WWUD in this situation?

tnvolsgal

Needing a bit of advice today, ladies.  I am pg, however a good friend experienced a loss of her pregnancy at 11wks.  My heart was broken when we found out the news and I wanted to support her however she needed during this diffcult time.  I tried to reach out to her on mutliple occassions, however she never returned my calls or emails.  A few weeks ago we finally did set up time to get together, but at the last minute she needed to cancel.  Now this week two more cancellations.  I began to think she didn't want comfort from a friend that was currently pg since she had not responded to calls or emails from me. To which I completely understand. We all grief differently.  She has been in my thoughts and prayers daily.

This morning I received an email from her saying she has been avoiding me since I hadn't supported her during this time.  I am so confused & emotional, as all I wanted was to be there for her, but she kept her distance.  So now it seems I have caused more pain for her when I thought I was doing what she wanted me to do...stay away.

I'm not really sure how to respond. 

Kris721

Even though it sounds like you did reach out, with her last communication I would just apologize that she felt like you weren't there.  Ask her what you can do to help.  I wouldn't respond with "well I did reach out, you didn't respond".  This is all about her right now and her grief.

tnvolsgal

Thank you ladies! The last thing I want to do is cause any additional pain.  I really appreciate your advice!

a&aw12707

I agree with pp. It is extremely difficult to be near other women who are pregnant or have small babies after a loss. For me personally, it is especially hard when I am close to that person. I would just let her know that you are there if she needs you.

pottermommy

Tell her the truth.

Tell her that you are so sad for her loss and you want nothing more than to help her, comfort her but you don't know how to best help her.  You are afraid of making it harder on her.

Tell her that you have never been in her shoes and you just want to help her in any way you can but you need her to tell you what to do or how she wants you to be there if at all.  You can not know how to hold her hand unless she lets you and tells you how.

I am sorry this is hard for you, I can only imagine it would be hard on the friends of the parent, but I can promise all other things aside, her life is in shattered pieces and she is much more worse off, she just needs to understand that you want to help you just don't know how.