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Preemies
Getting pregnant after premature birth
My husband and I always planned on having a big family. Our first born, just 5 months ago, was born three months premature. She is completely healthy but it was terrifying watching what she had to go through and leaving her every night in the NICU for 55 days. I had a very healthy and normal pregnancy so the docs are not sure why she wanted to come early.
Anyway, we are a little ways away from trying for number two but I am trying to work out the psychological elements of going into my next pregnancy after such a scary first one. We easily could have lost our little one and I am scared it is a possibility for the next one. I don't want to worry and stress so much that it causes me to have an unhealthy pregnancy either.
How long did you wait to try to get pregnant after having a preemie? In what ways did you cope with your fears and anxieties?
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Re: Getting pregnant after premature birth
I also worry about #2... and I've realized that for me I felt this rush to have another one because I wanted to "fix" my lost pregnancy. I wanted to experience it again and do it "right." I still very much want another child but I know that it would be really unhealthy for me mentally, emotionally, and physically to try too early. before we had our son (our first and only who as 8w 2d early) I planned on waiting 2-3 years between babies and I realized that my son coming early didn't change that. i want this time to appreciate him and spend the time with him... I was blessed that he is healthy and that his NICU time was relatively short and that we are both doing well now but it is possible I won't be as lucky next time and at least I would have some years of normalcy before that. I am not prepared to deal with the worst case right now so I am enjoying what I have until I am willing to face that. Maybe the next baby will be a termie and everything will be great but I cannot know. I definitely worry that I will be a mess during my next pregnancy because of what happened this time though. Also, my husband needs to heal and get to a better place. he worried about losing his wife and baby all at once and right now he says he doesn't want any other children. I hope that he changes his mind but I cannot and will not push it, especially now when it doesn't matter in the short run and wounds are so fresh
this is what scares me.
My first child was born at 24 weeks. I am currently pregnant with my 2nd. We waited a little over 2 years to TTC again, and even then it was more not preventing than actually trying. We were both shocked when I got pregnant the first month. Initially there was definitely some freak out with fear and worry, but I was also so very, very, very excited to get another shot at pregnancy.
Some thoughts:
- It took me a long time before I could even think seriously about ever TTC again. Eventually the time just felt right to consider it more seriously. I'm really glad I gave myself that time to get to the point naturally of being ready to decide.
- We had a preconception appointment with our MFM and asked tons of questions and got her opinion. It was very important to me that I completely trust the doctors who would be taking care of me (and I do) and her opinion was that we absolutely could try for another baby and had a decent chance of making it to term. That helped a lot in making our decision.
- I've been in counseling for almost 2 years now following my first birth/NICU experience. It has helped so, so much. I can't put into words how thankful I am for all of the growth and healing I've had. I was diagnosed with PTSD several months after my first birth and a specific therapy technique that has helped tremendously was EMDR.
- Though this pregnancy hasn't been easy (tons of all day sickness, cerclage placed to help cervix stay closed, lots of OB/MFM appts, weekly progesterone shots), I can honestly say that I have done much better emotionally than I anticipated. I'm currently right in the weeks where my complications were happening with my first pregnancy. My DS would be born Friday were this his pregnancy, and I've had some rough times/partial days, but I've only had 2-3 totally freak out, want to stay in bed and never come out, thinking I'm crazy for being pregnant days. I am realizing just how much all of my counseling work has helped me, and that I do know how to take care of myself emotionally much better now. I ask for extra appts (counseling, OB, MFM, psychiatry) when I need more support, call on friends & family, do meditation cds, or distract my mind with a good adventure book or tv. I anticipate that once I get past Friday (when my first son would have been born), the anxiety will ease even more and I can enjoy this pregnancy as a whole new experience. After all, I've never been that pregnant before. It is all new and just what I wanted: to experience pregnancy in every way possible (and of course get a healthy, take-home baby at the end of it!).
-I'm also on meds that I think are helping a ton. When I was first diagnosed with PTSD, I began taking zoloft and noticed a huge difference. Since, I've started seeing a psychiatrist to regulate that dosage and I also trust her opinions. I decided to stay on the zoloft during pregnancy. I had tried to wean off prior to TTC and the PTSD flared up again, really badly, so we all decided it was in my best interest, and the least risky in our case, for me to stay on the zoloft during pregnancy.
I know each individual and each experience is completely unique. I hope that sharing mine helps a bit in your journey towards deciding whether to TTC again in the future. So glad to hear that your baby girl is healthy and doing well! Take care!
Thank YOU! I know I can get wordy, especially about things so important to me. Good luck with your decision.
My first DD was born at 33w 4d due to pre-e. Both hubby and I really wanted a second baby, so at my yearly appointment about 15 months after I had DD, we spoke with my new OB about my changes of having a full term pregnancy. I changed practices, because I felt like my old practice really dropped the ball on all the signs of pre-e. My new OB went over the % of having another preemie and both hubby and I decided we wanted to try again. Plus new OB and I are had a game plan and they plan to follow me very closely. My first thought after getting pregnant was of total mix emotional. I was happy, nervous for the new LO growing inside.
Starting at 16 weeks I was going weekly for my 17p shots and bp checks. I knew in the back of my mind that I could have another preemie, but I tried being positive that this time would be different. I did freak out when my pressures were up and when I started to having contractions.
My second DD was born at 34 weeks 5d, we had another 2 week NICU stay and I was pretty much emotionally spent afterward. Will we ever have anymore children??? No, we decided we could not put both girls through another NICU experience (after the way my first related, I cried for both of them for weeks). Don't let my experience influence you. My suggestion would be talk to your doctor, then talk with your hubby. Good luck!