just need to vent

OKitty

Or talk more like. Our name and number was given to an emom this week. The situation is unique, I think. The emom had an affair with her husband's brother. Apparently all parties involved emom edad and emoms husband are considering placement as a way to handle the situation. Emom has 2 bio children with current husband. I just don't know what to even think. How would I explain this situation to my potential child? How would this open possibly adoption work with this efamily living in the same town as us? Just so many thoughts and questions, and this is before we have even been accepted by an agency! Anyone have any thoughts or insight for me? I just feel so lost...but want to be hopeful...yet don't want to be disappointed. UGH! :

Dr.Loretta

You can always talk to a SW or a counselor about how to handle the explanation. You'll have time to process and figure it out, as the first few will just be explaning the concept of adoption.

Not sure how the open adoption would work. I guess it would depend on what kind of connection you form with the efamily, if any.

Right now you're just dealing with potential and possibility. At this point I'd just treat this as a possibility, nothing definitive, and see what happens.

elissaann26

I know that I would be trying to wrap my head around all of the different aspects of this situation too!  But like the PP's said, try to just take things one step at a time.  If this does end up being your child, then things will get sorted out.  Maybe the efamily already has some ideas about how they want the open adoption to work. 

I would just focus on possibily being matched for right now.  Make sure you are comfortable taking the baby.  And once that decision is made then work on the next one.

Hang in there!  And keep us updated!

Julie721

Dr.Loretta:

You can always talk to a SW or a counselor about how to handle the explanation. You'll have time to process and figure it out, as the first few will just be explaning the concept of adoption.

Not sure how the open adoption would work. I guess it would depend on what kind of connection you form with the efamily, if any.

Right now you're just dealing with potential and possibility. At this point I'd just treat this as a possibility, nothing definitive, and see what happens.

This. Like any difficult situation, you handle it as it comes in an age-appropriate manner, probably involving multiple conversations as the child gets older (that is, if this is your child)

As for the open adoption part, it sounds like all parties are communication with each other, and they are all adults, so they may have a very definite idea of how they want it to work. 

Like others said, I wouldn't worry about the details just yet. Just focus on getting to know them. Good luck!

IRR

Stay focused on the child and worry about it if and when it becomes something you need to handle.  Whatever happens to this child, whether with you or any other AP, they will eventually find out the truth of their conception, but at least it isn't as horrible as a rape and the EM isn't choosing to abort.