Appropriate "punishment?"

ThatWasAHoot

My son is now 20 months and has started taking toys from other kids and yelling "No!"  And he also will now hit them or remove their hand from a toy or whatever he wants. 

I've just been removing him from the situation, making him sit down and telling him that he can't hit and needs to be kind.  He then cries and sobs and has a tantrum.  After a minute or so I pick him up and hug him and make him say sorry and hug the child he harassed.  

Is this okay?  Any other ideas?  I don't think time outs will be effective, as he is so young.  Do you guys?  Thanks.

saturdaynightdoubletree

I think what you're doing sounds fine. DS started doing time outs within the last month for when he does something after he is told 3 times to stop. He has watched DD in timeout so maybe that helps him understand. I have a red mat near the door where they "take a break" and set the timer for their age (1 min is easy for him), then tell him why he was put in time out, make him apologize, give hugs and kisses and say I love you. The territorial toy thing is his age, keeping him around other kids as much as possible will help, and reinforcing that we can get upset but we don't hit people. I also taught my kids to ask for something when they want it vs. grab, and offer to trade toys vs making someone give up something. Again, I think it works better because DD and DS are so close in age and we go over it every single minute of every single day! Hang in there!

dairygirl19

What you are doing is just fine. He needs to know it's not okay and removing/apologizing demonstrates that.

However, it's also a developmental skill he's working on. He doesn't have the language to vocalize "May I have it please?" so he does it the only way he knows how. That's why I'd "discipline" it but I wouldn't go too overboard at this age or he'll be really frustrated.

I will say though, I'm not a fan of too many warnings. IMO it just teaches them how long they can go before they get in real trouble. I usually do one warning, discipline, explain and move on. They're kids with short attention spans. But to each their own. What works on my kid, doesn't work on the next for sure.