Emily Post

CougFan

Just thought I would share, from Emily Post:

 

Encore Baby Showers:

Is it proper to give a baby shower for a second baby? Some say that baby showers should only be given for the first born.

It's fine to have a baby shower for a second or third baby. Immediate family and very close friends are usually included, but otherwise choose guests who did not attend a shower for a previous child.

https://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered 

Cranang

Uh, thanks?

[Deleted User]

...Kay.

JenniD2

Just because some "expert" says it's ok doesn't mean that it actually is ok to have a shower for the second or third child. I honestly think that after the first child, any shower is gift grabby and selfish. Baby showers are to help usher the mom-to-be into Motherhood not just make it a giftfest.

PunkyBooster

What, exactly does a second time mom need? I am always perplexed by this. So you have your first baby. Don't you keep any of the stuff like blankets, high chairs, etc in case you get KU again?

We plan to have more than one child and I haven't gotten rid of anything because of this. I cannot even imagine what people would even give me at a second shower. We were and will be in the future team green, so clothes wouldn't be it. 

Diapers? Okay, as long as the guests initiate that. I CD anyway. 

 

CougFan

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

mccall35

CougFan:

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

haha.. yes!

apansey87

Well, the REAL Emily Post died in 1960. Now "Emily Post" is a random grouping of her great-granddaughter-in-law, great-granddaughter, and great-great-granddaughter who all use the Emily Post pen name. I'm pretty sure the REAL Emily Post is rolling over in her grave about these gift-grabby women who insist on showers for babies 2+.

CougFan

SmileyGirl18:

CougFan:

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

I agree with you. Many on this board quote "etiqutte experts" when it suits them. I find it funny that all of the sudden Emily Post no longer matters because she doesn't agree with what they say. And as a FYI, other than this board, most boards on TB are fine with second showers, book requests ect. It is only when a thread is posted here that ladies from this board go to the other boards and attack.

Or if it is posted elsewhere they link to it and set the Platinum Posters loose.

CougFan

apansey87:

Well, the REAL Emily Post died in 1960. Now "Emily Post" is a random grouping of her great-granddaughter-in-law, great-granddaughter, and great-great-granddaughter who all use the Emily Post pen name. I'm pretty sure the REAL Emily Post is rolling over in her grave about these gift-grabby women who insist on showers for babies 2+.

You're right. Because etiquette, customs and norms don't evolve. My bad!

apansey87

CougFan:

apansey87:

Well, the REAL Emily Post died in 1960. Now "Emily Post" is a random grouping of her great-granddaughter-in-law, great-granddaughter, and great-great-granddaughter who all use the Emily Post pen name. I'm pretty sure the REAL Emily Post is rolling over in her grave about these gift-grabby women who insist on showers for babies 2+.

You're right. Because etiquette, customs and norms don't evolve. My bad!

Most etiquette is still the same. People just choose to ignore it.

 

CougFan

PunkyBooster:

What, exactly does a second time mom need? I am always perplexed by this. So you have your first baby. Don't you keep any of the stuff like blankets, high chairs, etc in case you get KU again?We plan to have more than one child and I haven't gotten rid of anything because of this. I cannot even imagine what people would even give me at a second shower. We were and will be in the future team green, so clothes wouldn't be it.Diapers? Okay, as long as the guests initiate that. I CD anyway.

Every situation is different. My first two children are almost 6 years apart. Much of our stuff from DS1 was borrowed and everything else was given to family members who really needed it. Or safety standards had changed or things had expired. So by the time we had DS2 it really was like starting over. I did not expect or anticipate a second shower or gifts, but anything we did get was appreciated and used.This time around it will be another 6 years between kids. We have a crib and a pack n play. I have most other things lined up to borrow from friends and we will be buying a stroller and car seat. I didn't keep things like burp cloths, blankets or towels because they got very used so we will be getting those and if it is a girl we will be buying her new clothes.It is very greedy to expect anyone to support you child's basic needs. But it is not un realistic to think people may need new/more things for second + children.

apansey87

SmileyGirl18:

apansey87:

Well, the REAL Emily Post died in 1960. Now "Emily Post" is a random grouping of her great-granddaughter-in-law, great-granddaughter, and great-great-granddaughter who all use the Emily Post pen name. I'm pretty sure the REAL Emily Post is rolling over in her grave about these gift-grabby women who insist on showers for babies 2+.

 

She died over 50 years ago.  The world changes.  I am pretty sure the REAL Emily Post had faith that her family would take what she started and evolve with the times. 

If we went by what was "proper" 50 years ago, think about all of the things that we do everyday that would be frowned upon. I know I am not ready to wear a skirt/ dress with nylons to the office every day. 

Many of the things people do everyday ARE frowned upon, but it isn't nice to inform people they are being tacky (unless of course they ask "hey do you think this is ok?" on a message board). I'm not saying this message is always delivered in the best way on the board, but it's better than friends and family thinking you're tacky.

And while you don't have to wear a skirt/dress with nylons, I would assume you still wear professional attire like dress pants vs jeans.

What I don't understand is why these women don't just ask their family matriarch how things work, rather than asking a bunch of strangers.

CougFan

SmileyGirl18:

apansey87:

Well, the REAL Emily Post died in 1960. Now "Emily Post" is a random grouping of her great-granddaughter-in-law, great-granddaughter, and great-great-granddaughter who all use the Emily Post pen name. I'm pretty sure the REAL Emily Post is rolling over in her grave about these gift-grabby women who insist on showers for babies 2+.

She died over 50 years ago. The world changes. I am pretty sure the REAL Emily Post had faith that her family would take what she started and evolve with the times.If we went by what was "proper" 50 years ago, think about all of the things that we do everyday that would be frowned upon. I know I am not ready to wear a skirt/dress with nylons to the office every day.

Say what?!? I am certain everyone here did not cohabitate before getting married, keeps their elbows off the table, waits for men to hold the door open and smokes in their office. No white after Labor Day girls!

Liz4444

Times change but good manners remain the same.

BallSox

SmileyGirl18:

CougFan:

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

I agree with you. Many on this board quote "etiquette experts" when it suits them. I find it funny that all of the sudden Emily Post no longer matters because she doesn't agree with what they say. And as a FYI, other than this board, most boards on TB are fine with second showers, book requests ect. It is only when a thread is posted here that ladies from this board go to the other boards and attack.

1) FTFY

2) Oh yeah, you have changed my mind.  

3) Sorry, I don't even agree with Emily Post enough to know what she says about a lot of stuff, it's not picking and choosing, it's believing what I believe.  Like a PP said, what the hell do you need with a second child that you can't possibly buy it yourself?   To expect any gift given to you, let alone a gift that guilts others into buying you MORE gifts is incredibly selfish and aw'ish. 

CougFan

MelRC117:

CougFan:

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

Well never have I once used Emily Post as support for anything. And judging by your date you joined you are pretty new. If no one cares what people think then don't post on here. What is so effin hard about that? If you don't want honest opinions why do people post? I just don't get this logic.  

It is my opinion that one or more people might like to hear it isn't the end of the world to have a second shower.

It is my honest opinion that we can share our opinions without ripping someone a new one or being rude. I am not accusing you of doing that here, FYI.

 

BallSox

I'd like to add, if you have to ask, then you already know the answer in most cases (like 98% of them).  "Is it tacky to....?"  "Is it rude to.....?"  "Am I just being unreasonable....?"

The other two percent?  It's just when you're being so incredibly weird and aw-ish that your guests will likely be confused too.  For example:  You turned down offers for a shower, but you're trying how figure out how to throw a baby-centric party for yourself. 

gingerale79

PunkyBooster:

What, exactly does a second time mom need? I am always perplexed by this. So you have your first baby. Don't you keep any of the stuff like blankets, high chairs, etc in case you get KU again?

We plan to have more than one child and I haven't gotten rid of anything because of this. I cannot even imagine what people would even give me at a second shower. We were and will be in the future team green, so clothes wouldn't be it. 

Diapers? Okay, as long as the guests initiate that. I CD anyway. 

 

Well, you have to keep in mind that not everyone does things the "right" way. I got married, had 2 children (22 months apart), got divorced 4 years after the youngest was born. When I moved out (to a small apartment) I didn't have room to take all the large baby items with me that for all I knew I would never need again, and my ex eventually got rid of them. The only things I had left were keepsake outfits, blankets, etc. Other people plan to be done having children, and have a surprise baby later on, sometimes a baby is born to a teenage mom and then 10 years later she gets married and has more children. If those people kept large baby items, which most wouldn't, they could be unsafe/outdated, etc. I am NOT saying this is a reason to have/expect a shower, but just an explanation as to why someone who already has a child might not have everything they need for another one.

That said, when my current husband and I decided to have a child, we estimated the total cost of buying all of the baby gear ourselves and decided we could afford it, since it was our decision to have a child and it is our responsibility to provide the things that the child needs. We are not having a shower, nor are we expecting to receive any large gifts (crib, stroller, etc.) from anyone. We just bought the items we needed over the last several months, and now we are ready. I'm not sure why that is such a difficult concept for some.

frogs007

I'm so sick of people acting like it's other people's responsibilities to buy stuff for YOUR kid.  Like the pp said, you can buy things over the 8 months if you need to.  There are sales, thrift stores, and great deals on amazon.  If you're going to pro-create, take care of your freakin' kid!

 Does this mean I'll turn down a shower? Nope.  But I also won't expect everyone to buy me everything my kid needs.  In my family showers usually consist of lots of visiting, some food, and getting clothes (which I will definitely be grateful for).  

(just to be clear I didn't have a shower for my first pregnancy- refer to siggy).

Cranang

SmileyGirl18:

CougFan:

SmileyGirl18:

CougFan:

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

I agree with you. Many on this board quote "etiqutte experts" when it suits them. I find it funny that all of the sudden Emily Post no longer matters because she doesn't agree with what they say. And as a FYI, other than this board, most boards on TB are fine with second showers, book requests ect. It is only when a thread is posted here that ladies from this board go to the other boards and attack.

Or if it is posted elsewhere they link to it and set the Platinum Posters loose.

Sweet!  Not a platinum poster yet, so I don't qualify.  Kicka$$!

Cranang

SmileyGirl18:

CougFan:

I only mention it because I read here today "you aren't supposed to have a second shower" snd I thought "Says Who?" I was honestly curious if it was such a common thought and what etiquette "experts" thought. Because really, if it doesn't matter what Emily Post says does it matter what any of you say? No one should expect, demand or count on even one shower much less two or more. But people come here with questions and they may want more than one opinion in making their own decision. Here is another opinion.Oh, and sorry I don't spend so much time online and am only a Newbie.

I agree with you. Many on this board quote "etiqutte experts" when it suits them. I find it funny that all of the sudden Emily Post no longer matters because she doesn't agree with what they say. And as a FYI, other than this board, most boards on TB are fine with second showers, book requests ect. It is only when a thread is posted here that ladies from this board go to the other boards and attack.

When do people on here quote Emily Post?  None of the regualars do anyway...

Cranang

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

MikeBeth1

Why does this even matter?  If you want a shower, or someone wants to give you a shower for a 2nd/3rd baby, have one.  These "Platinum posters" won't be invited anyway.

PunkyBooster

gingerale79:

PunkyBooster:

What, exactly does a second time mom need? I am always perplexed by this. So you have your first baby. Don't you keep any of the stuff like blankets, high chairs, etc in case you get KU again?

We plan to have more than one child and I haven't gotten rid of anything because of this. I cannot even imagine what people would even give me at a second shower. We were and will be in the future team green, so clothes wouldn't be it. 

Diapers? Okay, as long as the guests initiate that. I CD anyway. 

 

Well, you have to keep in mind that not everyone does things the "right" way. I got married, had 2 children (22 months apart), got divorced 4 years after the youngest was born. When I moved out (to a small apartment) I didn't have room to take all the large baby items with me that for all I knew I would never need again, and my ex eventually got rid of them. The only things I had left were keepsake outfits, blankets, etc. Other people plan to be done having children, and have a surprise baby later on, sometimes a baby is born to a teenage mom and then 10 years later she gets married and has more children. If those people kept large baby items, which most wouldn't, they could be unsafe/outdated, etc. I am NOT saying this is a reason to have/expect a shower, but just an explanation as to why someone who already has a child might not have everything they need for another one.

That said, when my current husband and I decided to have a child, we estimated the total cost of buying all of the baby gear ourselves and decided we could afford it, since it was our decision to have a child and it is our responsibility to provide the things that the child needs. We are not having a shower, nor are we expecting to receive any large gifts (crib, stroller, etc.) from anyone. We just bought the items we needed over the last several months, and now we are ready. I'm not sure why that is such a difficult concept for some.

This makes sense. But the bulk of second shower posters here are not like you. They want everything new. They are having a different sex! They can't afford to buy new clothes/towels/crib bedding! 

I get spacing kids out, you loan stuff to friends, it gets ruined or you don't get it back, I get all of that. I don't actually have a problem with second showers but I have a real issue with people who get KU again and refuse to use ANYTHING used from baby#1 because ZOMG they are having a boy and have all pink stuff!  Oh, and of course they can't afford new blue bedding and a new wardrobe.

 

PunkyBooster

And I love how this has turned into a platinum poster bash. A regular poster here =/= platinum (which is just a result of being around for a really long time).

FFS, I have never seen a regular quote Emily Post. I only seem to see Newbies doing that. 

rhubarb123

Cranang:

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

I agree with this.  I also agree with the pp (early on) saying that people on the internet are saying it "like it is" because, well, they aren't a friend or family member who is worried about hurting feelings.

Personally, I don't have a problem with a shower for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies if someone else is hosting and it is kept small (like a "sprinkle").  I prefer to see (and go to) "meet the baby parties" because I would RATHER meet the baby!  lol  Plus, I don't feel "obligated" to bring a gift, even though I always do.  I would take a gift when I met the baby - party or no party.  If a couple wants to "celebrate the baby" the baby needs to be in attendance.  kwim?

daisy662

To me, it doesn't matter what Emily Post, this board, or anyone else says. I don't like to act like a tacky classless gift grabby person. Not just in terms of baby showers, but in life in general.

Some may disagree. Just know 2 things:

1. Nobody is as excited about your baby as you are no matter how excited they "seem". And they truely don't care about your baby shower if it is your 1st shower or your 100th. I hate baby showers they are boring. I go because I love my friends.

2. Nobody is going to tell you that you are tacky. They may talk about it behind your back and you may never know it.

Liz4444

MikeBeth1:

Why does this even matter?  If you want a shower, or someone wants to give you a shower for a 2nd/3rd baby, have one.  These "Platinum posters" won't be invited anyway.

Then why come here and ask us regulars for advice if you don't care what we have to say anyway?

I know, because this is what you want us to say... 'Do whatever YOU want.  The Earth revolves around YOU and everyone in your life lives to make YOU happy."  I hope you all care about your friends half as much as you seem to think they care about you.

mamawolf71

My sister is throwing me a shower for this baby and it's number 3 for me, but my youngest is 16! This is my husbands first baby. I do think there are exceptions to any rule. Am I expecting family and friends to pay for the necessities for our child, absolutely not, but I think telling our family that we don't want to celebrate this time with them is rude.

growbeangrow

Lol! This is awesome. Thanks for posting.

tiffmatt

Cranang:

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

So many of the points I was thinking as I was reading through this thread.  I may not be a platinum poster, and I will not presume to speak for the whole group, but the most common replies on this board generally stick to these guidelines:

1) No one is entitled to a shower, first, second, third or otherwise.  Even if you didn't get one the first time... yadda yadda yadda

2) The gender of the baby, or time between babies does not entitle  you to a shower.  See rule 1

3) Needing baby stuff doesn't entitle you to a shower.  While the gifts are lovely, parents should be prepared to buy everything their baby needs.  Having given everything away because you moved/thought you wouldn't have more kids or needing things be of a different gender (sorry, but you kid won't know of care if their highchair is blue or pink) does not change this.

4) If you truly believe that "every baby deserves to be celebrated" then wait for the baby to arrive.  A baby shower is for the mother, not the baby.  It is a welcoming into motherhood.  To celebrate the baby, have a sip-n-see, meet the baby, or heck, enjoy a fun filled first birthday. 

5) IF someone offers you a second shower, you do not have to decline it, however it should be among only closest family and friends.  Even the lovely "Emily Post" said it should be small with close friends and family, sorry, but there is nothing new there.

If someone comes on the board complaining about not getting a shower, talking about planning their own shower, or complaining their baby isn't being properly celebrated these are usually the main points behind most comments here.

Cranang

tiffmatt:

Cranang:

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

So many of the points I was thinking as I was reading through this thread.  I may not be a platinum poster, and I will not presume to speak for the whole group, but the most common replies on this board generally stick to these guidelines:

1) No one is entitled to a shower, first, second, third or otherwise.  Even if you didn't get one the first time... yadda yadda yadda

2) The gender of the baby, or time between babies does not entitle  you to a shower.  See rule 1

3) Needing baby stuff doesn't entitle you to a shower.  While the gifts are lovely, parents should be prepared to buy everything their baby needs.  Having given everything away because you moved/thought you wouldn't have more kids or needing things be of a different gender (sorry, but you kid won't know of care if their highchair is blue or pink) does not change this.

4) If you truly believe that "every baby deserves to be celebrated" then wait for the baby to arrive.  A baby shower is for the mother, not the baby.  It is a welcoming into motherhood.  To celebrate the baby, have a sip-n-see, meet the baby, or heck, enjoy a fun filled first birthday. 

5) IF someone offers you a second shower, you do not have to decline it, however it should be among only closest family and friends.  Even the lovely "Emily Post" said it should be small with close friends and family, sorry, but there is nothing new there.

If someone comes on the board complaining about not getting a shower, talking about planning their own shower, or complaining their baby isn't being properly celebrated these are usually the main points behind most comments here.

Wait, were you responding to me??

tiffmatt

Cranang:

tiffmatt:

Cranang:

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

So many of the points I was thinking as I was reading through this thread.  I may not be a platinum poster, and I will not presume to speak for the whole group, but the most common replies on this board generally stick to these guidelines:

1) No one is entitled to a shower, first, second, third or otherwise.  Even if you didn't get one the first time... yadda yadda yadda

2) The gender of the baby, or time between babies does not entitle  you to a shower.  See rule 1

3) Needing baby stuff doesn't entitle you to a shower.  While the gifts are lovely, parents should be prepared to buy everything their baby needs.  Having given everything away because you moved/thought you wouldn't have more kids or needing things be of a different gender (sorry, but you kid won't know of care if their highchair is blue or pink) does not change this.

4) If you truly believe that "every baby deserves to be celebrated" then wait for the baby to arrive.  A baby shower is for the mother, not the baby.  It is a welcoming into motherhood.  To celebrate the baby, have a sip-n-see, meet the baby, or heck, enjoy a fun filled first birthday. 

5) IF someone offers you a second shower, you do not have to decline it, however it should be among only closest family and friends.  Even the lovely "Emily Post" said it should be small with close friends and family, sorry, but there is nothing new there.

If someone comes on the board complaining about not getting a shower, talking about planning their own shower, or complaining their baby isn't being properly celebrated these are usually the main points behind most comments here.

Wait, were you responding to me??

No, just quoting you in my response bc I liked your points.

Cranang

tiffmatt:

Cranang:

tiffmatt:

Cranang:

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

So many of the points I was thinking as I was reading through this thread.  I may not be a platinum poster, and I will not presume to speak for the whole group, but the most common replies on this board generally stick to these guidelines:

1) No one is entitled to a shower, first, second, third or otherwise.  Even if you didn't get one the first time... yadda yadda yadda

2) The gender of the baby, or time between babies does not entitle  you to a shower.  See rule 1

3) Needing baby stuff doesn't entitle you to a shower.  While the gifts are lovely, parents should be prepared to buy everything their baby needs.  Having given everything away because you moved/thought you wouldn't have more kids or needing things be of a different gender (sorry, but you kid won't know of care if their highchair is blue or pink) does not change this.

4) If you truly believe that "every baby deserves to be celebrated" then wait for the baby to arrive.  A baby shower is for the mother, not the baby.  It is a welcoming into motherhood.  To celebrate the baby, have a sip-n-see, meet the baby, or heck, enjoy a fun filled first birthday. 

5) IF someone offers you a second shower, you do not have to decline it, however it should be among only closest family and friends.  Even the lovely "Emily Post" said it should be small with close friends and family, sorry, but there is nothing new there.

If someone comes on the board complaining about not getting a shower, talking about planning their own shower, or complaining their baby isn't being properly celebrated these are usually the main points behind most comments here.

Wait, were you responding to me??

No, just quoting you in my response bc I liked your points.

Whew...I had to re-read my post to make sure something didn't come across incorrectly.  That happened to me recently.  Sarcasm sometimes doesn't translate into text very well.

Liz4444

tiffmatt:

Cranang:

Look, here's the skinny on 2nd showers.  Most of us don't really care if people have them.  What we don't like is the entitled attitude.  "Oh, every baby should be celebrated!" "Nobody cares about me!" "But this time it's a girl!"  If your family and friends throw a small get together for you, then fine.  A registry is definitely tacky, but other than that, as long as you're not throwing it yourself and you're not inviting 50 people, then fine, have a little party.  No one cares.  It's the entitlement and AW-ish attitude that gets frowned upon on here.  The thread in question was "well, no one is throwing me a shower for my second kid."  The response was "So?"  And rightfully, some of the responses were "a lot of people frown on second showers, which may explain why no one has offered to throw you one."  They were simply explaining it and stating a fact in doing so.  It seemed like the poster (and many others like her) EXPECTED she have a shower, and that is the attitude that none of us like.  The shower for subsequent babies really isn't the heart of the issue.  It is simply a symptom of a bigger issue of people feeling like they need to be the center of attention and thinking that they are owed these things in life.

So many of the points I was thinking as I was reading through this thread.  I may not be a platinum poster, and I will not presume to speak for the whole group, but the most common replies on this board generally stick to these guidelines:

1) No one is entitled to a shower, first, second, third or otherwise.  Even if you didn't get one the first time... yadda yadda yadda

2) The gender of the baby, or time between babies does not entitle  you to a shower.  See rule 1

3) Needing baby stuff doesn't entitle you to a shower.  While the gifts are lovely, parents should be prepared to buy everything their baby needs.  Having given everything away because you moved/thought you wouldn't have more kids or needing things be of a different gender (sorry, but you kid won't know of care if their highchair is blue or pink) does not change this.

4) If you truly believe that "every baby deserves to be celebrated" then wait for the baby to arrive.  A baby shower is for the mother, not the baby.  It is a welcoming into motherhood.  To celebrate the baby, have a sip-n-see, meet the baby, or heck, enjoy a fun filled first birthday. 

5) IF someone offers you a second shower, you do not have to decline it, however it should be among only closest family and friends.  Even the lovely "Emily Post" said it should be small with close friends and family, sorry, but there is nothing new there.

If someone comes on the board complaining about not getting a shower, talking about planning their own shower, or complaining their baby isn't being properly celebrated these are usually the main points behind most comments here.

Tiff, you may not be a "platinum" poster, but I like you.

mamawolf71

MelRC117:

mamawolf71:

My sister is throwing me a shower for this baby and it's number 3 for me, but my youngest is 16! This is my husbands first baby. I do think there are exceptions to any rule. Am I expecting family and friends to pay for the necessities for our child, absolutely not, but I think telling our family that we don't want to celebrate this time with them is rude.

Because having a baby shower is the ONLY time to be excited about the baby.  EVER. Its not like you are saying you never want to see them if you decline a shower, so don't even make it out like you are raining on their parade.  And rude? Really?  NO MATTER HOW EXCITED YOU THINK THEY ARE THEY ARE NOT AS EXCITED AS THE EXPECTANT PARENTS. NO ONE IS. Don't think so highly of your pregnancy.

Well I don't think that's what I said, but thank you for you perspective!