beginning a divorce
I really think I'm done with DH. We haven't gotten along on a regular basis probably ever, but I kept wanting things to work, and now were kind of in over our heads and just miserable with each other.
One of my issues w/ DH is his laziness and selfishness. When ever we talk about divorcing he just tells me to leave if I want. The problem is he can't afford the house on his own, I can along with all our other expenses... barely, and that our kids are my responsibility so they, and all there stuff, comes with me. If I move out of the house is it possible to take my name off the mortgage and let him figure it out, or is there a way to get him out of the house? We don't have much left over money so if we go through with this I can't have huge lawyer bills.
Anyone gone through a divorce and regret it? I want so badly for us to get along and for him to be respectful of me and enjoy our family, but I'd say 70% of the time he's so miserable, complaining about me, the kids, wanting me to stay in a job on miserable at, ect.
Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22
Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division
Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant
Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22
NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group
Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43
Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18
Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing
Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group
Re: beginning a divorce
First, I'll touch on the mortgage question. As a foreclosure paralegal, and having been through a divorce myself (no kids), no, you cannot get your name off of the current mortgage. There are two parts to every mortgage: The mortgage itself and the note. If you did not sign the note (unlikely), then you are off the hook for the mortgage. The mortgage sets the terms, the note is the promise to pay (the "promissory note".) There are only two ways to get yourself off of the mortgage:
1) He refinances
2) You file for bankruptcy.
Have the two of you thought about couples counseling? It may be an option if you are willing to work on things. Sometimes things are beyond fixing. I went to couples counseling to actually help end my marriage, and it worked decently. I had some closure, at least.
He really can't be removed from the house until the divorce is final, unless you can obtain a restraining order for some reason. He has just as much legal right to the property as you do. Unless he is willing to leave (and pay child support). This is from my own experience, every state has different laws and I am not an attorney. It sounds like you would benefit from a consult from a divorce attorney, regardless.
Divorce can be expensive. I used to work for an attorney who was going through a divorce. His own attorney bill was at $15k. Maybe a legal separation for a trial period would be good? No permanent decisions either way for a little while. Some states, like NY, require a separation period before actually filing anyway.
Hope that gives you some food for thought. Best of luck to you.
I can tell you that I personally don't know a single person who has regretted their divorce.
I'd shop around for an attorney and maybe take a couple of free consults. They'll be better able to answer your questions. A judge might even order that your house be sold and assets divided, or that he leaves.