Would this annoy you? Granparents won't watch sick LO

trinny

Sorry, haven't been on in awhile!  And will probably disappear again--  I just needed to get this off my chest!

DH's parents don't want to come near us when one of the kids is sick.  They offered to watch the kids last week for date night we haven't had in months, but canceled because the kids had a cold. 

And last night, DD had a fever so they cancelled making dinner for us last minute (we ate an hour late because we had to go to the store and cook) and of course, DH had to take off today to be with her.  (They are retired, but didn't want to risk getting sick.)

Just annoying that they say they want to help, but I am still taking off just as much work as if they weren't even here.

mexicolombiana

Personally this would annoy the crap out of me. 

mben1119

Um, no. They have a right to stay healthy. Not everyone wants to deal with whiny, sick children.

jnealet

It might be annoying but understandable.  Do either of them have issues that getting sick may exasperate (sp?)?

trinny

CTGirl30:

Your response sounds very immature.

What response?

trinny

jnealet:

It might be annoying but understandable.  Do either of them have issues that getting sick may exasperate (sp?)?

No.  They are in their early 60's, and I know it is harder to get over things with age.  This rule came about because they watched DH's brother's kids when they had one of those super-contagious puking viruses and said never again.

trinny

CTGirl30:

trinny:

CTGirl30:

Your response sounds very immature.

What response?

Your response to their decision to cancel when your kids are sick. Getting upset about it sounds very immature and selfish to me. I get being disappointed but I think this also isn't the end of the world. This is a missed date night or a dinner they would make for you. They didn't leave you in the lurch when you needed to go to work. Perspective...

I said I was annoyed, not "upset" not "end of the world"  I didn't even talk to them about it, DH did, so there was no response to them.

kyethra

No, I don't think relatives should do sick child care especially if they watch the kid(s) at other times.  My DH gets sick time-- and he can take it if our son gets sick.  If my mother gets sick she can't watch my son for a week when he is healthy and that would be more inconvenient.  Plus then it would just spread and that seems unpleasant for me to expect them to expose themselves to an illness.  I work with kids and I don't want to work with sick ones-- I have an infant at home and I have to protect him and myself.

soxvyanks

To answer your question, under the situations that you outline I would not be disappointed - in fact - I would probably have cancelled anyways as I wouldnt expect them to get sick and consider those to be nice to haves.  

My parents do watch DD every afternoon while DH and I work.  They are great taking her with a cold, fever, ear infection, etc (and they have always got what she has).  Where they draw the line is stomach stuff, to which, I definitely don't blame them, I don't like that either.

KathrynMD

I think its a little bit ridiculous of them, but as long as you know that's their "policy" you really can't complain too much.  I think its a little weird that they can't see the difference between a stomach virus vs. a cold. 

trinny

EllaHella:

wife07mom09:

I did not read responses. I am sure you will be flamed.

that said, my IL are like this and I personally think it is ridiculous.  Kids get sick but they are only young once.  My IL have not seen LO in several weeks b/c they are going on a trip next week and are afraid they might get sick if around LO.  I say RIDICULOUS. the last time she cancelled on us when kids are well I pretty much decided I wont ask them to help anymore.  I think it is shameful actually.

It's shameful for them not to want to catch something before they go on vacation? 

I have no family help and can't imagine being as entitled as some of you ladies seem to be.  Wow.

I don't feel I'm acting entitled when they offer to help and then bail, but you both are right-- I'll be getting a sitter and just understand we can't count on them.

littlebeansmama

I don't blame them for not wanting to get sick. As other posters have said, it was just a date night and a dinner that you missed out on, it's not as if you missed out on an important meeting at work or something like that.

trinny

CTGirl30:

trinny:

EllaHella:

wife07mom09:

I did not read responses. I am sure you will be flamed.

that said, my IL are like this and I personally think it is ridiculous.  Kids get sick but they are only young once.  My IL have not seen LO in several weeks b/c they are going on a trip next week and are afraid they might get sick if around LO.  I say RIDICULOUS. the last time she cancelled on us when kids are well I pretty much decided I wont ask them to help anymore.  I think it is shameful actually.

It's shameful for them not to want to catch something before they go on vacation? 

I have no family help and can't imagine being as entitled as some of you ladies seem to be.  Wow.

I don't feel I'm acting entitled when they offer to help and then bail, but you both are right-- I'll be getting a sitter and just understand we can't count on them.

This is funny. You don't think paid sitters don't also have reservations about watching a sick child?

I'm sure they do, but that was what was suggested if I want someone dependable.

mben1119

trinny:

EllaHella:

wife07mom09:

I did not read responses. I am sure you will be flamed.

that said, my IL are like this and I personally think it is ridiculous.  Kids get sick but they are only young once.  My IL have not seen LO in several weeks b/c they are going on a trip next week and are afraid they might get sick if around LO.  I say RIDICULOUS. the last time she cancelled on us when kids are well I pretty much decided I wont ask them to help anymore.  I think it is shameful actually.

It's shameful for them not to want to catch something before they go on vacation? 

I have no family help and can't imagine being as entitled as some of you ladies seem to be.  Wow.

I don't feel I'm acting entitled when they offer to help and then bail, but you both are right-- I'll be getting a sitter and just understand we can't count on them.

Or, maybe don't leave your kids when they're sick and you don't have to?  I don't even like to take DS to day care when he's sick because he's very needy (understandably so). A date night can wait. Anyone has the right to offer help, then withdraw said offer when the stakes are different-a sick child is a game changer, IMO.

ridesbuttons

I find this ironic because when I am the one with a sick kid, I am the one who cancels the plans.

And this part:

Just annoying that they say they want to help, but I am still taking off just as much work as if they weren't even here.

makes you sound kind of bratty and entitled. 

 

jf198400

OP- sorry that some of the ladies on here are giving you a hard time, I too would be annoyed by the situation.  Your child had a cold not the flu or a stomach virus, I think your IL's are a bit overly cautious.  I have to say that I am very blessed to have family that helps us with the kids all the time.  My mom currently watches the kids while I work 4days/week.  We are planning to put them in DC soon and my mom has offered to still watch them if they are sick and need to stay home.

Pesky

It would irritate me that I couldn't count on them for help when the chips were down, even for a simple cold, but I would respect their right to keep healthy including by staying away from kids who aren't the best about keeping germs to themselves.  Bad news is that this is teaching you guys to never count on them because if something comes up at the last minute like a case of the sniffles, they'll back out.

karleegirl

I understand the aggravation. If my kid didn't go somewhere because of a cold we'd never leave the house.

groovygrl

Well, in your favor I agree that a cold is a little silly since if your kids are like mine, the noses are running from sept-april.

But other types of illness I can totally understand esp if they have been hit before. Getting sick in your 60s is different than in your 20s & 30s, you get things worse, takes longer to recover, etc. I think if they're up front about the policy (kind of like how daycare doesnt want you there if sick either, not sure why it is ok for daycare but not older adults...or you don't want a sick sitter, or you dont want sick coworkers coming & spreading germs....) then just deal with it.

The whining about having to find your own dinner I thought was even more immature than missing date night- in our house a date night is much anticipated by me since we don't have them very often so I too would be disappointed at missing it, although not mad/annoyed w/ the sitter (we also have zero family within a 12 hr drive so I don't feel that badly for ppl who have this luxury regularly), but you were supposed to go over for dinner & couldn't & now *gasp* you have to feed yourselves? Seriously do you have some PB&J, frozen pizza, eggs to scramble or something to throw together grilled cheese? Or a pizza delivery or other takeout number?  I keep a number of things in my freezer for the last minute nights (even if you don't eat any of the things I mentioned, you could always keep a few servings of something you do feed them/you in the freezer for the times when you need something fast & easy.) Just sayin'.

 

Strunella

Not for nothing, kids have the deadliest germs.  I have had some of the sickest days in my life after being exposed to someone's sick kids.  And yes, their "little cold" was a deadly cold for me and knocked me out for days.  Heck, even now that I am a mom, I don't want to get near anyone else's germy kids. 

Older people also have a lower resistance.  So, to answer your question, no, it would not annoy me.  It makes perfect sense that grandparents do not want to be around germy kids.

MrsSDgirl

I haven't read all of the responses, but I totally understand where you're coming from, OP.  My IL's are EXACTLY like that and it totally annoys me! They won't come anywhere near us if either boy has as much as a runny nose.  I know the boys are not contagious, but these people are super paranoid. Then they complain that they never see the boys, but I have no sympathy.  So, I never rely on them to babysit.  If they do offer, then it's a nice surprise.  They have, in fact, only sat for us maybe three times in the last 3 years, so no big deal.  

I must agree, however, that complaining about having to find your own dinner was a bit much.  You should ALWAYS have some type of food to feed your family in your freezer or pantry.  What would happen in an emergency (i.e. power outage/ storm/ fire)  if you couldn't get to the store? You should be more prepared.  

MirandaHobbes

Pesky:

It would irritate me that I couldn't count on them for help when the chips were down, even for a simple cold, but I would respect their right to keep healthy including by staying away from kids who aren't the best about keeping germs to themselves.  Bad news is that this is teaching you guys to never count on them because if something comes up at the last minute like a case of the sniffles, they'll back out.

This- if anything it just teaches you that parents can be fickle! In a perfect world we would all have parents who would indeed help us when the chips are down. Mine do a lot of the time- but only when it is 100% convenient for them. For example, I know I can count on them to babysit on occasion, but only on Friday nights. Saturday nights they can't because they don't want to miss church. My parents also see kids as little germ factories and they'll blame any small child on their being sick (e.g. "I worked the nursery at church yesterday so of course I'm sick today!")

madamsmurfette

This would annoy me, unless they were especially old or one of them was immuno-suppressed. If they were healthy and under 70, I'd be annoyed.

CrazyToast

I think it's overly cautious.  Neither set of grandparents live close, so they love any chance they get to be with DD - and so they'd NEVER cancel when DD was sick.

pitterpatter129

Um, obviously your child was too sick for daycare.  Why would someone want to expose themselves to an illness?  Of course they don't want to watch a sick kid!  I have asked my MIL to watch DS before when he was sick, and she did, but if she said no because she didn't want to get sick too, I'd totally understand that.  You are the parent; take off work.  I'd never ask my parents because both of them are on immunosuppresents due to other long-term illnesses. 

 

 

dizzycooks

I wouldn't expect a paid sitter to watch my sick child.  I might ask, but I would certainly warn them and they deserve the right to say no without guilt or hard feelings.  Same goes for GPs.  I would think you would want to snuggle your LO and love on them so they feel better...like others said, other in, send DH for take out and have a date night after they go to bed.