Eating with utensils/table manners question

IrishCoffee7

At what point do you enforce using utensils vs just putting them in front of your kid?  DS is very capable of using his utensils and sometimes he does.  He is great about it on foods you eat with a spoon (yogurt etc) but if it should be eaten with a fork he just uses his hands most of the time.  NBD with fruit or other semi-finger foods but last night it was Chinese food with chicken, vegetables, and rice.  He still gets pretty messy.

I don't really care and just let him eat how he wants.  But MIL has started telling him to use his utensils (which I do too, but I just encourage rather than enforce).  She also tells him not to talk with his mouth full etc. 

I know I can start encouraging good table manners and I do ("why don't you try using your fork?  It's nice to finish chewing before you talk.").  But when should it become a "rule"? 

ETA he's almost 2.

kcisthebombdotcom

With my 2 year old I never really had to enforce using utensils. He just did it when he was ready to and had an interest young. I do tell him swallow first, then talk--I think I started doing that shortly after his 2nd birthday.

My 1 year old is delayed in fine motor skills so I definitely will not push her anytime soon. She's still not really getting eating with a spoon yet.

jess60

I would like to hear people's thoughts on this as well.

I should probably start soon since I'd like to avoid my dad having another caniption fit like he did years ago when my niece was 2-3yo (she's 18 now) & wouldn't use her fork to eat corn at Thanksgiving.  She was screaming & crying hysterically & my dad just wouldn't let it go.  It was extremely uncomfortable & sad.  He seems to have conveniently blocked it from his memory when my sister & I bring up how insane his overreaction was back then.

scoutkate

I'll wait until she's a little more coordinated and a better eater in general.  She's been improving on both lately so I'm thinking maybe around 2.5 or 3?  Right now for table manners we're concentrating more on saying please and thank you when she asks for something and not talking with her mouth full.

pepomntpat

Oh gee! Right now I'm just happy if she puts food in her mouth. DD almost always uses a spoon, but it's hit or miss with the fork. 

One thing I do enforce is that forks are for eating, not for banging. 

MrsWindyCity

DS is almost 2.5 and still doesn't use a fork a ton He uses a spoon for everything that requires one (because he knows it requires one). He can use a fork well, but he is just not that interested in it since fingers are quicker. Honestly, it depends on his mood. Last night he did eat his whole meal - pasta, chicken, peas - with a fork, but that's a rarity. It's usually a few bites with a fork, a few with his hands, etc. I'm not too concerned, and I just feel like it's one of those things he's not going to do forever or anything, so I'll just wait it out. 

ETA: We do tell him not to talk with food in his mouth, and when we tell him that he stops, but it won't necessarily stop him from doing it the next day, or whatever. He also tells US to take one bite at a time, and not to eat too fast, lol.

RayRay007

DD is 18 months and we ask her to please use her fork, unless it is really "finger food" or something she can pick up without making a mess. But we don't 'enforce' it, we just ask. She loves noodles and will shovel them in by the handful. There is no way we will get her to use her fork there. Sometimes she uses her fork and gets too much on there, so she uses her hand to take some off the fork, lol.

Sonadora

We've been actively encouraging the fork for about 2 months now. She's generally very good with it, but it slows her down so she will revert to hands.  We just keep asking her to use the fork, but don't scold her for using her hands or anything.  At this point I do bring toddler size utensils with us when we go out as well, just to keep it up.

As far as othe rmanners, we are pushing please and thank you hard now and sitting nicely at the table with us even if she has shoveled her food down already.

shadypines

katem3277:

Also some nights I don't care how it gets in DD1's belly as long as it is getting in there.  I really try to avoid meal time battles.  If she wants to eat her peas with her hands then so be it.  The important thing is that she is eating her peas or chicken or whatever. I do constantly remind her about not stuffing her mouth and chewing with her mouth closed, but that's mostly because I will go insane if I have to hear her chewing all damn dinner. 

I agree with this...

I think table manners depend on a couple of things, first a child's temperament, and second how things have been from the start. I say stick with encouragement and eventually it will happen.

seahorse102410

Right now he enjoys using his spoon to "spackle" himself with hummus.  Oh well.

numeria11

We are just now at almost 2 1/2 starting to push the utensil usage a bit harder, more "Please use your fork/spoon to pick up your pasta.  Thank you that's great!"  Not so much a rule since she still has a hard getting some stuff onto one and even when she uses it she often uses her hands to assist with getting stuff onto her fork.  It's funny though apparently school taught her she shouldn't have both elbows on the table when eatting so now whenever she sees DH or I do it she makes us move one off the table. 

Angela814

I would stick with what you're doing. 

andyyougoonie

DD prefers to use utensils.  We don't enforce it at all.  I forget to give her a spoon/fork half the time and she reminds me.  She's gotten really good at it, too.  I think she just wants to do what we're doing.

mom2pottamus

I found my son actually did better with adult sized utensils, the toddler forks are so dull he would revert to using his hands, and the spoons were just awkward to use.  Once he started using the adult utensils, around 2.5, he really improved.

I don't have him use knives yet, probably stunting his growth but I don't trust him learning how to cut quite yet...

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