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Trying to Get Pregnant
ANDOPANO6
member
When all your friends are getting pregnant--but you
ANDOPANO6
member
Hi Ladies,
I am just looking for a little support and maybe some good ideas on how you have handled this situation. I'm 32 and my husband and I have been ttc for a while and it seems all my friends are getting pregnant--but I am not.
I am genuinely so happy for these close girl friends of mine, but I can't help but feel sad/envious as well for my own situation. Just this morning, I had my second out of 3 best friends (in the last 3 months-yeah, a lot to handle, right?) call me this morning and say she got a BFP. I was thrilled for her, but then immediately got off the phone and cried and have been wallowing in pity all day. My husband is very insensitive and just doesn't understand why I feel this way. One of them got pregnant by "accident", the other two in their first month of using opk strips. Me, I've tried everything and every month seems like another disspointment. That's 3 baby shower's I'll be planning that I'll have to pull it together through.
So, my question is...How do you cope with sharing in your friends joy, yet adequately deal with your own pain without seeming "jealous or snide"? Any suggestions are welcome. Also how do you handle all of the questions from family and friends asking "when you're going to have a baby?", deep down I want to unload on them but I usually just smile and go silent.
Maybe I just needed to vent casue it's been a rough last few months. Sometimes it's nice to know there's other people going through what you are I guess. Thanks ladies.
TTC Since 6/12
regular periods with annovulation
DH S/A healthy
Hormones normal-all unexplained IF currently
10/12 50mg of clomid-no response-BFN
11/12 100mg of clomid-1 mature follicle-IUI #1=BFN
12/8/12 clear HSG
12/12 100mg of clomid-2 mature follicles-IUI #2=BFN
1/13 5mg femara un-monitored TI, BFN
2/13 7.5mg femara 2 mature follicles, IUI#3 BFN
This discussion has been closed.
Re: When all your friends are getting pregnant--but you
Hi and welcome. You just have to put on your best front and fake it until you make it. =( I'm sorry it's not going any easier for you. Just smile and be happy for them. Your time will come.
Are you temping, charting, checking cm, and cervical position along with using OPK strips? If you're not, please check the newbie thread at the top of the TTGP board. It has awesome hints and tricks to help you ttc. Also check out fertility friend (by clicking practically anyone's ticker in their signatures) and sign up. That way if later on down the road you have a question about your cycle it will be easier for us to give you some guidance.
Good luck to you.
I don't really have a concrete answer as none of my closest friends have gotten pregnant yet (only one is trying) but some other friends have...and its tough!!! I honestly just try not to talk with them about it and if they bring it up, just deal with whatever they are saying at the time and change the conversation right away. If the talk gets too much, you may eventually want to tell your besties about your TTC journey and hopefully they will be more sympathetic and not talk about it with you.
I guess just take comfort in that you are not alone in this journey...we are all here for you to unload on and vent to.
I'm sorry, it does suck sometimes. It can take a normal healthy couple a year to get pregnant.
Do you mind if I ask how long you've been trying? I know you said you've tried a few things, do you chart your BBT or use opks?
Thank you for your resply redaero. I really like the answer you sugggested of "we're thinking about it". I think that will be my new response.
It is an emotional journey for sure. I really thought I's be very relaxed about it too and it has turned quite the opposite. Appreciate your well wishes and I am hoping your baby dreams come soon very soon for you also! Good luck!
In addition to what PPs have said, just remember that while you are happy you are also sad for yourself. Allow yourself to process and experience your emotions in private in order to help you stay strong in front of your friends.
Ia slo want to reiterate what a few PPs said abut charting temps and CM. I have found it to be super helpful and should increase your chances each month. The newbie link is very helpful.
Good luck.
My Ovulation Chart
TTC #1 Since July 2012-BFP Sept 27, EDD June 9, 2013, Arrived June 14, 2013
My blog-The Wino That I Know
If you're really struggling with ttc, I would recommend you be honest with yourself as to how much you can handle before taking on the task of planning their baby showers.
All of my close friends live far away, and only one of them is pregnant, but she's on #3. There was a month or two when I was feeling really frustrated and didn't call her like I normally would have. But she was the only friend I told when I did get pregnant (and the only one had I to untell a few days later). Mostly here it's just neighbors pregnant. Next door is pg, and one house down, and everywhere else kids and babies are the norm. I am listening to our neighbor's kid scream right now actually. Hardly anyone in this neighborhood is sans kids.
Sometimes I go through phases where it bothers me more than other times, and I imagine you are going through a rough spot right now. It's ok to have a pity party for a little while, just make sure it doesn't turn into a full-out mope fest. Personally I think keeping busy is key, and not assuming something is wrong with you. Try and focus on other aspects of your life that are going the way you want right now. Focus on your hobbies and interests and spending alone time with your DH. If that's not enough look into volunteering. Or therapy. And there's always CD1 wine.
HTH
Hi ladies,
Thanks for the nice welcome and for your empathy.
We've been "trying" for about 8 months, 5 of which I have been religiously using OPK's, pre-seed, charting, "helpful positions, normal ovulation, Mucinex (all the "tricks") and even just recently had the husbands swimmers checked-all came back normal thank goodness. I am not sure at what point it's time to go to my obgyn and say, "hey, something's not working". Maybe it really does take this long for a couple with no known complications to conceive? Whatever the reason, it's sometimes challeniging to stay positive when you feel like a "failure".
*MAJOR VENT* sorry
It's ok, it's definitely frustrating especially when it's taking a while. If you make it to year have that chat with your OB. Hopefully you won't need too. Hang in there.
About the shower's, I wish I could bow out sometimes...but they're 3 of my very best friends and I do want to help make their baby showers special as I know they will do for me when my day comes. It's just a lot at once when dealing with my inner struggle. Who knows? I am hoping by then, I will be pregnant too and that part won't matter as much ;-)
Yes, I try to keep busy and am just going to have to suggest to my friends I don;t want them to ask me about it :-)
Good luck to all you girls with your own personal TTC journeys!
This. Aside from the emotional side of it, thats a TON of work! I planned one this summer and was overwhelmed by that, can't imagine 3!
I also second/third/fourth what everyone else said about charting if you aren't already.
О Привязать! Z!
Oh yeah, while I am on the subject...do you really need to be taking your temp if you are already using like 3 ovulation strips a day during you fertile window? I was wondering how this helped or if it was something you did only if you're not using opk's already?
Thanks!
Hi, and welcome.
I don't have a lot of advice, as we are only on our 2nd cycle/3rd month. As other's have said stick with the smiling while you are in front of your friends, and try your best to hide your disappointment about not being pregnant yourself.
My SIL, who told me about a month ago that they were trying, told me a week ago that she is pregnant (6weeks). I am excited for her, but at the same time I was jealous. It was the first time I have actually felt jealous. I'm not sure if it's because it's my SIL who knows we are trying too, or if it's that I know we are actually working at getting pregnant, and they may have increased how much sex they were having but that is it.
I will be adding OPK's most likely next cycle, as I tested yesterday for BFN. I expect AF to show sometime this week. As PP suggested if you aren't temping, charting CM, and using OPK's you may want to consider doing that.
Best of luck to you!
ETA: temping with a BBT will help you see a thermal shift that will pinpoint the day of ovulation, it will not tell you when you ovulated though. You can use OPK's and CM to tell you when your fertile window is, then the temp shift will confirm your O date. Fertility Friend will auto calculate all of your data for you, and has great tutorials, that's why most of us use it!
Opks tell you that your body is gearing up to O, and temping confirms you actually O'd. You might not O until a few days after a positive OPK.
It not "necessary" but it's not hard and it's one more thing that can improve your timing.
Thanks for your honesty, it's refreshing
This is kinda how I feel exactly. A few months ago, my girlfriends and I decided we start trying at the same time and now that they are all pregnant and I'm not, it can get you down. And Lord knows I am doing my due diligence using every TTC method under the sun. It's amzing how quickly you can go from the "if it happens it happens" motto, to wanting it to happen your first month TTC and feeling kinda sad when it doesn't. I remember feeling that way too.
Oh well, next month is another month to make a miracle happen!! And if not, I think I'm going to book an appt with my obgyn ;-)
So far I am at the place where pregnancy announcements don't bother me and I am happy for them. I am hopeful for myself as well at this juncture.
The only useful thing I can add here is that you need to be honest with yourself and how you are feeling. Don't bite off more than you can chew or subject yourself to painful situations. Know your limits and realize that saying no to planning showers or meeting newborns does not make you a bad person. It just means you are giving yourself permission to be human. Give yourself a break.
Wishing you the best and I hope your BFP is around the corner.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Best of luck to you!! Hopefully you will be sharing your bfp news soon!
Connor - 12/15/10 Abby - EDD 11/29/13
And about the family asking... Totally adds pressure to the situation especially when my mother in law who is ill with cancer requests a baby as a bday gift.... I commonly answer it will happen soon... It's never an easy area but for me my DH will just wrap is arms around me and tell me he loves me.... I know most people after being married two plus years have babies and possibly two or three but we waited a year and are now having trouble.... I try to tell myself we are enjoying just being married but now I have a hard time selling myself on that.... Stay positive and it will happen, like my obgyn says if she can't figure out what's going on there is someone that will make it work some how some way!
Yep, I agree, put on your best & brightest poker face.
You want your friends to still come to you and talk to you...right? So, act like nothing is wrong, if you do, there will be an elephant in the room and they will then feel bad talking to you about anything related to the pregnancy.
You have every right to feel the way you do, I would just vent here...
When someone says, "When are you guys having more?" I say, "Its not up to me, its up to the Big Guy upstairs," and point to God. For whatever reason, everyone I spoke with loves this answer and will shut down any further questions. For me, its the truth.
My Ovulation Chart
*TTC #1 since June 2012*
Married since 10/5/12!
*Me: 25**DH: 45*
*DX: Severe MFI- Low T, Delayed Ejaculation & Azoospermia*
*Working to improve DH's numbers on Clomid & HCG injects before we can start IVF*
*SA 1- No sperm* 7/25/12
*SA 2- No sperm* 10/31/12
This. A friend of mine, struggling with unexplained IF, hosted 2 baby showers this past spring and it was really difficult for her. She told me she wished that she hadn't planned and hosted them.
Let their family or other friends do it.
I'm very much in the same boat as you, OP. DH and I have been trying for 8 months now, and I know about 20 people who are pregnant (and at least 20 babies born this year too!!).
Month 6 was definitely the hardest for me, and I think it's because at one point I had 4 baby showers in 1 week! I had 1 good friend on Sat - I helped set up for the shower, but left all the planning to her sister. I planned the double-shower for two of my coworkers on Tuesday, and then another friend next Sat!
I ended up making up some excuse and not going to the last one (sent her a nice card with a gift). I really dont' think I could have handled it.
I would definitely NOT be able to plan 3 showers, no matter how good of friends they were. Maybe if they have any sisters/other friends, you can colloborate with them and make it a group effort. Say you don't have enough time to effectively plan all 3. I found making the food (not the desserts and that cutesy stuff, but like the finger foods - something you could do for any party, not just a shower) was pretty easy and didn't make me feel bad.
It's sometimes really hard to keep a smile on your face. I just keep telling myself how I want all my friends to be there for me when I finally get my BFP. Besides, you never know what other people are going through - even good friends may have been trying for a long time, but not sharing their struggle with you.
I know a small part of you (and me) is really happy for your friends when they get pregnant. So I just try to channel that and share in their joy. TB is a great place to come and vent. Haha - I definitely have a glass of wine (or two) when I hear about my friends getting pregnant
.
Honestly, I know this is all the same as previous posters said - but just wanted to throw my two cents out there too.
When people ask, "When are you going to have a baby?", I recently responded with, "I already have a child to take care of." and jokingly grabbed my husband. Everyone laughed and I got off the hook.
As far as coping with your friends being preggers, I can definitely relate. I know that getting involved with this board has helped. I have lurked a lot and gotten some really great advice from these ladies. It's nice to know that you have a place to go to full of ladies that can relate.
For now, just know there is a plan for you and your time will come. Don't ever give up. Baby dust and good luck!
Only take on what you can handle. If you want to be a part of the baby shower process, but not take on the brunt of it, look find others to delegate.
My younger brother and sister in law announced their pregnancy last Christmas. I cried for 2 days straight. I love them with all of my heart.... but they got married first, which was hard on me, and then they got pregnant first. "Without even trying". Gotta love it. But of course, I love my niece more than words can say, so in the end, it was obviously just my own issues to work through.
Grin and bear it for now.....soon it will be your turn!! And just think, you are going to have tons of friends to help you register and tell you all of those things they wish someone told them!!!
GOOD LUCK!
I really agree with this. Being involved, especially for close friends, can be a lot of fun, but it sounds like having some extra support would be really helpful. Honestly, even if you weren't TTC, I would say 3 showers is a lot to plan on your own!