Ethnicities

House of Lovelock

Long background story, but my husband and I just never felt like we should adopt a caucasian baby/child.  I'm half cc & hispanic, my hubs is full cc, but since our son (we adopted) is full hispanic (or so we think, unknown birthfather) we just kinda ruled out "white". 

This week we've been called twice to consider having our profile shown to caucasian e-parents. 

I'm still really torn.  I believe we just need to be open to whatever, but I know there are lines of people waiting for a "white" child, and we simply just don't need that. 

Anyone, thoughts? Anyone in the same boat?

crene84

That's really interesting.  Most people do seem to think that it takes longer to get a healthy white child, and maybe it does, but in my experience, that's not been the case.  There must be something in the water at my office because 3 of my coworkers have already adopted and they all adopted white babies very quickly.  DH and I have been contacted by a lot of e-moms that say they are white and so are the BFs, so maybe it's not as difficult as some people think.  I say do what feels right for you and to try not to worry about the other families too much.  Good luck in your decision!

CaptainSerious

I believe I understand how you feel completely.  After adopting M from Peru, we felt strongly that we should try to add at least one other child to our family that "looked like" and was culturally similar to him.  Before bringing him home, we thought it was a good idea to have another child to whom he could relate, but after, it just seemed like it could be our only next step.  Although we had met J and he was always in the back of our minds, we were resolved to adopt another Peruvian child even if J was not meant to join our family.  Trying for a biological child fell from being in the background to possibly off our radar forever.

As far as white couples sometimes waiting longer for non-white children, I have heard that this is sometimes the case, and know that some caseworkers urge white prospective adoptive parents to be open to all races/ethnicities (including Caucasian children) rather than specifying non-white only.  The reasons I have heard theorized for this is because a significant portion of non-white expectant parents/families making adoption plans do not feel comfortable placing their children with white families.

Dr.Loretta

I've seen more and more posts like this lately. If we'd adopted a non-Caucasian baby we might be in the same boat. If you feel more comfortable having your kids look more like each other, go for it.

House of Lovelock

I don't mean it in the timing sense. My guess is that we would be matched with a CC baby faster than any other ethnicity, but we know when we were first waiting, out of 14 families there were only a few couples who were open to anything besides full CC, and only us and 1 other couple open to full AA.  I would hate to be open to CC and then know that 2 months later the agency may not have ANY families open to AA, biracial, or full hispanic, etc... In our area I know they have literally had to turn e-moms down due to lack of families for them. I know it's not as if all this weight is on our shoulders - we can only do "so much" etc... But since we are open and seriously ethnicity doesn't make a bit of difference to us (we love it actually, especially with our son), it kinda feels wrong to be placed with CC.

 

crene84:

That's really interesting.  Most people do seem to think that it takes longer to get a healthy white child, and maybe it does, but in my experience, that's not been the case.  There must be something in the water at my office because 3 of my coworkers have already adopted and they all adopted white babies very quickly.  DH and I have been contacted by a lot of e-moms that say they are white and so are the BFs, so maybe it's not as difficult as some people think.  I say do what feels right for you and to try not to worry about the other families too much.  Good luck in your decision!

House of Lovelock

It could go either way - our bio kids are white and our son is dark, dark!  So, since they already don't look like each other, we don't feel like we need to "match"

Dr.Loretta:

I've seen more and more posts like this lately. If we'd adopted a non-Caucasian baby we might be in the same boat. If you feel more comfortable having your kids look more like each other, go for it.

CaptainSerious

House of Lovelock:

It could go either way - our bio kids are white and our son is dark, dark!  So, since they already don't look like each other, we don't feel like we need to "match"

Dr.Loretta:

I've seen more and more posts like this lately. If we'd adopted a non-Caucasian baby we might be in the same boat. If you feel more comfortable having your kids look more like each other, go for it.

So, maybe I didn't understand you as completely as I thought. 

In our case, it isn't an appearance/"matchy" thing, so much as I felt our son would feel more like he wasn't an "outsider" to our family if he wasn't the only one to have a different skin tone.  Of course we don't treat him like an outsider, but I just wanted to feel like he could more fully identify with a nuclear family member if he needed that.  I worry about how the world will see/treat him as he ages into an adolescent/young adult Hispanic male, and felt that as he grows, it might be good for him to have a sibling that might more closely understand any of the issues he may face.

House of Lovelock

I totally identify with that!  If we adopt a child who "looks" like our bio kids, and our son is the only "different" person, I think that potentially be an issue later on.  It's definitely not an issue by any means at the moment, but it's going to come up a lot later on I'm sure. I don't feel like that is the main reason we would adopt a different ethnicity, but it's another way I feel like it's right for us.

CaptainSerious:

House of Lovelock:

It could go either way - our bio kids are white and our son is dark, dark!  So, since they already don't look like each other, we don't feel like we need to "match"

Dr.Loretta:

I've seen more and more posts like this lately. If we'd adopted a non-Caucasian baby we might be in the same boat. If you feel more comfortable having your kids look more like each other, go for it.

So, maybe I didn't understand you as completely as I thought. 

In our case, it isn't an appearance/"matchy" thing, so much as I felt our son would feel more like he wasn't an "outsider" to our family if he wasn't the only one to have a different skin tone.  Of course we don't treat him like an outsider, but I just wanted to feel like he could more fully identify with a nuclear family member if he needed that.  I worry about how the world will see/treat him as he ages into an adolescent/young adult Hispanic male, and felt that as he grows, it might be good for him to have a sibling that might more closely understand any of the issues he may face.

Dr.Loretta

So I guess I misunderstood your concern. You want to turn down a possible match because you don't want other people to have to wait longer? To be brutally honest, I think that's a silly reason to turn down being shown. For every person who waits a long time for a baby (Caucasian or not), there's another with a short wait time.

House of Lovelock

No, we aren't concerned with other families waiting at all - we are concerned that there are emom's out there getting turned away because there aren't enough families open to their child's ethnicity.  If we take a "white" placement, and the next month they turn down a AA or Hispanic mother for lack of families, we don't feel like that would be a good thing. Since there are so many other families open to CC, we know that any e-mom would have plenty of choices. It just doesn't make sense to us take a CC placement if they don't have a lack of families for those situations. 

Dr.Loretta:

So I guess I misunderstood your concern. You want to turn down a possible match because you don't want other people to have to wait longer? To be brutally honest, I think that's a silly reason to turn down being shown. For every person who waits a long time for a baby (Caucasian or not), there's another with a short wait time.

silliestbunny

This is a hot topic for me as we pursue adopting a third child.  However my concerns are more about long term considerations for my Asian daughter.  (DD2 is Caucasian... we were open to race and figured we'd get matched with a non-Caucasian child.... but that's not how it worked out.)

As for your reasoning, I'd let it go.  I think  you are underestimating the adoption world today.  There are lots of families that are open to children of all different races.  I am in SoCal too... and I am connected to our local adoption world.  I have not been under the impression that lots of Emoms are being turned away because there aren't families for them. 

Adoption professionals discuss hard to match Emoms as Emoms w/lots alcohol and drug exposure and high risk birth father situations. 

I'd definitely question my agency if they were turning away lots of Emoms based on race. 

If you are seeking to adopt a harder to place child you may want to consider babies with alcohol exposure... but that's only if you are prepared to parent a child that may have FAS. 

HTH

buttaflly227

I would say that you need to go with what feels right for you. Don't give in to your values/goals just because of being pressured. I'm thinking about adopting but I know I'd want a white kid because my hubby and I are white so I feel it'd be best for us. I wouldn't want just any baby out there just to get one faster, I'd wait for the one that's meant to be mine