Question about naming in the Jewish tradition

stgn01

My husband is Jewish and I'm Christian.  When we had our daughter 2 years ago, he let me take control with the name and I used my mom's middle name as my daughters middle name.  I know in the jewish tradition, you don't name after people who are living.

I'm letting my husband take more control this time since it's a boy.  He wants to honor his family but also doesn't want to offend them.  His grandmother (who is still living) has a maiden name that sounds like a boys name but is spelled differently.  If we used that as a middle name, would that be kosher?  We're not using the name after anyone specific, more just to honor his family.  How would that sit? 

plunderb

Why don't you ask his grandmother how she feels about it?

saham07

plunderb:

Why don't you ask his grandmother how she feels about it?

This is what I was thinking also!

526SadieSadie

saham07:

plunderb:

Why don't you ask his grandmother how she feels about it?

This is what I was thinking also!

That sounds good to me, too.  If she doesn't approve, maybe his grandmother would be able to suggest some names of family members who have passed on that you might like.

stgn01

Because she isn't completely with it right now, and we don't typically tell our family the name choice before the baby is born.  If we tell them, we get everyone's opinion wether we want it or not.

neverblushed

I'm not Jewish myself, but I have taught at a Jewish school for 16 years.  My sense is that it's a custom, not a rule.  Like all customs, there are those who adhere strictly to the naming traditions, and those who do their own thing.  I've taught kids who were named after still-living grandparents.

Look, if DH's grandma isn't "with it" enough to give her opinion, then she's probably not "with it" enough to be offended.  DH should know whether this is something that his parents would feel strongly about without asking them.  Once it's not his immediate parents and grandparents, I don't think you have to worry too much about a naming choice being offensive.

jterpbride

neverblushed:

My sense is that it's a custom, not a rule.  Like all customs, there are those who adhere strictly to the naming traditions, and those who do their own thing.  

Look, if DH's grandma isn't "with it" enough to give her opinion, then she's probably not "with it" enough to be offended. 

Agreed on these points. My family is Jewish and we talked about this recently with another Jewish family friend, who said that some people in his family named after someone living and it was fine. I do think it's good to ask the living person in most cases, but in this case it doesn't seem like asking her will really help.

shaina1215

I think that would be fine with his family, but he could ask his parents what they think, if he cares about their opinion. Ashkenazi jews typically name after deceased, Sephardic Jews name after living. Have him ask his parents if he doesn't know which his family is

 My family's Jewish naming tradition, as well as most of our family and friends, is to use the same first initial (or same name) as the most recently deceased loved one. Although it could be for a very close deceased relative even if they weren't the last to pass away.

Will you be giving your son a Hebrew name? If so, another tradition some use is to give the baby the same Hebrew name as a decesed loved one.

https://judaism.about.com/od/hebrewname1/a/namesfaq.htm