Talking to my agency today *aka My Bitchfest*

greenteabee

About to head out to talk with my agency. I'm not really excited to look at profile books, because I've already seen all the ones in my specifications, and I don't really feel like compromising on any of them. Maybe there will be a new couple that really strikes me. bleh. My pants dont fit anymore either.

Another thing. I don't know if maybe I rushed into meeting with the first two couples I met with or not. If no couples stick out to me I may find a different agency.

AND another thing. I don't like finding my boyfriend's dirty socks in my couch. For two reasons. One, they're dirty and stinky, and two, they remind me of him and I just don't want to feel the need to hug a dirty sock just to feel close to him again. Added to that fact that he's been gone for two months! So the socks have been in the couch for more than two months!

 

END BITCHFEST.

 

Feel free to just continue bitching. I feel a lot better now. 

CaptainSerious

I'm sorry you are not feeling hopeful about finding a new couple.  For what it's worth, I don't think you should compromise either.  You are making a huge step by finding someone else to raise your child, and you know what you want for your child.  Nothing less is good enough.

I'm also sorry you are missing him.  Lots of kind thoughts and prayers are coming your way!

donmitch79

This is a huge life decision where, in my opinion, there is no room for compromise.  You entered into the world of adoption with specifics in mind in order for this to be the path that you would pursue.  There is the right couple out there that will meet the needs of both you and your babies, it just might take more time.  I have learned through the adoption process that you need to go with your gut and what feels right. Stay true to what you need/want and it will come about. It may take longer, but it is out there waiting to love you and your babies

House of Lovelock

Love it. You should totally switch if they don't have families that match up to your standards. I'm a firm believer that if you are supposed to place your babies, there is one right family out there for you - I think you'll just "know" when you find them.

BostonLove11

Agreed, you definitely shouldn't compromise.  If you don't like the profiles your agency has to offer, you should definitely switch or turn to other outlets...www.parentprofiles.com and other websites have hundreds of profiles of wonderful prospective parents with approved home studies.  Good luck.

srmmm09

Okay, hear me out.

First off, amen to everything else - I HATEEEEDDDD missing exes because they're exes for a reason but get with the program, heart! And yes, pregnancy is a trip down whatever lane you would call, "oh, this doesn't fit now even though it was fine last week." Yep. Lame. The whole bumping your stomach on things because seriously it wouldn't have like 3 days ago was also kind of embarrassing/painful.

And I do agree that there are things that are important to find in the adoptive parents that you should never compromise. But, I mean, there are literally no perfect parents in the world. I guess what I mean is that, when I met LO's APs, they were older than I would've liked (M's dad was 42 when he was born). Now I know that it's no big deal - he plays with M just like a young guy would because he's a daddy and M's a little kid, you know? But when I was 20, 42 was seriously so old.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe think about what is really important to you and what may not be as important. When I got to know DH, I was taken aback by how terrible he is at learning language - I speak French, so it was important to me. But he has literally everything else that I neeeeeeded in a husband (and almost everything else I just wanted for perks). It is sad that we can't carry on our own conversation if we need to in a pinch, and it's going to be interesting having kids who speak a language their father doesn't (muahaha), but I still married the right guy.

I hope that's not upsetting. I just wanted to say that bc I know M's parents were the right ones for him, and I was sure after meeting them a few time, even though I didn't have the perspective at that time about what it would be like to be raised by "older" parents.

KWIM? Anyone? 

greenteabee

 

srmmm,

I totally hear what you're saying. I really don't have that many specifications though. I'd really prefer 40 and under for at least one of the parents, preference for a couple who has 1-2 children already but that's not big for me, and open religious beliefs. I have looked at every couple signed with my agency though.

 

greenteabee

Okay so, agency meeting. Went okay. I told them about what was happening with the PAM, and they said they would talk to them about the boundaries with future emoms. They're really wonderful and they asked how I felt about everything, and I vented to my counselor for a bit. Then I took home my maybes, and the agency's new profiles. So yeah, that's what I'll be doing tonight. I really, really like this agency. I don't know if I'd want to switch agencies if I don't find the parents here. Maybe the parents are in the new profile books.

Julie721

Glad to hear the meeting went well and that they are listening to your concerns! Hopefully there is a couple in the batch you have that will feel like the perfect fit and not a compromise. Like PP said, I don't think you should ever feel like you are compromising for a decision like this.

adoptivemama

Can your agency contact another agency to see if they'd be willing to send some of their profiles? That's how we found our match. The expectant mom that we're matched with is from another agency, didn't find a match with her own agency, so they contacted ours. We submitted our profile, and it just felt right to both of us and her. We're now working with both agencies, but the expectant mom is just working with her own.

silliestbunny

I short on time... may comment more later....

but tell your agency what you are looking for and see if they come up w/anything.  Often times this is when a facilitator may be brought in to bring in other profiles.  Facilitators can work both ways.... brings in other profiles to agencies for one particular Emom as well as giving PAPs a chance to connect w/more agencies.

Most agencies would rather work hard to find some good profiles to show you than lose you to an another agency.   

orangecupcake

If your agency does not have a couple you like, can you ask them to contact another agency to review theirs instead of switching agencies altogether? When we first started with our agency, we were asked if we would be willing to allow our profile to be shown through another agency if we matched their criteria - she went on to explain it rarely happens, but that it has.

That might be a better solution than jumping ship. Are you open to waiting it out to see if more adoptive families are added in the next few months? 

greenteabee

silliestbunny:

I short on time... may comment more later....

but tell your agency what you are looking for and see if they come up w/anything.  Often times this is when a facilitator may be brought in to bring in other profiles.  Facilitators can work both ways.... brings in other profiles to agencies for one particular Emom as well as giving PAPs a chance to connect w/more agencies.

Most agencies would rather work hard to find some good profiles to show you than lose you to an another agency.   

I didn't even know this was a thing. I'll definitely talk to them about it. 

I do like one profile, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to get involved with another couple so soon. 

coriet

Everyone else has a lot of good advice. I definitely think that you should wait to meet other couples if you're not ready.

I'm sorry you're missing your ex.