when your LO makes inapropriate comments about strangers

Mrs.RockyM

DD is at the age where she's constantly asking questions, and she's been asking things like "why does that lady have marks on her face" when the lady has birthmarks on her face, or "why is that man walking slow and like this" and then proceedes to hunch her back and walk slowly immidating the older man.  She's asked questions about people in wheelchairs, and with breathing tubes.  I get that she's curious, and I've explained to her that everyone is different and people look different and walk different and talk different and that's what makes everyone special, but I feel bad for the people that might over hear her comments.  Do I make her apologize, do I correct her loud enough so they can hear? 

How do you handle these situations?

AZ123

I think you're doing right in explaining that everyone is different but you might be able to stop the questions by taking it a step further and answering her question more directly. Like "that women is using a wheelchair to get around around the store instead of walking. Some people walk, some people like babies go in strollers or in a shopping cart and some people have to use a wheel chair to get around."

If appropriate, sometimes I'll ask DS if he'd like to ask her a question and I say Excuse me, my son is curious about your wheelchair. I rarely ever do this because my answer is sufficient to him.

One time, he did point out a really fat person and say "Look Mommy! Look how fat he is" with pointing and everything. I explained that pointing and saying that wasn't nice and I had him go up to the man and apologize (the man clearly heard him). I then told the man that my son was in the process of learning manners and didn't intend to be hurtful.The guy was totally cool about it (at least on the outside).

KathrynMD

I think what you are doing is fine; just explain people are different, etc.

I also try to remind DD to ask me questions quietly first and remind her that sometimes it hurts people feelings to talk about them loudly.

 

Sawyerplus1

I think you're doing fine to keep explaining that everyone is different. Elaborate when you can, but dont make it a big deal to LO. People that overhear will no doubt understand that your LO is just curious and learning and not meaning to be hurtful, and would probably appreciate you giving your LO an explanation in a kind and accepting way.

Mama-Bear

Ditto AZ.  I would try to explain WHY as plolitely as possibly.  How's she supposed to learn why someone would be in a wheelchair if you make it a taboo subject?  I would remind her not to point if she does, but I don't think she's doing anything wrong.

jlw2505

I would just keep doing what you are doing.  When my girls have asked questions and the person has overheard, they have been great.  Some have answered the girls questions and the others have just smiled.  No one has ever seemed upset or anything.  I don't apologize unless it is something really, really rude but that has never happened.  People get the kids are just learning and they learn by asking - even if the question is not in the best taste.

LoveEeyore

I wouldn't make them apologize unless I knew they were trying to hurt feelings.  And in those very rare instances it is obvious.  Besides I imagine back to when I was a lot less kid friendly, the last thing I would have wanted was a prolonged action with said child and his parent.

I taught my oldest- and the twins have picked up on it- if she has a question about a stranger to tap my leg and I will give her my undivided attention.  I never shoot down a question as rude or tsk tsk, because I think 9.5 times out of 10 they are curious.  However.  My oldest at home will occasionally say mean stuff about DS in front of him like "Why does he still talk like a baby, Adeline doesn't." And it is clearly to hurt him.  I know my kid, she is kind and nurturing and a better human than I am, but she has a calculating side, too- LOL.  I want to be where she turns for questions and information, but have no problem expecting her to do it in a quiet respectful way. 

Once DD asked about a woman in a hijab and she had kids her self so I encouraged her to ask the lady what her dress is called and then she told the woman it was lovely, and she scooped up DD in a hug, kissed her on the forehead and told her that people in her culture honor God in different ways, and God thinks it's a lovely dress to.  One of my favorite parenting moments ever.

Harper'smom

KathrynMD:

I think what you are doing is fine; just explain people are different, etc.

I also try to remind DD to ask me questions quietly first and remind her that sometimes it hurts people feelings to talk about them loudly.

 

This.

currently DD is on a kick where when she sees men without shirts on she points and yells "Why is that man a nudie?!".  

KathrynMD

oh - BTW - IHO of this post

Last night we went to dinner for DH's birthday and DD was sitting next to me.  A very overweight young woman walked into the resaturant.  I saw DD totally checking her out and I leaned down to remind her to ask questions quietly.  She looked at me, smiled and whispered "because that lady's fat, right?"  yes, DD.  Thanks for saying that quietly.  LOL

nikip6454

KathrynMD:

oh - BTW - IHO of this post

Last night we went to dinner for DH's birthday and DD was sitting next to me.  A very overweight young woman walked into the resaturant.  I saw DD totally checking her out and I leaned down to remind her to ask questions quietly.  She looked at me, smiled and whispered "because that lady's fat, right?"  yes, DD.  Thanks for saying that quietly.  LOL

I am sorry, I am not even on the right board but this seriously made me laugh out loud.