First breakdown in a while

tuscanbride2007

Last night, I attended a meeting at my church. At the beginning of the meeting, we had to introduce ourselves and give a little snippet of our family. There were 2 people in the room that knew my story, but I wasn't comfortable sharing everything with the other "strangers." I told them that I had a 4-year-old daughter and blubbered about some other things, but could feel my heart beating out of my chest the entire time. I made it through to the end of the meeting, but when I got to my car, I just broke down and started sobbing. How could I not say that she existed? How could I just leave her out of my family? I felt horrible. Blech. I have been rolling along just fine, but as the 6 month mark creeps up on me, I am beginning to feel lost again.

jbranden12

I'm so sorry you had a rough night. It is so hard to figure out when/how to share our stories, so please don't beat yourself up over this one.

We are also coming up on our 6 months and it's been difficult trying to figure out how we can honor our Patricia's life in our own way. It is so personal and different for everyone. ((BIG HUGS))

mayonegg

I'm so sorry. T&P

Bayberry12

I'm so sorry you are feeling lost.  It sucks.

I recently told my dermatologist that I didn't have any children.  It felt so weird.  And then, I just told a stranger I had a daughter, but she didn't make it...I just met this person.  That felt weird too.  I'm not sure that there is a "right" thing to do in these situations.    

tuscanbride2007

Thanks ladies for the encouraging words. It just surprises me how I can feel "ok" and then suddenly it all rushes back. 

a&aw12707

Huge hugs to you. It is so hard to know what to say. T and P's to you as you reach your angelversary.

pottermommy

Huge hugs my sweet.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I've been doing alright for a while and here lately in the past week or 2 I've been really really down and broke down yesterday.  Someone came over yesterday selling cleaning products and I don't know why but he asked how many kids I have (not if I had any, just how many).  My dog was standing right in front of me and I said "just him."  In my mind, I felt horrible not mentioning Corbin.  Again, don't know why but for some reason he pressed the issue and said "really?  you don't have any little ones?"  I then told him we have a son who lives in heaven.  This whole process drives me crazy!  {{HUGS}}

tuscanbride2007

You ladies always make me feel better. I am so glad I have people to go to who understand.

Gabgaps

I know how hard it is. I'm just going through the 6 month mark. It hit me harder than I ever expected. I was doing so well and then BOOM!  Just yesterday I was in a party and was asked the same question. It just broke my heart to answer "No, I don't have kids". But it wasn't the place or the people to get into details and that's how it's going to be. Sometimes you don't do it, not because you are denying their existence but because it's a very sensitive subject and not all people will understand that. If you get to know someone a little more, maybe you can share your story in private, but only if you want. It's about you, not about them.You know in your heart she is a part of your family and that's enough. You just don't need that church lady or that lady on the street to give you the pity look or the hallmark comment sometimes 

I'm not a religious person, and I live in a very religious place. Some people (my friends) know I'm not but there have been many situations where I don't mention it. I don't deny it but I just stay quiet because I know it can make some people uncomfortable or just because I don't care to explain them my different outlook on life. Which is spiritual in my own way and makes sense to me. They probably won't get it anyway. We do this in life all the time. Not every person in the world needs to know every detail about your life. We are lucky enough to have that choice. To only let the people we trust close to our heart. 

 That said... I know how much it hurts. How hard is it. The sharp pain in your heart when you hear yourself saying those words. But because of that, I know how much you love your daughter, how much she is a part of the family and always will be, because that's how it is in my family with my son. We are not a couple, we are a family, even with Liam gone. And we will be forever. I will be a mom forever.

 I'm so sorry your girl is not with you. I really am. Don't be so hard on yourself you are already going through enough.