Wont listen to "no"

lilmejo

Our 13 month old is getting into everything these days and really testing my patience. We've been teaching him "no" and redirecting him for months only it is having no effect on him. He simply goes back to what he was doing or doesnt stop at all. An example, he picks up the air/heat grates up off the grate, I say no, move him away give him a toy, he goes right back, we can play this game for hours. When he's doing something he's not supposed to, climbing up in his highchair I yell, NO and he smiles and keeps on going. I do not want to hit my children I only think it teaches poor behavior towards others, but I will admit last week when he repeatedly stood up in his chair, he almost fell out and I think out of fear of him falling and being so mad, I slapped him on his arm, not hard but still I felt awful. I am worried he will become one of those children that never listen. I'm not even sure if this age they are supposed to listen, only that my god daughter when I say no, turns looks at me and stops what she's doing, she's almost a year, out son could care less. Any advice.

honkytonk_kid

"No" means nothing at this age. We (and older kids) can understand that "no" can mean a hundred different things- no thank you, no not right now, no because that's just bothering me, no that's breakable, OMG NO that could kill you, and on and on and on.

He needs something he CAN understand. If he's playing with something he shouldn't, say "That's not for LO. Play with this instead," and redirect. If he stands up in his chair say, "Sit down please!" (Practice that one when you're playing so that he learns what it means.) Eventually you can teach "Freeze!" to stop them from going somewhere. You have to teach them what is appropriate behavior before you can expect them to understand inappropriate behavior.

AZ123

I think you're expecting too much at this age.  For the heating grate, you have to find a baby gate or somewhere to block access.  otherwise, they'll keep going for it. It is too tempting and they don't understand.

For standing in the high chair, I say "sit down". I'll ask twice and if he doesn't do it, then I'll force him to sit down  and go into a Yah!Clapping session to demonstrate the good job he did (even though I'm the one that did it).  They want to please you at this age so you're reaction to positive will usually encourage them to go that way. It is all part of the process.You have to take things away from them that you don't want them to touch or play with and eventually you can integrate that item back into your household when he's a little bit older and can actually understand the no.

The god daughter isn't responding to No. She's probably responding to the tone in the voice and it is probably her personality that she doesn't have the drive or desire to pursue what she originally wanted to touch and was told not to. Her responding to No isn't an indication of her parents doing something different than what you do. It is an indication that she's less curious in certain things and your boy is more curious (so be happy about that!).

The hitting on the hand is okay when there is real danger to get their attention but don't start planting a seed in your mind now that you want to hit, spank or use that as a resource to control behavior. If it isn't an option for you, you'll actually find more resources and ways to deal with bad behavior.

I put DS1 in timeouts at that age too. It wasn't long - like 5 seconds but it demonstrated that he was going to be removed and sit somewhere if he didn't stop.  If he started a hitting stage with me. I'd turn my back on him and refuse to play with him for 30 seconds and that seemed to really work too.

lilmejo

It sound so easy but I just get frustrated that he rarely listens, I think I need to use other words, other than no, maybe he's getting used to hearing it so he's not responding anymore. I think I might be expecting a lot from him, but I think he's starting to show some independence and it's stressing me out a bit I need to take some time to respond the right way.

heymommy

He is a baby. He does not respond to no. Baby proof, move some furniture over the grates or get the grates to stay down. Keep him away from the high chair or chairs or strap him in the high chair. Make one room baby proof and keep him in there.

mesmom2011

lilmejo:

It sound so easy but I just get frustrated that he rarely listens, I think I need to use other words, other than no, maybe he's getting used to hearing it so he's not responding anymore. I think I might be expecting a lot from him, but I think he's starting to show some independence and it's stressing me out a bit I need to take some time to respond the right way.

 I think you're onto something here.  Try saying what to do instead of what not to do and provide a replacement activity.  Also, if there is something that is just so tempting that nothing works, I'd block it off, cover it or otherwise make it not available to your LO. 

lindsey913

heymommy:

He is a baby. He does not respond to no. Baby proof, move some furniture over the grates or get the grates to stay down. Keep him away from the high chair or chairs or strap him in the high chair. Make one room baby proof and keep him in there.

This.