WDPT: Favoring one child over another?

Wine O Mite

https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-under-fire-revealing-favorite-child-182800108.html

CN:  On a blog, this dad admitted that he favored his 5 year old son over his 2 year old son.

What ye parenting think?

 

FezzesAreCool

I can't get my dander up about this.  There was some serious backpedaling, but I think I understand where the dad is coming from.   There are days when one of my two are my favorite, mostly because that one isn't trying to literally rip my hair out of my head and hasn't spent 9 of the last 10 hours crying or screaming or dumping her milk onto the carpet in a series of epic tantrums. 

 

 

Wine O Mite

FezzesAreCool:

I can't get my dander up about this.  There was some serious backpedaling, but I think I understand where the dad is coming from.   There are days when one of my two are my favorite, mostly because that one isn't trying to literally rip my hair out of my head and hasn't spent 9 of the last 10 hours crying or screaming or dumping her milk onto the carpet in a series of epic tantrums. 

 

 

I just think he was dumb to post it on the interwebz for all to see.

And Scout, sometimes I feel like I favor my dog over my cat for the same reasons.  She needs more.  My cat is independent and doesn't need me (which makes me sad).   

FezzesAreCool

Oh, he's totally dumb for posting that on the internet.  I'd be more concerned about the younger kid reading that when he's old enough to understand.

The comment about having a favorite phase rather than a favorite kid is spot-on, though. 

kcisthebombdotcom

Favorite child? Definitely not. I think it's pretty f'd up.

I can understand having a preference for certain phases and getting frustrated quicker with a child going through a difficult stage. It doesn't mean I favor that child over the other though.

Wine O Mite

My parents constantly tell me they like my sister more.  Mainly because she gave them grandkids. .

Oh and they love to remind that since I was colic-y for 6 months when I was a newborn they decided to not have any more kids.

I'm still ok....right...

 

FezzesAreCool

FTR - saying you favor one over the other doesn't mean that you love one more than the other. 

kcisthebombdotcom

FezzesAreCool:

FTR - saying you favor one over the other doesn't mean that you love one more than the other. 

The definition of favor:

Feel or show approval or preference for: "a policy that few politicians favor". Give unfairly preferential treatment to: "the policy favored the private sector".

Either way: love, favor-- It's effed up.

scoutkate

I agree with the favorite phase thing.  And I agree that it would be effed up to love one child more than another. 

That said, I do think it's kind of natural for certain personalities to gravitate towards one another.  My dad and my sister have always had this special little "thing" even though I know he loves me more than life itself.  They both deny it but I was always aware of it and I don't blame either of them.  I think a lot of parents, in their heart of hearts, probably enjoy the company of one child over another, find it easier to relate to that child, etc.  It seems weird for that to be the case with children that young, though--my guess would be he just doesn't "know" his younger child as well as his eldest.  And he shouldn't have put it out there for the world to see.  But I do think it's kind of natural and it's one reason why I go back and forth on wanting another kid. 

[Deleted User]

KC_13:

FezzesAreCool:

FTR - saying you favor one over the other doesn't mean that you love one more than the other. 

The definition of favor:

Feel or show approval or preference for: "a policy that few politicians favor". Give unfairly preferential treatment to: "the policy favored the private sector".

Either way: love, favor-- It's effed up.

Thank you Merriam Webster.

blush64

I don't get it. I couldn't imagine favouring one child over the other or liking one better. My kids are teens now and one is certainly more work than the other but I would never favour the other. Even when he is stressing me out completely I could never say I like the easier one better. They are different kids with different needs and I deal with it. EDIT He is more work because physically I have to go in to the school more often and help him more with homework.

I hear parents saying no parent loves their kids the same or that all parents have a favourite at least sometimes and it's just not true. I think some people have to say that so they feel better about doing it. I would not reach for one hand over the other on an outing, I would reach for both or none. Certain experts can say many people have a favourite but it doesn't mean we all do.

If people manage to have a favourite and raise both kids well, fine. If they manage to keep things equal and neither is aware, great. I just don't like it.

klondikebar

I understand having favorite phases. All three of my children are 4+ years apart. I can rank them right now from most enjoyable overall to most annoying. Elementary age boy, preschool boy, teenage girl. I'd never announce my feelings publicly with my real name or to my children obviously. They've all been my favorites at one point and I love them all very much. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it.

scorch

I have 3 girls, 3 and under.  One or more is always screaming.  The one who isn't, is my favorite.  They take turns.

Kitiara5512

I responded to the article, and did not get called a troll.

... relating to another person is more about how much you understand each other and how alike you are, and has nothing to do with how much you love that person. I love my sister to pieces. I cant stand to be in her company for more than a couple of hours because we are both so different its hard to relate on anything.