Introduction

suziahlf · September 2012

Hi.

On Saturday September 15, I awoke to a gush of fluid and went immediately to the hospital. It was found that I was already 4cm dilated and had a bulging bag. 48 hours of Magnesium finally stopped the contractions which were two minutes apart for a very long time.

My water broke at 405am Tuesday September 18 and by 435, our daughter was born at 23w2d. She passed quietly two hours later.

It has been eight days and I have read every abstract and study published regarding preterm labor, urea plasma, chorioamnionitis, incompetent cervix and their respective treatments.

Our OB believes this to be an anomaly. He and the perinatal specialist have no fear for future child bearing.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to do next. I don't feel like myself - primarily that I have turned into a person I don't recognize. I'm waiting for the sarcastic, independent, strong woman to reappear but I fear she is gone.

Our follow up appointment is a week from tomorrow. I have a book of questions to discuss without OB.

I have contacted support groups but have no desire to face other women in this same situation. I am hoping to benefit from reading here and maybe in the future being a sounding board for others.

karebear57 · September 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl. *Hugs* IMO, I don't think you ever get back to your same self again. You will get parts of it back after a while. You have a 'new' normal self now. It's gonna take some time to get used to your new self. And it's ok if your not on here all the time, we are still here if you need anything. You are still fresh from your loss and it's real hard at the beginning to wrap your head around what has just happened. Be easy on your self and take time to grieve your girl. Did you name your daughter? I lost my little girl Brianna almost a yr ago..I lost all my fluid and had an asymptomatic infection. But I know there's other moms here that had ptl. Again, I'm so sorry you have to join us. These women here are so wonderful and caring! *Big hugs*

Williamandshawnna · September 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. You have come to the right place to find support. The women here are amazing, and have helped me so much over the past 3 months

Like the previous poster said, you may now have a new normal. I know I do, I know I will never be the same, I know I will look at everything differently now. I too can not go to a support group, but I have done very well with a therapist. I too look, find a little bit and then look some more for the sarcastic, independent strong woman I once was, what I find is a new version of the old me. Somedays I am ok with that, others I am not.

Please be gentle with yourself, you will feel many emotions on this journey and I have found this board to be supportive, even if sometimes I just read others posts. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

HUGS

Shawnna

JonesBaby0624 · September 2012

I am so sorry for you loss. Be gentle with yourself! As the pp said you will never be the same person. You and your life have been changed forever.

I have had several people, including my boyfriend, say what happened to that scrappy girl, when is she coming back? I have become a lot quieter and more soft spoken than I was before. You will slowly start to see that person but she has been forever changed.

dandywarhol · September 2012

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Did you name her? As the others have said, be gentle with yourself. Your life has changed forever. The old you is still in there but you now carry the knowledge that sadly many of us know - what it is like to live without your child.

Moving forward is a challenge. So much of a pregnancy is wrapped up in the hopes and dreams of the future. When those hopes and dreams are ripped from you it rocks your world. The best you can do is get through the next hour or day.

I never attended a support group though some women here have found them helpful. What helped me through the darkest hours was crying, journaling, and running.

I'm sorry to have to welcome you here considering the circumstances but hope you can find some comfort and support from the wonderful women here.

lmielocl1 · September 2012

I am so sorry for your loss!! Although I wish none of us were here, I hope you find some comfort and friendship with the women on this board. I hope that your follow up appointment is helpful and that your OB is able to answer your questions. I am thinking of you and sending (((hugs))).

jbranden12 · September 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. What you are feeling is totally normal, and you might not ever be the same person again. I know personally, I don't really want to be the same. My daughter changed me, same as if she was still living. Hopefully the qualities you cherish will return, along with new ones.

I am sad to welcome you to our board but hope you can find some comfort and support here among women who understand your grief better than anyone else.

pottermommy · September 2012

I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. It is alright not to know who you are right now. Eventually peices of you will come back but you have changed, losing a baby forever changes who you are but you will be parts of your old self with shaddows of the new. But it does take time. Time to learn your grief and saddness, time to relearn DH and time to learn to cope and live. Time doesn't heal but time gives you the opportunity to grow and to understand how to go again.'

Once again I am so so sorry and I hope we can be of some comfort to you. Wishing you peace, comfort and rest in the comming days and weeks.