensive toys and clothes (if what she did with my niece holds true for DS) and my parents tend to buy more expensive items but less in quantity.  We'll need to figure out how to explain that to DS when he's older or try to set the same gift buying boundaries for both sets of grandparents.

On the charitable note, something we do each year for St. Nicholas Day is to give DS money from St. Nick that is to be used charitably. So far we have been letting DS pick a new toy to donate to Toys for Tots. 

Love this idea!

Pesky

No limits.  We are limiting Santa stuff but that's because someone (me) got carried away the past couple years.    But the other thing I am doing is making the kids cull through their toys and they must pick TEN things, no matter how small, that we can give away and donate.  We have a Santa Shop here that takes used toys so they go there.  We also have some toys that we have picked up on super sale that we will use to give to our local children's hospital, Toys for Tots and making a couple of shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child.

AquaFlowers

I've got to admit it, we spoil our child. If we had more kids it probably wouldn't be that way. 

mexicolombiana

OMG maybe I'm being a scrooge, but I am sick of tired of holiday gifts.  I read a funny satirical piece online about how stupid buying holiday gifts for adults are.  And I completely agree.  You spend X amount of money buying something crappy for someone they probably don't want and most definitely don't need.  For what? As a gesture you care about them?  I actually resent getting a crappy gift, especially from someone that can't afford to buy gifts! 

Everyone just save your money!  Like my SIL and MIL NEVER know what to buy my DH and I for Christmas.  And EVERY year we tell them to NOT buy us anything.  Please.  For the love of god, NO PRESENTS.  And still they buy us something small and crappy.  I know.  I'm being a scrooge, and perhaps a ***, but I'm SO tired of the meaningless waste of money at a time when many people can't afford to buy these things.  Especially my SIL.  She's a single mom with like NO money ever.  She's so broke and I sincerely don't want a gift from her.  

Now I understand buying a nice present IF you can afford it but we're all pretty broke these days and IMO the holidays can be pretty damn stressful as it is.  

So this year, I am going to be firm.  We are doing some kind of secret santa/gift exchange thing so people ONLY buy one gift and get one gift.  

Rant over.   

nosoup4u

My MIL is all about giving gifts, including to DH and I. It's been a struggle to think of things for her to get us, but I usually lean towards asking for gift certificates for myself.

The kids usually get 2-3 presents from us for each birthday/Xmas, though I keep a list of things they would like for when relatives ask. I'm pretty sure we only got DS2 a tent for his first birthday last year, because he got so much stuff from our families.

We try and purge toys pretty often.