People inviting themselves to my shower

jujubean110

This week I have had two different people Facebook me to see when my shower is. They are not people that I am close with. One I haven't hung out with in over five years and the other one is the spouse of a coworker, that I have only met at their wedding. Is it normal to have to add people to the list because of this (even if you are not close with the people)?

happylady5

Ooh, that's awkward!  I'm interested to see what advice people give. 

I'd have no idea what to do in that situation, either!  The only thing that I could think of saying would be "My best friend(s) is throwing a shower in January for my closest friends and family".  ??  That's all I can think of!

mben1119

I would deflect by saying "[Insert hosts name here] is handling my shower." Or, what I would actually do, is delete the messages and act like I never saw them. But I'm passive-aggressive like that.

Nicolewinsbingo

If your shower is not huge and mostly family, I'd say something like 'oh, how sweet of you to ask!  My aunt is just holding a little shower for my family.'  

MiahT

I had a friend inform one of my hostesses the night before my shower that she had mentioned the even to another friend of theirs (whom I had met once, I think, for perhaps five minutes at a RenFest) and that other friend and her husband would be coming to the shower the next day.  Luckily there had been nothing formal planned where exact numbers were necessary before hand, but it was still really strange to have someone just show up like that.

jujubean110

mabenner1:

I would deflect by saying "[Insert hosts name here] is handling my shower." Or, what I would actually do, is delete the messages and act like I never saw them. But I'm passive-aggressive like that.

 

I like that idea!

leduc82

Are they actually asking you if they can attend or are they asking so they can get you a gift and want to know when to send it.  Sometimes people want to know when the shower is so they can send a gift and you can open it up at the shower even if they are not present.

mhickey426

I have not had that happen yet with anything baby related but I did have people invite themselves to my wedding.  The best thing was that they invited themselves and then didn't even give me a card.  People really grow a pair when it comes to things like that

 

1026pumpkin

I used a hybrid of the above responses- I deferred most people to my hostess, but for people I barely knew, I just said "oh I think my aunt is just having a small shower for my family."  If it's someone you haven't seen in ages, I'd go with the latter response.

BLPL101

mhickey426:

I have not had that happen yet with anything baby related but I did have people invite themselves to my wedding.  The best thing was that they invited themselves and then didn't even give me a card.  People really grow a pair when it comes to things like that

 

I had people do the same thing at my wedding...

Sweeetonpole

I had several people do this to me. Some emailed me their addresses because they just had to have an invite. Not a single one of those people attended the shower. Three of them RSVPd they would attend and never showed. The other 4 never even responded to the invite they guilted my BFF into sending them.

EastCoastBride

Nicolewinsbingo:

If your shower is not huge and mostly family, I'd say something like 'oh, how sweet of you to ask!  My aunt is just holding a little shower for my family.'  

THis.  ANything along these lines would work. 

tiffmatt

I come from the "More the Merrier" camp, so if the host could accomidate extra guests I would invite them.  If someone cares enough to ask and wants to celebrate with me I would love to invite them.  Of course the size of the shower comes down to your host.

graciesmurf

tiffmatt:

I come from the "More the Merrier" camp, so if the host could accomidate extra guests I would invite them.  If someone cares enough to ask and wants to celebrate with me I would love to invite them.  Of course the size of the shower comes down to your host.

I agree with this.  I've never invited myself to a shower, but I like being invited-even when it's someone I'm not close to.  I'm always up for meeting new people and developing friendships with distant aquaintences.

I agree with others that it's tacky of these people to invite themselves, but if your host can accomidate the extra guests then why not?  It's not your job to punnish them for their faux pas.

If your host can't accomodate them then let them know that it's a small family gathering.

kaseykins

If they want to attend your shower I don't see any harm in that. Its not like they are inviting themselves to a wedding. totally different. 

As long as its ok with the host of your shower I would have no problems with it 

tkoontz84

I have had a few people call my grandmother to ask why they haven't receive a shower invitation yet and my response was because I never sent them one. I think some people just think they should be invited because you know they exist. I have even had people that barely got invited them selves ask me if they could bring people with them, at first I got upset but now I just laugh to myself and reply no we have a space rented for a certain amount of guest and that number has already been invited.