unsolicited advice... I understand now!

PotomacSt

 just rambling. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

By this point, we have all gotten tons of unsolicited, pushy advice about TTC, pregnancy, birth, baby gear, and baby care. I hated it as much as anyone, if not more so. I swore I'd never be like that.

But now that I'm 4 months into it, I've  caught myself doing it a few times I've found myself saying, "Oh, you NEED do x, and you'll never use y." I totally get it now.... I just want to help, and if I've found something that worked amazingly well for my baby, I want to make sure they know how awesome it is so they try it, and I want to help them avoid some of the pitfalls I experienced.

But I know it can still be obnoxious, what worked for me won't work for everyone, and some people just want to do things their own way and figure it out for themselves. Last night I witnessed a friend who had a baby in August and her husband going on and on with "OMG get the epidural, the epidural is the best thing ever, don't wait just ask for it when you walk in the door, you don't understand how horrible it is" to a pregnant friend. The pregnant friend isn't anti-epidural, but she's also not going to be one to ask for it until she really needs it. I could tell she was really uncomfortable and annoyed and trying to get away from them.

 So once again, I swear, I am NOT going to be like this. I promise that when I feel the need to give advice, I will not tell them what they need to do, or make blanket statements about a baby product or parenting technique being good or bad. I will only say things like, "I found x to be really helpful for soothing my baby" or "I had a good experience with the epidural" and I will leave it at that. If they want advice, they will ask, and if they want to do it their own way, that's cool too.

bellelamb

That is a good way to word it, that's why I don't mind advice. I listen and decide if it is good for me and my family, some has been great and some is just dumb.

RMama2012

It's the "you should/must/have to" wording that precedes unsolicited advise that annoys me. I do understand the desire to share advice but the biggest thing I've learned is that every child/pregnancy/delivery/mom is different and different things work for different people. I try to suggest things while awknowledging everyone is different and XYZ is what helped me.

stemms8810

It's hard not to give advice when you have experience!  I get that totally.  Sometimes I need to stop myself when I want to give advice because I think about if that person really wants to receive it or not.

jlsweets

haha I totally understand this..I was one that would get so annoyed by everyones adivce, tips, complaints, etc. and just wanted to have my baby and do things my way and didn't care what worked for everyone elses babies. Well my cousin is due in just a couple weeks and I keep finding myself saying oh I was like this, or you have to try this or get this, and I keep biting my tounge when I get like that because I remember how I felt.  She is also really nervous about labor and when I first had my son I started to say how horrible my labor was, because quite frankly after a 33hr, painful labor it was awful haha but I stopped myself!! I said oh it was fine and I forgot all about it and the end result is so worth it (which it is, just funny)

 

Good thoughts...

k8edgerton

I know what you are talking about.

However, I have a friend due in October. Her and the hubs recently sat down with me and asked straight up. What do you have that you couldn't live without and what did you get that you didn't work.

I was so caught up in trying to be politically correct about it.

The thing I told her is... What may have worked for my baby may not work for your baby. Which I think is a good thing to always keep in mind. It's all about perspective.