I getting really upset about working.

kkchisholm

This is my 3rd week back to work. Right now I work m-w and will start working Thursdays Oct 11th and will consistantly work M-Th. I know I am pretty lucky with my work schedule, but I am really beginning to feel depressed, to the point of seeking out counseling.

I hate that I get home, need to pump, need to cook, then all of a sudden it's bedtime routine and she's asleep by 730. Latley I've been letting her fall asleep on me just because I miss her so much. I've been waking up a half hour early to play with her the past couple work days which has been helping.. but last night talking about this with DH just made me cry and feel worse. He ensures me that I spend so much time with her, get 3 days in a row with her and she loves me so much, but I am still sad. Does anyone else feel like this? how do you deal?

mben1119

I think we all have days where we feel like you do, but overall, it is about finding balance. It has taken me a few months, but I'm finally to the point where I feel I've adequately balanced my work life, my home life, and my "me" life. I work full time, commute 30 miles each way, and while I only get to see DS for about an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening (if I'm lucky!), we more than make up for it on the weekends. I know, in my heart, that me working is best for our family financially, in terms of distributing responsibility, and for keeping me sane. I need to have a life outside of my home. Yes, it is sad some days, but by the time I get to work, I'm good to go. 3 weeks back to work, I was  still a pretty big hormonal mess. Give it some time. If you find you are still really struggling, you may want to talk to a professional.

jf198400

I know its really hard being away from them.  Since your LO goes to bed so early, are you able to wait to do some things until after she goes to bed so that you have more time to just focus on her?  I have frequently waited until 8pm to eat dinner just b/c it was easier to eat when the kids were sleeping.  You can also try to cook extra food on your days off so that you just have to quick reheat dinner during the week.  I also work Mon-Thurs and am so thankful b/c I was FT 5days/ week until after my 2nd baby and it was really really hard.  I try to get most of my errands and laundry done on Fridays, so that the weekend is just for fun family time.  I think as your children get older it gets easier, especially as they have more awake hours with you in the evening.  It sounds like you are doing the best you can.  Just hang in there, it will get easier!

kkchisholm

Thank you both!

I have to pump shortly after I get home... but it's not a bad idea to start eating later like at 830!

jenn_darrin1515

I do think you need to give yourself a little more time to find your new normal.  I have definitly had days like you describe, but overall I am satisfied with my current work-life balance (which is also m-th, 32 hours). 

It was very hard adjusting in the beginning for me too (my girls went to bed at 6-6:30 every nite thier first year).  but we made the most of our 1 hour together at nite and focus on our family time on the weekends (all the house crap that needed to get done and dinner happend after the girls went to sleep)...having fridays off helped me too (a transfer I took when the girls were 8 months).  again, give yourself time and GL!

MrsI

I don't usually respond on this board but this sounds like me exactly, except I do work 5 days.  Honestly she is 15months old and I still have my days that I just want to break down and cry.  The hardest for me is when I get multiple crabby nights in a row and "everyone else" got to spend time with my happy girl but me.  Honestly you just make it through an do what is best for your family.   If DH and I could make it on his salary alone we would but it's just not an option right now.  We are trying to get us to a place I can go part time and that is what I work for now... time off later.

But what really compelled me to reply is that you said you are letting her fall asleep on you to spend more time with her.  I did the same thing and if I could change one thing it would be that.  She was an AMAZING sleeper until I went back to work and began letting her fall asleep on me.  She is 15 months now and I would do anything to go back and change it!  She wakes up at least 2-3 times a night still and was sleeping through the night before.  Please don't make the same mistake and stick to your previous bedtime routine!

skibunny59

I go back to work on Monday and I am getting really depressed just thinking about it.  I'm going to miss my DD so much.  I try to look at the positives: I was able to be home with DD for 6 months, I am a teacher so I get home relatively early, I get lots of breaks and the summers off.  It is still hard though.  I really wish I could just stay home with her.

Izabella22

I just transitioned back to FT 3 weeks ago after working PT for 2 months and its taken me this long just to adjust so give yourself some time. I still have days when its really tough, but I have to remind myself that supporting my family is important and that at the same time him getting the social interactions with other kids is good for him too, we don't have friends w/ kids his age so daycare is his only real chance to get that.  Plus despite my doubts, I am a better mom when I get a break, even if it is just to come to work. Just try to maximize your time when you have it. At least once a week I come home and curl up with DS in my bed and just snuggle and take a nap - whatever it takes to reconnect.

sunrae719

This may or may not help, but it's so hard in the beginning. But it will get easier. You'll find your groove. Eventually you won't be pumping anymore, and the evenings will feel longer and you'll figure out how to make the most of that time. It's just a difficult phase, and I totally know what you're going through. Hang in there mama!

laurakaz13

I can't really relate, b/c I love to work.  I do miss my DD, but she is so happy that I have zero complaints.  It gets much easier as you go. 

Like PP's said, do not cook dinner until she goes to bed.  Do not do any househould chores/work until she goes to bed.  Make her your only priority when you get home. Also,  for me it got much, much, much easier after I stopped pumping. 

daisy662

Is there any way you can stay working 3 days and not go to 4? Either way, you are still very fortunate to not have to work FT.

It could be a lot worse - I will be going back to work in a few weeks and I work full time and travel 2-3 weeks out of the month. No idea how I will cope...

EmilyStL

Yeah, I'll third that it gets a ton better once you're not pumping anymore.  For me it was totally worth it, but stressful in a variety of ways. 

 At 19 months, I still have bad days, but we're in a pretty good groove.  DD is happy during the day, and we have a good chunk of fun time together when I get home in the afternoons, and between that and weekends, I don't really feel like I'm "missing out."  I'd SAH with her if I could, but I enjoy my job and I'm at peace with being a working mom.

I can count on one hand the number of times I cooked before DD started solids.  Even now, I almost always make her something simple while she plays in the kitchen.

As for her sleeping on you, I'd do what you want with that one.  We bedshared until DD was 13 months (and still do part time), and, for me, it REALLY helped me feel connected to her in spite of being away all day.  I'm not reallly advising this, it's of course up to your own comfort level, but just wanted to give another perspective on it.

Momma2Michelle

I'm not sure if you are exclusively pumping, but could you breastfeed her instead of pumping when you get home? That would give you the bonding time.

Also, maybe making a few dinner up at time while dd naps on Sunday, or even just the big parts,  like browning ground beef, grilling chicken, things like that, so you can just throw something together quickly. You can set her in the bouncy seat next to you while you eat, so you can still be near her and talk to her, while you are eating dinner. Also, check out crock pot recipes. You can throw it together after dd goes to bed and just set it in the base in the morning and have it ready when you get home.